Posted by
Lesley Arfin
• 06.23.11 12:00 pm


Seriously considering asking the BF to let me bone him with a strap-on. That’s more of a statement than a question, but the question I have about that statement is: Is doing that questionable?

Seriously considering asking the BF to let me bone him with a strap-on. That’s more of a statement than a question, but the question I have about that statement is: Is doing that questionable?

The closest I’ve ever gotten to his asshole is his taint, which he asks me to rub while I give him a handjob, and he gets weird whenever I go a little beyond. That said, I think he might be too self-conscious to let me do him with a strap-on. He’s sort of a conservo when it comes to boning.

I know the question he’d ask me if I approached him about it: “Why?” And my long-winded answer would be something like, “Because I like messing with power dynamics, and I also want to know what fucking someone else feels like, because why not?” Submission is sexy and it’s something that some of these artsy New England kids don’t get. I also don’t get why dudes still get hung up about their assholes.

What do you think, Barf?

-SANDRA BULLOCK IN WHO SHOT PATAKANGO?

Dear Sandra Bullock,
It’s not questionable that you want to fuck your boyfriend with a strap-on. That’s fine. That sounds interesting and fun to me as well. Why wouldn’t we be curious about doing that? I also think it’s fun to pee standing up sometimes just to feel like a boy for a minute. Peeing sitting down is more comfortable, less convenient.

I guess one can argue that the opposite is true for being fucked in the ass: less comfortable, more convenient. Can’t get pregnant through your butt for one, which also makes things less messy. But anyway, let’s talk strap-ons:

What IS questionable about this question is why you don’t understand why your (straight) boyfriend wouldn’t want to do that. And even if you can’t “wrap your head around that one,” you can at least respect the fact that it doesn’t sound all that great to him. I know girls talk a big game about how much they love butt sex but for the record: It hurts. You need a shit ton of lube and dozens of trials and errors before you can fully get into the butt groove. If a guy kept pressuring me to have butt sex and I wasn’t so sure, my first thought would be, “Dude, maybe you want to consider coming out of the closet?”

So what about you, lady? Have you thought about that? I’m not saying that you’re gay, but it’s not a black-or-white issue. Maybe you want to experiment with some third sex options before you start trying to date rape your boyfriend.

Anyone pressuring anyone else sexually is the #1 sexually repressed, creepy-unsafe vibe we are trying NOT to condone. I get role playing and the whole “submission is sexy” thing, and I think the New England arty boys get it as well. Trust me, they all watch tons of porn and are all pervs.

You can easily mess with power dynamics without fucking someone in the ass with a strap-on. In fact, I bet if you just whisper in his ear, “I want to fuck you in the ass with a strap-on,” you’ll be messing with that power dynamic quite a bit. Start slow and work your way up to the big black dildo. Don’t go from inching your finger around his taint to full blown hardcore porn. The fun part of sex is taking it slow and exploring the weird stuff before actually doing the weird stuff.* Sometimes the exploration satisfies in and of itself.

But no, Sandra Bullock, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do that. It’s so far from wrong or questionable. Just remember that if he’s not into it, there’s nothing wrong with him either.

*When I say “weird stuff,” I mean weird in a good way.

Toots,
-LESLEY ARFIN
LesleyArfin.com
CafeconLesley.BlogSpot.com

Send “Ask Barf” letters / replies to AskBarf@StreetCarnage.com (include photos!)


Comments
  1. newnumberorder says:

    I honestly can’t believe that straight people still exist. Ravage that asshole, Sandra!

  2. ethnic fairy says:

    give him a pinky and be happy if he takes it like a man.don’t shove any other object up his ass.

  3. DR says:

    Oh wait so being gay is all about assholes and not which sex you’re attracted to, i get it now.

  4. Hunk Williams, Jr. says:

    Don’t start with a full-blown strap on. Like Barf said, anal sex can hurt. If he’s into getting fucked in the ass, start small. Something like a finger-sized anal vibrator, and work up from there. Enemas and lube are necessary. If he’s not into it, and you still want to fuck a guy in the ass (totally get the power dynamic thing), there a plenty of men out there that will let you. Try http://www.fetlife.com

  5. Anonymous says:

    “Anyone pressuring anyone else sexually is the #1 sexually repressed, creepy-unsafe vibe we are trying NOT to condone. I get role playing and the whole “submission is sexy” thing, and I think the New England arty boys get it as well. Trust me, they all watch tons of porn and are all pervs.

    You can easily mess with power dynamics without fucking someone in the ass with a strap-on. In fact, I bet if you just whisper in his ear, “I want to fuck you in the ass with a strap-on,” you’ll be messing with that power dynamic quite a bit.”

    yes, yes.

  6. Once again, best of the SCs.

  7. raymeh says:

    i dumped someone who requested this. want his number? is famous.

