Posted by
• 02.28.14 11:13 am

Screen shot 2013-08-23 at 2.20.23 PM.JPG

New York elected Bill de Blasio as mayor because of his son’s hair. His whole campaign was cinched by one commercial where a cool black kid with a huge afro says, “He’s my dad” and that was that. We got Obama for the same reason. Because he’s cool. This is what happens when you get women and young people voting. They make decisions like they’re on Tinder. Bill just outlawed charter schools because they’re anti-socialist and introduce free market ideas into a system bursting with incompetence. Some of us have actual human kids in these schools you know. Some of us don’t want our children thinking “ask” is pronounced “axe.” Hit it, Gav…

Teachers R Dum


My daughter recently received a Post-it note on her homework that read, “Your [sic] Awesome!” A year or two ago her teacher had written, “No merkers! [sic]” on an assignment. How does one not know the etymology of “marker”? Odds are pretty high it comes from “mark” not “merk.” Why doesn’t “your” look strange to a teacher when she uses it as a contraction of “you” and “are”? Does she not read? Is she not familiar with what words look like?

My daughter attends one of the better public schools in Brooklyn. Since the demand for private school has gone through the roof, prices have followed and parents have been forced to try their local public schools. Still, I’m starting to wonder if public schools are reparable in the first place. You can’t fire the teachers. That’s what’s wrong with socialism, and all the after-school programs in the world can’t make up for such a fatal flaw.

On Sunday, the New York Post published letters that high-school students had sent in defending blended learning. The program has become a pathetic trick where students are granted an easy pass by playing a video game and watching a show. Their teachers are so illiterate and incompetent, they assume their students are capable of a letter-writing campaign. “[Y]ou can digest in the information at your own paste [sic],” one student suggested. Another claimed, “I passed and and [sic] it helped a lot you’re a reported [sic] your support to get truth information [sic]….” The letters the Post received from these high-school students were rife with errors, and none of the students deserved to be above second grade.

“I don’t want to send my kids to an institution where failure is rewarded.”

This shocking slaughter of the English language is not unusual in NY public schools. I recently interviewed a teacher whose students didn’t realize “nigger” was a bad word. I met another who didn’t know that you don’t pronounce “ask” like “axe.” A local parent told me about a notice his kid’s school gave out telling parents not to wear pajamas when they drop off the kids and discouraging them from smelling like “illegal substances.” A neighbor of mine taught in East New York and told me she didn’t teach all year. I didn’t understand her until she said, “No, you’re not hearing me. I mean, I did not teach for one second of one day for an entire year. One hundred percent of my job was telling kids to sit down and shut up.” She quit after two years because, as she put it, “I didn’t sign up to become a Corrections Officer.” In late January, police discovered the dismembered body of Avonte Oquendo, a handicapped child who was abandoned by his teachers. Public schools let this happen all the time. Recently my son’s best friend wandered from his school and was discovered almost a mile away walking down the snowy streets without a jacket.

Sending your kid to private school is a tough decision to make. Here in New York, demand has made the price between $20-40K a year, and even then there’s a line around the block. Parents will do anything to get in, including spying on each other. Many move upstate where you can get the same education for $3K a year if you’re willing to do the two-hour commute back to the city.

I used to scoff at homeschooling. Kids who are homeschooled always seem like weird little adults to me. They make up their own superheroes and carry around a homemade wand wrapped in tape, but I’ll take a disturbing nerd over a kid who thinks “pace” is a type of glue.

Private-school teachers make much less than public-school teachers, but they take the hit because it’s satisfying. Being coated in the Teflon of tenure is bad for morale. Humans benefit from taking risks, and those who don’t take risks tend to go extinct. We need to be rewarded when we do well, but public-school teachers are encouraged to do the opposite. It seems the only thing they’re professional about is complaining. The teacher’s unions have painted a picture of oppressed women working their asses off for no money, but these bitches get four months off a year! When you check their per-hour rate, they reportedly make as much as architects and engineers. But architects and engineers can get fired. Teachers can’t. Few seem to know this, but it’s not hard to learn. Peter Brimelow’s book The Worm in the Apple carefully explains exactly how difficult it is to fire a teacher.

article continues HERE.


  1. brendan donnelly says:

    the first paragraph is hysterical. “they make decisions like they’re on tinder”
    haha, so good

  2. Black Intelligence says:

    I’m an engineer and I’ve dated public school teachers and they do make more money than me, apart from getting their summers off.

