I am getting divorced. It is about a month from being finalized, and it was an amicable split. A few weeks after separating, I ran into a girl I have known, but not very well, for about five years. She used to waitress me and my exes table at a restaurant.
I am getting divorced. It is about a month from being finalized, and it was an amicable split.
A few weeks after separating, I ran into a girl I have known, but not very well, for about five years. She used to waitress me and my ex’s table at a restaurant. Well, I asked her out and we really hit it off quick. She said she was always attracted to me, just never acted on it because I was married. We basically fell for each other. She told me she couldn’t wait to be together and that she loved me.
Now it seems as though she is putting the brakes on. We have talked about it, and she said that she had a really bad break up and is afraid of getting hurt again. She has to move out of where she is currently staying and has decided not to move in with me, although she says she still loves me. She has a very hectic life and she would be moving farther away, which would make it very difficult to spend time together. I told her in certain terms how I feel about it, but don’t want to pressure her into anything she may not want to do. I think she is being truthful with me, but I have grown so accustom to spending a lot of time together that the idea of not being able to see her as much just isn’t very appealing.
We have been together for around five months and I think this would be the next natural step. There is a lot of passion in the bedroom, we can hardly keep our hands off each other, but she says she really wants to be sure so as not to get hurt. I know I would never do anything to hurt her, and really just want to love and take care of her. Any advice would be appreciated.
Dear Divorced Dude,
This girl sounds like she’s doing the most sane thing. If you guys are sooooo in love, what’s the urgency? You being accustomed to spending every minute together is understandable, but also selfish. You’ll become accustomed to spending time alone soon enough.
Change sucks, there’s an adjustment period, but deal with it. You were grown enough to get married and go through that “whole death do us part” shit, so maybe take a slow approach into consideration. Plus, if you’re aching for her super hard, most likely it’s not about her at all, but your need to fill a void with “love” and “passion” and all those other Valentine-y words the world has tricked us into thinking is “true love” but is actually addiction and bullshit and ego and nothing real that lasts forever anyway.
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