Posted by
John Pittsley
• 11.23.15 11:41 am

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There’s a problem this country faces that people continually turn a blind eye to. It’s an attack on our language, our culture, and our way of life. And if we don’t do something to stop it, this beloved nation of ours is going to go down the tubes. I’m talking, of course, about Americans using the Queen’s English.

I’ve been told far too many times there’s no equivalent to the word “nigger” for white American males. From what I can gather, hearing the word come out of someone’s mouth, who isn’t black, is more painful than being struck with a farmer’s whip for someone who is black. Supposedly, the reasoning behind this is that the black experience in this country is steeped in dealing with racism. And unlike any other, impossible for anyone who isn’t black to understand. All of this has pretty much been accepted as an immutable fact and it may very well be true. However, being called “mate” as a heteronormative, cis, American, white male is pretty darn close to what it must feel like.

The Queen’s English is as offensive to the ears as anything else and speaking it on U.S. soil is one of the worst things you can do as an American citizen. It’s not quite as bad as infringing on another American’s constitutional rights, but it is worse than being a card carrying member of the K.K.K. At least those guys played a part in this country’s history. The only role the British played was getting shipped the fuck out of here, and their fruity version of the English language has no business coming back. Allowing it to come back and actually speaking it is essentially treason and definitely gay as fuck.

That’s what’s so disturbing about the trend; how big of a sissy it makes everyone participating in it sound. When coming up with new slang, one’s goal should be to sound hip and cool. Hearing an American say “cheers” instead of “thank you,” or ask for a “fag” instead of a cigarette conjures up images of monocled dandies sipping brandy with their pinkies out. I don’t know about you but Frasier and Niles Crane are the furthest thing from cool I can imagine.

The only time it is excusable for an American to use the Brits’ posh version of the English language, is when you’re insulting or mocking someone. In fact, it can be even better than ours in this case. But this is only because their vocabulary is so fucking fruity to begin with that their insults are exponentially gayer than ours. When you have an entire population talking like sissies, the equivalent terms they have to come up with for “sissy” are unfathomable. This is true for when you want to bring it to someone’s attention that they’re acting like a little baby too. American English isn’t gay enough to come up with terms like “poof” and “got your knickers in a bunch.” So, we should be thankful to the English for that but there’s no need to adopt their entire vernacular.

These are tough times our country is going through and whenever someone brings up the vision our founding fathers had for it, they always forget the main point: not to be like the fucking British. I’m not talking about becoming an empire or adopting an official language. I’m talking about not being like the people of Britain. You can interpret the Constitution or Bill of Rights however you please. But every time an American uses “cheers” instead of “thanks” or “mate” instead of “dude,” our forefathers roll over in their graves.

-JOHN PITTSLEY


Comments
  1. Imrightyouwrong says:

    Yeah, the most damaging spy in American history was just freed because America is too scared to defend its interests and certain patriotic douchebags refuse to acknowledge it. Because they are pussies.

  2. Car boned out says:

    If Caitlyn Jenner likes puffing on a fag does that make her a poofter who is a hag and if the Marlboro man is lonely on broke ass mountain singing God save the Queen to Freddy Mercury does the Lone Ranger get to finally mate with Tonto or does an alternative universe have the Gippers head stuck in a Nancy boys knickers while James Cagney sings I’m a Yankee Doodle dandy to Oscar Wilde. You forgot Lord Pittsley the equivalent word is Wiggers,those pathetic modern Amos and Andys hip hopping to a rap minstrel show.

  3. frank says:

    @Imrightyouwrong

    The espionage sentences over the last 50 years really make no sense to me. There are probably a dozen guys who got something like 20 years. On conviction they should be promptly strung up off the Arlington Memorial Bridge and left there to rot for a few weeks. I simply do not get why Pollard is still alive.

  4. spotarama says:

    america and england – two countries divided by a common language – thank fuck for that

  5. Terry Thomas says:

    Weirdly, I hate Brit’s using Americanism’s…It’s sounds fucking bollocks.

    Cheers-ears!

  6. OogaBooga says:

    Frank: You really don’t get why he’s still alive? Hint: He’s been earning triple-salary from the Israeli military the whole time he’s been locked up–paid for by me and you! They will celebrate him in Israel in perpetuity as they alerady do the bombers of the King David Hotel and the false flag fuckups involved in The Lavon Affair. Huzzah!

  7. Say what !! says:

    Ewww !!! “America under attack”, just breaking news, stay tuned to the latest developments from our big hair blonde bimbos here on your un-afraid non scaredy cat network, Foxy Cucksters.


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