  3. pantagruel says:

    I’m here again to do what I always do here—namely, personally attack people at the site while being afraid to reveal my identity. Such is my life. Weep for me. In short, I called Gavin a liar for referring to a slain schoolchild as “dismembered,” even though the story he links to says that an arm and legs were found and DNA tests confirmed it was the kid. Jesus Christ, I always come back and always look stupid.

  4. Gavin says:

    Of course, nobody sums it up better than Peter Bagge

  5. Uh huh says:

    “Since the demand for private school has gone through the roof, prices have followed and parents have been forced to try their local public schools.”
    ‘Forced’? Really? Or is it just your Scottish DNA at work.

  6. Uh huh says:


  7. Lineo says:

    When you’re calculating the cost, you can stop worrying about college funding.

  8. Sean says:

    We’re in a pretty sad state when you can buy fucking Barack Obama campaign t-shirts at Spencer’s Gifts, whether they’re officially endorsed or not.

  9. Gavin says:

    Three kids at $20k/yr for 12 years. That’s $720,000.Add college to that and you’re well over a million.

  10. TWalsh2 says:

    The $720K isn’t just for the education. You’re also paying for your kids to be able to associate with the type of kids you fucking hated when you were growing up. Public school up state, decent state university, private grad school if they have the aptitude. Or, better yet, public school up state and a suitcase for their eighteenth birthday. Cheaper for you, better for them.

  11. Gavin says:

    I agree. It’s either send them to fight school (public) or douche school (private). I do think boarding school at 14 is a good idea. You hate your parents from 14 -20 anyway so why hang around them. After that, what’s the matter with a city college. They charge $4k a year for the exact same shitty education NYU gives you. Actually, outside of math and science, fuck college. Why do you need to go into debt reading a bunch of feminist bullshit about Star Trek?

  12. TWalsh2 says:

    At 14 I couldn’t believe how stupid my old man was, at 21 I couldn’t believe how much he learned in 7 years. I think Twain said it but not sure. Regardless, it’s on point. If nothing else, at boarding school they’ll learn how to smuggle drugs and figure out great places to hide acid. Good luck with ’em.

  13. Alec Leamas says:

    “I do think boarding school at 14 is a good idea.”

    Every kid I knew that went through a private boarding school in the U.S. is fucked up in some way – with the exception of boys who went to those Southern Military Schools which are good for what ails teenaged boys. Those Military Academy guys generally had some pluck and a hearty dose of self-discipline, with that old-fashioned officer and gentleman thing to add to their skirt-chasin’ ways. The same sorts of leftist twats who make college kids think that their parents are all racist idiots teach and work at those fancy private boarding schools in New England. You’ll get your kid back, but full of resentments and precocious drug experiences and perhaps identifying with the “Q” in “GLBTQ.” With the Military Academies, your kid will come back happy to have decent meals, sleeping to 7 A.M. and no drilling – they regarded home as a sort of vacation.

    Now, as a kid I spent some time at a boarding school in Dublin, which is a different thing entirely, and was pretty much Golding’s Lord of the Flies with approving/condoning adults a heaping dose of rugby and some forced mass attendance. It did me and the more robust lads good, but I thank the Lord that I wasn’t slight, weird, effeminate, or passive by temperament because the experience would have been less than positive. Perhaps things have changed in twenty years, though.

  14. Man of 8 Million Pseudonyms says:

    I like the parents that send their kids to private school and tell you how much their child has developed. Yeah, they better. What parent is going to admit that their kid is just as dopey in private school as they were in public school? And for the jack that the parents shell out, what private school is going to face up to mom and dad and tell them their child isn’t all that talented or smart?

    It’s like those bogus dick extension pills. The perfect scam. No one is ever going to admit that they use them, and nobody would dare say that they did nothing for them. So shut up and finish your $99.95 bottle of sugar pills, Limpy4Inch.

  15. Drew Carey says:

    They’re zinc pills and you’re right they don’t work.

  16. mr. wick says:

    get back to work, carey

  17. raymi says:

    it’s a tumblr world and we’s a tumblr gurl. #dathairtho

  18. Joe Blow says:

    I knew my American public school teachers were dummies by the time I was in 6th grade, and my opinion has not changed one bit. Dating a couple of them in my 20s confirmed it. Mediocrities. Smart enough to get a degree with a C average. Homeschooling is the way.

Leave A Reply