Posted by
Donald Crunk
• 12.08.10 11:00 am


Many moons ago, when slavery was rife and the Internet didn’t exist, black people would swap tales around a campfire about how they could one day “overcome the white man”…

Many moons ago, when slavery was rife and the Internet didn’t exist, black people would swap tales around a campfire about how they could one day “overcome the white man.” A particularly smart slave named Jerome Kinte devised a secret pact which he believed would totally revolutionize the global black/white hierarchy. After much umming and ahhing over what to call it, he finally decided to run with The “Negro, Please” Act. It was quite intricate, but it basically meant that any cool things that black people thought of could only be shared amongst fellow black folk. Greedy, much? Probably, but when non-blacks are treating you like dog shit, it actually sounds pretty fair.

The only problem with the pact was that nobody really respected Jerome. They laughed at him and thought his idea was stupid. Thus began the history of white people taking so many awesome things from black people over the years.

1. PDA

When was the last time you saw two black people kissing in public? Holding hands? Sorry, we’re just not into that stuff. We may love our partners to death, but you guys don’t need to know that — anymore. But if a black man happens to finds a “5 or above” white woman, then you better fucking believe that the whole world is gonna know. It’s weird, but black dudes just work like that.

2. RIHANA

Jeez, when did the whitey-fication of Rih Rih start? I guess it was somewhere around the time she dipped herself in silver paint, cut off her hair and sites like PopJustice started blogging about her. Well, you guys can keep her, ’cause she kinda sucks now, anyways. No matter, at least we still gots Beyonce.

3. DANCING

If you go to a club full of black people, then you’re probably not gonna see much dancing. We like to stare at each other, sip our drinks and pull faces to show everybody else in the room that we’re better than them. That whole “black people love to dance thing” is an old and stupid cliché. You guys have way more fun with dancing than we do. That’s why you have all those TV shows dedicated to it.

4. THE ABILITY TO LAUGH AT OURSELVES

It’s good to be proud of who you are, but it comes to a point when pride turns into pigheaded arrogance. Blacks are so “black and proud” that any person of color in the public eye, must immediately become a huge black sponge who soaks up the spirit of Malcolm x, Martin Luther King and Denzel Washington, thus becoming the perfect black spokesperson who won’t embarrass the rest of the race. Take the British reality show The Family, for instance. If you check out the negative comments on Twitter and Facebook when the show comes on, you’d think that Hitler had been dragged out of Hades and given his own reality show. Sure, the guys on there aren’t perfect, but who is? Chill out guys.

5. STYLE

Black people have always had a big influence on the fashion industry, particularly throughout the ’80s and ’90s, but lately, not so much. It’s almost like they’ve forgotten how to dress. And the ones who do care about fashion, all want to look like Kanye West or Nicki fuckin’ Minaj. BO-RING. High fashion used to steal all their best ideas from urban street culture, but now urban street culture seems to have lost its voice and direction and this makes me frustrated, BECAUSE FASHION IS LIFE AND LIFE IS FASHION.

-DONALD CRUNK
TheStyleSlut.com


Comments
  1. Taeil says:

    Black people took anime from us, but by all means enjoy it!

  2. dragler says:

    “a “5 or above” white woman,” more like 1 or below

  3. Arv says:

    What about Madonna and all them African children?

  4. Jetpack says:

    You can have Beyonce. And Jay-Z. We crackers already have plenty of overexposed semi-talents of our own. Hey, do you guys want Taylor Swift?

  5. WaxwingSlain says:

    Donald, stop acting like a child.

  6. Anonymous says:

    We also took Obama from you. By all means, take him back.

  7. onyx blackman says:

    true- nicki minaj is the black lady gaga and lady gaga is the white grace jones

  8. NAH DAWG says:

    …And white people LOVE Tyler Perry. He’s the white Dave Chappelle.

  9. no.thanks. says:

    number 4 is problematic because black people understand that they still aren’t operating as an individual in society, they for the most part will constantly be viewed against all black people. I’m sure you’ve heard comedians joke about shootings and robberies on the news and how black people in the corporate world pray hard that the reported culprit is not black.

    how about this, 5 things white people stole from black people:

    1. Hollering at females. Rap culture has gone deep. Before it you had a lot of dudes that would puss out, play friends and hope the girl makes a move. Now, you have white dudes that might as well be Iceberg Slim.
    2. jazz. Go to a jazz festival in 2010, what do you see?
    3. wise up. sort of a general idea, but its the outlook that takes note goofy shit in the world like white toddlers on leashes and comes back with “c’mon son….” White folks are starting to come with the common sense a bit more these days.
    4. butts or the appreciation of them. the 70′s and 80′s were a tough time for white people and asses
    5. owning the idea that being poor is ok and can be kind of fun if you work it

  10. Zippy says:

    I think they gladly gave us #5. As a matter of fact, I think they insisted that we take him.

