Posted by
John Pittsley
• 09.05.17 05:52 pm

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If there isn’t already a government bureau dedicated to keeping track of all the adult gamers in this country, there needs to be one.  NOW. Because there isn’t a chance in hell they all aren’t either pedophiles, who have figured out a way to interact with children without getting in trouble. Or, emotionally damaged retards with nothing better to do. In which case, they’ve probably either been molested by somebody before or are getting ready to molest someone else. Whatever the case may be, it couldn’t hurt to keep an eye on them.

There’s already plenty of crap worth shitting on these nerds for. They’re all virgins, live in their mothers’ basements, are online friends with children, and wear sweatpants out in public. The fact they’re all anime fans doesn’t really help them out in the fucking weirdo department, either. But when advertisers resort to using baby voices in order to sell them shit, it almost becomes a crime not to investigate them.

It’s pathetic enough as it is when adult males spend all of their free time playing video games. But when they don’t have children of their own and the sound of a baby’s voice is music to their ears, it’s just plain ol’ fucking disturbing. There’s no reason why they shouldn’t be talked to like toddlers, considering they live and dress like them but they have no excuse for enjoying it. If anything, it should piss them off. It doesn’t matter if some lunatics use it as a sign of affection, being talked to like a baby should be an insult. These are professional jerk off machines, anyways. The best a baby’s voice should do for these losers is make them uncomfortable.

The only type of voice that should be getting these creeps excited and willing to do whatever is one that belongs to a sexy lady. That’s what makes this shit so unsettling. Instead of being wooed by a woman of legal age, who any well-adjusted heterosexual man would want to have sex with, these maniacs get their jollies from the sound of a baby’s voice. It doesn’t matter if they’ve dealt with rejection their whole lives and don’t want a woman in their little nerd-fortress of solitude. Preferring a child is the sign of a demented psychopath, who needs to be watched.

Maybe I can understand not using a woman’s voice when you’re trying to push a game of global domination but going with a baby’s voice instead? That makes no sense at all. If you’re trying to keep your game from sounding like it’s for wussies, a baby is probably the worst salesman on earth. You’d be better off going with a rugged manly-man voice, who sounds like he gargles glass for breakfast and hopefully what these weenbags wish they sounded more like.

The only way it could be excusable to use a baby’s voice to sell a video game is if they were targeting female gamers, who have the natural motherly instinct. Even then, a lady gamer who wants to conquer the world probably wouldn’t want to be all cutesy. I’d think she’d prefer blood and gore and want to be treated like a man. These commercials are for guys who’ve barely made it to second base and have no chance of reproducing. The fact they use children’s voices to suck them in proves something is wrong and they need to be kept track of.

-JOHN PITTSLEY


Comments
  1. raymi says:

    I concur.

  2. Disinterested Third Party says:

    I used to think that nothing was a dumber waste of time and money than going out and playing golf every fucking weekend. And then video games came along….

  3. Jack Mills says:

    yeah that is weird

  4. frank says:

    What about people who make and watch youtube “hot take” videos? Where do they rank in the degenerate hierarchy?

  5. rape apologist says:

    most adults that play video games have jobs the ones that dont have jobs that are the minority and they have more time played so they seem to be the majority of adult “gamers” and video is a bad example of what the adult gamer whatches almost all the view on vids like that are loser teenager, kids and some basement dweling virgin weaboo living with they moms 30 year old loser

  6. Archiewasright says:

    I play a strategic military game approximately 6 hours per week. No one on my friends list is under 25. I own my house, my own truck and make more money than my parents and my grandparents ever did (combined). I do not enjoy watching television like most of you wimpy shithead hipsters. I enjoy lifting weights, BJJ, self-defense firearm training, hunting and occasionally some gaming. I find it quite amusing that all you proud boy fags whine and moan when someone accuses you of being a nazi but go quick to assuming and lumping all adult gamers into one category. I’m sure I could beat the living piss out of you Mr. Pittsley. I’m sure you’re making a large sum of money writing for street carnage eh? Gavin McInnes is a shit for brains and the only thing manly he does is grow face hair, drink bourbon and goes to work. That little bitch probably doesn’t even know how to clean a firearm, tie a fishing knot or can bench over 60lbs. While I agree masculinity among American men is in decline you shouldn’t take pointers from a bunch of beta turds.

  7. Boogur T. Wang says:

    Yeah, what Archie says.

  8. Dose of Reality says:

    Don’t guys just lay around and masterbate on evenings and weekends like in the old days?


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