Posted by
Blognigger
• 10.29.08 03:11 pm

if_obama_wins_stfu

Whatup BN,

I don’t know if you had a chance to see the magnificent troll perpetrated by Gavin on StreetCarnage on Tuesday – in case you didn’t, check it out, it was the best thing ever ever ever on the site.
if_obama_wins_stfu

Astute Reader “Streetcarnage Named Dezenuts” writes:

Whatup BN,

I don’t know if you had a chance to see the magnificent troll perpetrated by Gavin on StreetCarnage on Tuesday – in case you didn’t, check it out, it was the best thing ever ever ever on the site.

Anyway I had a thought (a shameful, embarrassing, but original thought!!) and I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who can answer this question for certain. I happen to agree with Gavin that voting is for the most part a useless fucking masturbatory exercise – however, this time it might be different.

So cutting to the chase, and since you seem to be un-offendable let me state it this way for clarity – don’t take this the wrong way – but if Obama wins the presidency, will all the blacks shut the fuck up once and for all?

I know that sounds aggressive, but somehow I know that you’ll realize I don’t mean it offensively. I’m just being honest man.

Well, do they?

Thanks for all the cunning linguistics- you make my days brighter and foggy like weed.

-Clay (Streetcarnage Named Dezenuts)

Jesus christ, I’m so glad your letter is over. All tryin to be funny and shit, ya Chapel Hill UNC fratboy – just ask me the damn question! I get email from all over the world, and I swear to christ your prose is just as aggravating as the worst Polish or South American asstripe I’ve had to endure from anywhere. Fuck it: you’re literally worse than the DARK Mexicans, who are worse than Carlos Mencia, and so by the transitive property you are a big fat cunt.

Wow! Look at the unnecessary anger you’ve evoked; I wonder what that’s about? It’s surely not because I’m offended – as you know, I hardly even identify with black people at all – only enough to use my barely-qualifying Halle Barre skin tone as an excuse to create an inflammatory blog name to attract attention and feed my psychotic ego disorder.

So don’t take it personally, Streetcarnage Named Dezenuts. In fact, I apologize. Sorry; Sorry for that outburst.

Your question is almost fantastic, and will be once it’s edited thusly: You don’t really want to ask “If Obama wins, will The Blacks™ shut the fuck up,” because I think we all know the answer to that question: “No.”

You see, The Blacks™ (e.g. Rev. Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, and some privileged douchey Columbia University African American Studies TA preaching to a bunch of apologetic white freshmen chicks sitting native-american-style in his dorm room smoking hash and listening to him talk about Modes of Racial Alienation in the Workplace he’s never entered while they stare at his package and rub their legs together like crickets) will never shut the fuck up. Ever ever ever, as you say, Carlos.

The real question you want to ask is “If Obama wins, Do The Blacks™ have to shut the fuck up.” Much better question cause it’s got a much better answer – YES THEY DO.

Right? They’ll have to shut the fuck up then, yaknow? Totally will have to, right? NO, not fuckin right! See – I just wanted to get to you say that shit.

Listen, don’t get upset, it’s a trick question: The answer is that The Blacks™ should have shut the fuck up quite some time ago: NOT exactly when the first wealthy Black Proto-Diddy entrepreneur slinked out of a Model T, turned to the shineboy valet and said boy u betta mind this hat and have it steamed bytime I get back outta he-ah….but absolutely unequivocally by the time the Huxtables came into power.

The Huxtables were more than equal – the Angel Heart daughter was white for chrissakes – they lived in Brooklyn Heights, could vote, buy the painting at the auction that time, drink from water fountains and shit; done deal pal – done deal.

And indeed, all normal lowercase b blacks – at least anyone I would consider hanging out with – all DID shut the fuck up about race a looong time ago. Q-Tip said it in 1989 for fuckssake: “Afro-centric living is a big shrug…”

Reality check for White America: When I’m with my black friends (both of ‘em) we sit around talking about pussy and Sarah Silverman and her pussy and The Onion and this bitch and how much the new Simpsons sucks and then sometimes my retarded gay friend talks about World of Warcraft and his character Clovis the ColonKeeper Paladin Level 12.