  8. uhh... says:

    i’ve got an answer for you…FUCK NO

  9. Donald Glover says:

    dildo buttfucks are complicated and not very “sexi”
    nobody really gets off, it’s just some weird power trip thing
    not believing this is a “real” question but pretty good answer nonetheless

  10. scoob says:

    “If a guy kept pressuring me to have butt sex and I wasn’t so sure, my first thought would be, “Dude, maybe you want to consider coming out of the closet?””

    I think in this scenario it’s more likely you have a loose vagina not that he’s gay

  11. creepy dude says:

    “and I also want to know what fucking someone else feels like”

    So stick your finger in a hot buttered watermelon and chill the fuck out.

    Dyke.

  12. James Nevins says:

    @Creepy Dude
    Well said, sir. That’s what Richard Burton would’ve said.

    If you’re a straight dude that let’s anyone eff your eigh with a dildo, a dick or any other thing comparable, you’re not a straight dude anymore.

  13. Anonymous says:

    @scoob

    I think that it’s more likely that you have a small penis.

  14. James Nevins says:

    lets*

  15. Jon Wilkes Booth says:

    oooh, I always wanted to do this! I was lucky enough to have BF at one point who was gonna let me, but we couldn’t afford the strap on. Bummer.
    Yeah, pressuring anybody sexually is no good. Why would you even enjoy that? half the fun of sex is enjoying somebody else enjoying themselves. Total turn off if he wasn’t into it and it would be kind of selfish. Also, girls need to stop pretending that we like buttsex. It feels like you’re pooping backwards. The few times I’ve done it, I start going “Ow ow ow hahahaha owww!!” and that just ruins the mood. Guys need to be more comfortable with their sexuality and remember: your g-spot is back there! Maybe a strap on is a bit daunting and would hurt based on size, but every guy I’ve fooled around with who lets me put a finger up there while they get a beej realizes it’s a blast! Yeah, so lady, feel out the sitch and if he’s actually down for some butt play, start out small with a finger and massage his g-spot. If he loves it, you might be able to bring the strap on into the bedroom one day. However, if he’s just not down, let it go.

  16. busted says:

    Nah man, exit only.

  17. Katrick Pay says:

    @ James Nevins: Bullshit. I let my girlfriend stick a finger up my ass. It feels hawesome. Never used a dildo but if she whipped one out I’d give it a try. I let her suck my cock and play with balls, too. Hey, gay guys do all that so I must be secretly gay, right? Getthefuckouddahere.

  18. Christi Bradox says:

    Butt sex has nothing to do with gay sex. Straights never seem to get this. A girl’s ass is A GIRL’s ass, and a man’s ass is a MAN’s ass. It’s like saying if one gay man sucks on the nipples of another gay man that maybe he the nipple-sucker is secretly straight. See what I’m saying? Anyway, you’re the best Barf. Just chiming in all dumb and shit. PACE!

  19. lesley says:

    Definitely didn’t mean to insinuate what makes a person gay or not. It was a bad example of what I would say if a guy was constantly trying to force his dong into my butt. More likely I would say “NO MEANS NO MOTHERFUCKER.” For the record I like butt sex and and I also know many straight guys who used to stick pens up their butts while they were jerkin it in their teens. (But got paranoid that it was gay so they stopped).

  20. Code Bitchez says:

    Anyone that checks it out knows that being gay means you are attracted to the same sex. Two things, a straight guy might take it up the ass if you didn’t come at him with some Giant veiny John Holmes dick mold. Prostate massage is one thing. A giant cock and balls smacking you in the ass is another. I would recommend a smaller non cock mold toy. Something that doesn’t scream throbbing man meat. If he wants you to talk in a low voice and dress all butch, you may have a closet gay BF on your hands.
    Most straight men will still want nothing to do with it. Personally if there is a nice wet vagina right upstairs, I’ll take that anytime. All that lube and silicone is expensive, and really it’s just way more trouble than it’s worth. So you conducted a do you stick pens up ass when you jerk off survey. Get we get a pie chart or something?

  21. Hipster Runoff Addict says:

    the main prob with strap on butt boning
    is the answer 2 “will u respect me in the morning”
    is always gonna be “no”

  22. scoob says:

    @Anonymous I have a vagina

  23. kure kure takora says:

    Thank you for clarifying, Lesley, because I can still love you.

  24. pj smokey says:

    I can’t respect a man that takes a 9 inch dildo in the ass without any issue whatsoever. I can understand a pinky, a little taint rubbing, but insertion of a huge plastic cock? Pass.

  25. wtf says:

    I’ve got great advice!

    If you wanna bone your BF with a strap on, just whisper what you wanna do to him in his ear, and if he acts like he isn’t into it, just tell him “no homo.” I’m sure he’ll be down if he knows it’s no homo.

    Well, have fun!

    wtf

  26. Phuck you says:

    Find a well hung negro and let him fuck his ass raw.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Can any one tell me the picture above related to any film & what is the film name or actors name please

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