I am 18 years old and a huge fan of yours. I have got a problem that I knoooow you can relate to and would really appreciate your own personal advice on the situation: I have such a huge crush on Noah, who works at this fancy schmancy restaurant that I frequent pretty regularly.
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I am 18 years old and a huge fan of yours. I have got a problem that I knoooow you can relate to and would really appreciate your own personal advice on the situation: I have such a huge crush on Noah, who works at this fancy schmancy restaurant that I frequent pretty regularly. He’s a 20-year-old sparkly blue-eyed skater kid (totally your department), and I wanna have a summer romance with him in the worst way. I am also 99% positive that he likes me back. He def flirts with me and we have as lengthy a discussion at his job allows every time I go there. There are a million more examples that I won’t mention for the sake of brevity, but you get the idea.
Is he not asking me to hang out sometime because he’s working and doesn’t want to get in trouble? Should I ask him to hang out? Not an old fashioned gal or anything, but I usually leave it to the boy to do the asking. This I feel, however, is a special situation. I would just really like to end the summer with us having hooked up. Please answer because I love you and feel like you’d know exactly how to play this!
Dear Crushed Out,
I am a fan of YOURS for asking me this question, but the first problem with this situation is that he’s a skater! Skaters suck! I don’t ever date skateboarders (only Fat Bill, but he doesn’t count cuz it’s his job and he hates skaters too). Skaters are usually the type to have girlfriends but flirt with other girls just because they like the attention. They don’t know how to say no to women because each girl they meet is basically a hotter version of their mom because skateboarding is for children, and when you’re still doing it into your 20s, you become a man-child. How many professional skateboarders do you know have successful relationships?
And another thing, skaters usually have nothing to talk about other than skating. So in other words, they’re usually totally fucking boring. Once I made out with this pro skater dude. He wanted to come home with me and I was like “OK but let’s get pizza first cuz I’m starving.” It was the most awkward thing ever. All he did was talk about some skateboarding bullshit that I don’t even remember because I was too busy sleeping because I was so bored. Then he begged me to have sex with him and I made him sleep on the couch.
Anyway, just ask this guy to hang out. He’s probably just being shy. Keep going to where he works and keep talking to him and eventually you guys will talk about the MacGruber movie or something and neither one of you will have seen it, and then you’ll be like, “Let’s go see it!” And you’ll go see it and laugh and make out and by this time next summer, you’ll be adopting a kitten together. If you don’t believe me, write back and tell me I’m full of shit.
The summer is just starting. Keep flirting. It’s the best part of this whole thing anyway.
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