What, you think my peoples sit around talking about Plessy v. Furguson? You think I give a shit about Rosa Parks, may she rest in peace? (she dead?) Hey Jewish guy: how do you feel about Oskar Schindler? Who gives a shit, right? But-but-but; the nigga saved all these jews from the holocaust! Well, yeah, he hooked you up indirectly but you don’t sit around getting high and talking about his factory-owning nazi ass, right? How is that shit gonna get the General Tso’s chicken to my door faster? Thanks, but yaknow? You feel me?

So the bottom line is – The Blacks™ will never stop obsessing about Race like a bunch of jerkoffs. Ignore ‘em. And regular lowercase b black people have all gotten over it by now – and anyone who hasn’t will still find a reason to be upset even after Obama is president.

Nigga has a white gram-ma?! Fuck tha-shit! Gim ME a white gram-ma I’ll go to harvard too NIGGA. punk ass nigga. a yo lemme hit that shit over here philly ain’t a microphone kid sss ssss ssssss sssss!

Fuck it, ignore ‘em. You don’t see those fools anyway, do you? I don’t, so how the fuck do YOU see ‘em? Get ‘em outta your head – why do you care what they think?

Now Dr. Mencia, let me redirect your question a bit more if that’s ok – let me advise you that if you waste your time speculating what The Blacks™ or the blacks are going to do, you’re going to miss the real bonus benefit of an Obama victory – It’s all about getting a whooooole ‘nother group of people to shut the fuck up….the FAGGOTS™ !

If Obama wins, Politically Correct Faggots™, WILL, for the first time ever, HAVE to shut the fuck up; and you know what – some of them might obey!!

Proof by induction:

PCFags™ have been walking around all guilty and apologetic and scared and insecure since about 1987. All their judgmental fake-ass uptight accusatory bullshit is fueled entirely by a single deepdown fantasy which is their WORST nightmare and it goes as follows:

They’re riding on the A train and are suddenly and inexplicably called out by a multitude of Blacks™. The Blacks™ start pointing at them and grabbing them by the shirt collar and then their leader is all “THIS WHITE GUY DOESN’T LIKE THE WAY WE SMELL WHEN WE SWEAT. HE THINKS BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A PARTICULAR NEGRO ODOR WHEN WE SWEAT. FUCKIN GET HIM AND SWARM AND BEAT HIM AND FUCKIN SHAME HIS WHITE ASS! THEN GET HIS CAR KEYS TOO RACIST WHITE BITCH!”

So PC Fags™ live their whole lives in fear of this experience – they are afraid of getting FOUND OUT as racists. See, in real life, everyone is a “racist,” and so normal people just say, ah, big deal, in the end I wish everyone the same middle-finger, and my particular racisms rarely need to come up. But see, that standard-issue innate “racism” scares the fuck out of a PC Fag™ – they see it within themselves and freak the fuck out! So as a defense, they’re all forced to go through life on the PC attack tip! They gotta point out shit that is OFFENSIVE, accuse people of racism and sexism and this and that to divert everyone’s attention away from their own secret niggerfear. Everyone has racism inside them, but instead of coming clean they point their fingers, and in doing so for 20 years they’ve ruined American fun and comedy with a witchhunt that would make Sen Joespeh McCarthy himself shave his nuts in shame.

Now here’s why they might Shut The Fuck Up if Obama wins:

Understand their mentality: In their eyes, Obama-as-president levels the playing field. They no longer have to fear the trainswarm fantasy, because even if it actually happened, they could then just shout “LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OFF ME! WE ALL PROVED TO YOU PEOPLE WE WEREN’T RACIST. LOOK AT THE PRESIDENT! I DON’T LIKE THE WAY *ANYONE’S* SWEAT SMELLS!!! LET ME FUCKIN–”

Let him go, let him go. He’s right goddamnit… they proved it.

So the PCFags™ percieve Obama’s victory as giving them this get-out-of-jail-free card to use in case of trainswarm; Therefore, it will cause their fear of this nightmare to abate. Finally, without this fear motivating their core behavior like a psychotic Kernal Kurtz, they will be able to come off the offensive, drop the whole witchhunt charade, and thus we will slowly see the muscle behind American Political Correctness start to atrophy.

In closing, let me confess to you that as a half-a-fag, I’ve got a little more skin in this game than you might suspect:

I’ll admit…I just don’t think a black man can win the presidency in this country. If he does, it’s too foundation-shattering for me to comprehend – it would mean there is NO X-FILES SMOKING MAN behind the curtain – cause that nigga would NEVER let some shit like this happen.