  11. Henny Youngman says:

    Dear blacks, Take Cee Lo, please.

  12. dick nixon says:

    i think everyone hates tyler perry dumbass.

  13. Step Fresh says:

    A) From what I’ve heard, Reggae was passé in Jamaica years before Bob Marley even got sick. The musical culture in the Islands was moving too fast to hold on to any one beat or style for more than 6 months, two years tops. I don’t know whether the style-evolution is still so breakneck down there…

    B) Is it true what one guy implied, that the U.S ‘hood is stuck in a clothing style rut, or was he just referring to slowing black contributions to expensive high- (gay) fashion.

  14. Christi Bradox says:

    They took the word ‘nigger’ from us HARD. Took it completely away. They stole one of our words. How do you steal a word?

  15. Sergian says:

    You forgot dignity.

  16. [...] Donald Crunk – “5 Things White People Stole from Black People” [...]

  17. DaniiPonce says:

    Sorry but Why Do u Black people even care?i mean i searched up “what black people stole from whites” and theres many things like skatebording,skinnyjeans,those pimp looking cars,basketball,football,&many many more things . .but white People don’t say anything were not that ignorant enough to put it on the site its so stupid . .Like i said i searched it up &nothing Popped up but black People always have something to say ..get over it some of ya’ll are still stuck 50years ago. .People hate black people because of THIS!Look at ya’ll selves u should be ashamed

  18. Dustin says:

    What about things black people stole from white people? 1. Elected Office 2. Toyota Camrys 3. The NFL QB position 4. Fat white girls 5. Lists of things people have stolen from others

  19. Brand0 says:

    Thanks for throwing a bunch of African’s in to a box that you don’t even know. lol This is funny because its so dumb the way you’ve generalized a whole race of people.

    As far as the word Nigger is concerned, no one stole that from US, that was a word placed upon us derived from the word Negro that means “Black”. Learn something, unattach yourself from a word you think makes you more “Black” when all it does is give you a reason to embrace something degrading that our people have been called for years and have been called when they’ve been raped, killed, etc.

    How many assumptions are on this page alone classifying races of people like the masses do it. Then it goes back and forth, but you dummies go ahead and argue back and forth, it clearly shows you have no logic upstairs if you actually believe a race of people do the same things to the point where a race can rightfully take the blame for something some people have adopted.

    DaniiPonce is a perfect example of “dumb”.

  20. jj says:

    White owe us nothing. So what if they raped,burned,hanged,put down,chopped body parts,used
    as genie pigs etc. So what if we’re still going through shit with white people.
    So what if we actually lived like violent warriors but were too stupid to develop adequate weaponry to defend our land?
    Just sweep it under a rug like its never happened or happening and say nothings wrong we are all equal.
    Just watch tv and see!

  21. Hello says:

    @DaniiPonce Ok step back, take a breath, and die……. Im white too, but seriously back off. You’re a dick!

  22. Gerard says:

    … This was by far the worst artical ever made, your examples and points of stolen goods from blacks were so stupid, kissing in public really… Rihanna sure why not ill give u that one, im not sure if this was made in 10 minutes or less without much thought, or if u were high on something or just wanted to get back at whites and make a quick point with no value but damn man this artical sucks and im surprised it hasn’t already been deleted, not due to being raceist because your title is partly true white people steal alot, they pretty much built a country on stealing from other race to seem more important then they actually are much like america, but due to the fact you had no good information linked in this artical with few lines of sentences and nothing to back up your claims if any, if i had to pick one that made sence i’de only go with style, everything from style to speech has been adopted by white wanna bes, but damn, if your gonna troll and rip on a race via the internet at least make it good, make the viewers when reading say ” yea ur right” first thing i would of added as a opening (cause really this topic is endless whites steal, thats the bottom line no if’s and’s or but’s) is KFC, back in slavery days chicken and potatos were given to blacks because it was cheap food and white know little of what to make out it, let alone how to use herbs and spices to combine the greatest high in fat tasty food, there is endly info on KFC stolen recipe, whites will be like ” no thats ours, we made it, ” but those are the people who know very little about history and probably think america created computers and the internet (warning if u read that and said ” we did” shot ur self, no space for un-educated simple minded fools such as u) come on make a better artical not a quicky

  23. Anonymous says:

    these two couples they rock in the moods


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