Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 12.19.12 12:00 pm

I hope Adam Lanza’s mother is sucking dicks in hell.

Who the FUCK took this picture? THAT person should go to jail. If you see eyes like this and don’t go to the police, you’re culpable, seriously.

I’m sick of reading all these balanced political discussions of what we should do in the wake of the Newtown Massacre. After spending my time since Friday listening to my wife bawl and shaking my head at various screens, I don’t have any balanced thoughts; all I have are over the top reactions, and here they are:

10. I’m really glad Adam Lanza shot and killed his dumb cunt of a mother. This fucking gun-nut prepper whore taught her psychotic son to shoot automatic weapons.


“Sure, honey—how are your voices?”

Her death won’t bring anyone back but at least it’s something. I just couldn’t stand to hear her all tearful and “please respect our privacy during this tough time.”

9. This whole situation is worse than 9/11. When you fly a plane into buildings and don’t give a fuck what happens, you’re psychotic, but there’s a level of abstraction there. When you point guns into children’s faces and shoot them at point-blank range multiple times, you’re literally worse than Hitler and Satan. FUCK ME BLIND I wish I believed in hell.

8. Adam Lanza’s brother and father should be sentenced to a lifetime of guarding schools and investigating potential psychos. Unless they REPORTED this kid, it’s not enough that they’re tearful and sorry.

Deloitte and fucking Touche should have to monitor these guys’ progress at tracking down other psychos and saving lives, and if their performance goes below standard they get sent to Rikers.

7. All these parents are heroes for continuing to live and not killing themselves and abandoning their other children. They should be given 10 million dollars each, mandatorily invested in an ING plan so that they can just live off the interest forever and then at least they won’t have any further material worries. LEAST JESUS CAN DO.

6. Chris Rock’s bullets thing is true. I’m not going to link to it, if you haven’t seen it you should be embarrassed, not me.

5. People who want to buy guns must undergo yearly psychological evaluations and can own no more than TEN FUCKING BULLETS lifetime total. If you’re a normal citizen, there’s no reason to shoot at real people more than 10 times in your life. If you have to, you did it wrong; now you’re out of bullets.

4. For those who are concerned about these draconian bullet restrictions, e.g. “How am I supposed to go to the shooting range and practice,” the answer is simple: You can use the shooting range’s bullets!! You just can’t take them home. How do we enforce it?? I CAN’T GET ON A PLANE WITH A FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH AND YOU’RE ASKING ME HOW WE ENFORCE IT??

Mandatory metal detectors and they crawl up your ass and shoes when you leave a shooting range to make sure you’re not smuggling out bullets. That’s how we enforce it.

3. Patriot Act and email monitoring and shit has to include other groups besides Muslims. YOU HEAR ME FBI?? I know you focus on the Muslims, and I’m not arguing in terms of nukes and large-scale attacks, but this kind of attack is bad, too, and carried out by a whole different demographic which seems to be slipping through your nets. Please get on these fuckers too.

2. Teachers need a fucking raise.

1. The media should be immediately prohibited from ever releasing a name or picture of this type of assailant. THIS IS NOT OVER THE FUCKING TOP. These guys do this shit to get a high score and go on Wikipedia. We don’t negotiate with terrorists because it theoretically gives an incentive to other terrorists. So WHY do we treat these guys like James Joyce, crawl up their asses to read their fucking journals and trying to “understand” them? We treat them the same exact way we treat heroes, so why wouldn’t other little psychos want to belong to the same club?


Oy gevalt, what a fucking world.


  1. humph says:

    teachers should get a raise but they can’t because of supply and demand. Every 2nd person out of college becomes a teacher

  2. tw says:

    Ranting as means to cope with horrific tragedy. Grasping at straws trying to make sense out of senseless act. Offering ad hoc solutions to problems that can’t be solved.

    You’re in good company, same basic reaction most sane folks have had.

  3. Sniffy says:

    You have a wife? I thought you were gay.

  4. George Elliot says:

    #1 is exactly right. Let us all agree that, hence forth, people who do this kind of shit should never get their name or photo published anywhere. Headlines should read something like, “Some pathetic, loserly, copycat wannabe did the totally unoriginal thing of shooting up a schoolyard today” and get straight to talking about the victims.

  5. brochacho says:

    jesus youre such a typical, stupid liberal faggot ben. teachers need raises? really? fuck that, they get paid too much as it is.

  6. raymi says:

    God his fucking awful face and eyes ugh

  7. archie says:

    you are absolutely right on. and mr. rock’s “bullet control” really is, amazingly, the future.
    end the drug war, use those resources towards zero tolerance assault weapons bans and bullet control.

    also absolutely right about the media reportage; they should also stop reporting on that fucking fred phelps group (who’ll be protesting in newtown shortly) — they’re basically just a small incestuous family of clannish lunatics, who’d essentially cease to exist if the media (including the “liberal media”) would stop covering them all the time.

  8. hmm says:

    the way people talk about his appearance, as if anybody who is ugly is dangerous, almost validates shooting humanity in the face

  9. Public Service says:

    The average starting salary for a teacher in CT is 50K (higher if you have a Master’s), and the overall average salary is 70K–this number is 13K higher than the state average. Over the last 10 years the average increase in a CT teacher’s salary has been over 30%. They have some of the best benefits known to man and a great pension plan. They also get the entire summer off (3 months) and still maintain the aforementioned salary rates. If they work during the summer, be it at summer school or another job, they make even more money. Less than a minute of desktop research on my part has shot holes (no pun intended) through the entirety of one of your points, and if time permitted I’m confident I could do the same to all the others. You claim these are “over-the-top reactions,” but it really doesn’t seem like the satire is working here when a large amount of pundits, journalists and citizens have echoed the same thoughts in an even more over-the-top fashion these recent past days.


  10. raymi says:

    Moron his face is awful. He is a hollow of a person now based on what he has done, he is a nothing. And also yeah he looks like a fucking psycho. Red flag, caution tape everywhere.

  11. Edward Look Nohands says:

    This read like the palm of a limp wristed soccer mum schoolboy with a soggy tomatoe sandwich wrapped in sweating plastic. What a load of shit. Keep your over the top reactions to yourself next time.

    Don’t want the name of the shooter published? Keep hiding from reality bozo, maybe the fairy unicorn people will come and get you someday and you can fly away with them to the world of rainbows and fag hags.

    Die in a car fire.

  12. Gay Reaper says:

    I almost never comment, but had to chime in to say that Edward Scissorhands sounds like a very dumb and angry English man.

    What exactly is your point about “reality,” Edward Scissorhands? You do realize that people can change reality through taking action, don’t you?

    It’s “reality” that newspapers currently Publish the names of the psychopaths, but I think this guy’s point is that if we do not publish their names it would remove incentives to commit the crimes. You’re saying his idea is bad because it doesn’t reflect “reality?”

    It’s not a terribly strong argument, Marmite boy.

  13. The God Who Blessed America says:

    Two words: Barry motherfuckin Drogin

  14. Lester says:

    he looks like an alien

  15. Edward Look Nohands reminds me of the type of dumb, loudmouth, (unnecessarily) rude knuckledragger that was my cartoonish perception of conservatives back when I was a liberal.

  16. goldie says:

    #1 definitely definitely definitely.

  17. Withnail and die says:

    Ahhhhhh hahahahaaha only on street carnage can someone post that he hopes someone’s mother is sucking dicks in hell… And then get flamed for being a Liberal!!

    Never change.

  18. Columbo says:

    He should have shot his barber!

  19. Dabney says:

    Too much ass crawling up in this piece

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