Many moons ago, when slavery was rife and the Internet didn’t exist, black people would swap tales around a campfire about how they could one day “overcome the white man”…
Many moons ago, when slavery was rife and the Internet didn’t exist, black people would swap tales around a campfire about how they could one day “overcome the white man.” A particularly smart slave named Jerome Kinte devised a secret pact which he believed would totally revolutionize the global black/white hierarchy. After much umming and ahhing over what to call it, he finally decided to run with The “Negro, Please” Act. It was quite intricate, but it basically meant that any cool things that black people thought of could only be shared amongst fellow black folk. Greedy, much? Probably, but when non-blacks are treating you like dog shit, it actually sounds pretty fair.
The only problem with the pact was that nobody really respected Jerome. They laughed at him and thought his idea was stupid. Thus began the history of white people taking so many awesome things from black people over the years.
When was the last time you saw two black people kissing in public? Holding hands? Sorry, we’re just not into that stuff. We may love our partners to death, but you guys don’t need to know that — anymore. But if a black man happens to finds a “5 or above” white woman, then you better fucking believe that the whole world is gonna know. It’s weird, but black dudes just work like that.
Jeez, when did the whitey-fication of Rih Rih start? I guess it was somewhere around the time she dipped herself in silver paint, cut off her hair and sites like PopJustice started blogging about her. Well, you guys can keep her, ’cause she kinda sucks now, anyways. No matter, at least we still gots Beyonce.
If you go to a club full of black people, then you’re probably not gonna see much dancing. We like to stare at each other, sip our drinks and pull faces to show everybody else in the room that we’re better than them. That whole “black people love to dance thing” is an old and stupid cliché. You guys have way more fun with dancing than we do. That’s why you have all those TV shows dedicated to it.
4. THE ABILITY TO LAUGH AT OURSELVES
It’s good to be proud of who you are, but it comes to a point when pride turns into pigheaded arrogance. Blacks are so “black and proud” that any person of color in the public eye, must immediately become a huge black sponge who soaks up the spirit of Malcolm x, Martin Luther King and Denzel Washington, thus becoming the perfect black spokesperson who won’t embarrass the rest of the race. Take the British reality show The Family, for instance. If you check out the negative comments on Twitter and Facebook when the show comes on, you’d think that Hitler had been dragged out of Hades and given his own reality show. Sure, the guys on there aren’t perfect, but who is? Chill out guys.
Black people have always had a big influence on the fashion industry, particularly throughout the ’80s and ’90s, but lately, not so much. It’s almost like they’ve forgotten how to dress. And the ones who do care about fashion, all want to look like Kanye West or Nicki fuckin’ Minaj. BO-RING. High fashion used to steal all their best ideas from urban street culture, but now urban street culture seems to have lost its voice and direction and this makes me frustrated, BECAUSE FASHION IS LIFE AND LIFE IS FASHION.