If Obama gets elected, for me it will be like finding out definitively that Oswald shot Kennedy, Bush believed there were weapons of mass destruction, the US really did land on the moon, and Roswell New Mexico is just a military testing facility in a desert shithole – all in one cockgulp.

It would completely fuck-up the conspiracy theorist inside me, but more to the point, it would assassinate my inner-faggot. I don’t believe it can happen, but I think it will. We’ll see.

And as for The REAL PCFags™ : the hippies, the Park Slope Co-op cunts, the Jezbians – I really believe they’ll stop sucking Black / Gay / Brazilian people’s dicks quite so hard. In their eyes, voting for Obama is the ultimate and ideal apology to Minorities™ – public, visible, easy, and cool.

Hope this helps, Mencia, ya smug little faggot-ass date-rapist. Shit, there goes that anger again, no-nigger. My apologies – now where do I click to shut up the Gen-Y cunt-ass Misfits-listening niggerloving hipsters?

Happy Halloween, ya cunts.




Comments
  1. sacha says:

    i’m white and i don’t have any black friend.

    and i don’t care.

    and hippies need to die now.

    so what?

    i don’t feel any urge to apologize for anything to any shade of colored people. i think racism is just too much fun to be shut down. that said, i don’t care if my sister or my daughter gets banged by another race.

    good article, but a bit long regarding the matter of factness of your point, don’t you think?

  2. ashley says:

    if obama wins does that mean the hillbillies can keep talking shit?

  3. Chad Allan says:

    Now all the racists will have something to complain about.

  4. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles says:

    I have a neighbor downstairs who is black but he’s a little nerdy. Like he lives with a bunch of white dudes and wears glasses and probably goes to college and shit. Sometimes, I pretend he is BN.

  5. Vane$$a says:

    Can someone fire this stupid asshole? Not for his opinions or anything, but just for being a stupid asshole. There’s that place where being unenlightened and self-involved is funny, but then if it goes too far it becomes nothing more than some spoiled piece of shit with an average i.q. and a loud mouth being publicly irrelevant because he can’t stand it when people aren’t looking at him. It’s annoying. Grow the fuck up, junior. When you do, you’ll realize that you have no talent and that the people who tell you that you do only do so because they are sub-average. Quit trying so g-damn hard to polish the hubris laden world of your organic turdliness.

  6. kernal kurtz says:

    this is so astoundingly brilliant on 100 diffenet levels. i need to read it five more times.

    this guy gets deeper and deeper… bn, you’re absolutely the black James Joyce of Blogging.

  7. glapi says:

    hey vanessa, has anyone told you had no talent either lately? because you seem kind of upset here.

  8. boner$ says:

    ahhh vanessa, just cause he came on your back dont be bitter.

    and you know damn well you cant even read the post

  9. worried black guy says:

    are the hippies and jezbians really going to stop sucking our cocks? i was starting to get used to it. i dont know about park slope people, never had my knob polished by them.

  10. SoWhat! says:

    Vanessa is not an asshole. She is an entire hairy ass.

  11. PCfag says:

    Yesss BN rules again. shitstreaks!!!

  12. srsly says:

    blognigger tip of the hat to you and gavin; brilliant job yous two

  13. vanessa is sarah palin says:

    hahahaha “publicly irrelevant”

    vanessa you sound like a GENIUS
    nice public illiterate fail.

    good work bn, epic shit.
    we negrows do have a particular smell.

  14. This post was 7 words too long.

  15. Chachi and the Ashley Tisdales says:

    Oh, that was good. He explained exactly why political correctness is just a middleman between our racist thoughts and everyone else. Because of political correctness, we will never know who our enemies and friends really are.

  16. linus says:

    funny as shit as usual… but couldnt disagree more with the conclusions. we are in for an absolute EON of political correctness stating next tuesday.

    great post.

  17. tommy gun says:

    vane$$a always FAILS.

  18. fartz says:

    once again, BN and this site offer a totally refreshing unique POV in a fucking boring ass blogosphere of PC-ness.

  19. WOLVES says:

    BN BARACUS!!!!

  20. donald trump says:

    vane$$a: looks like you’re fired.

  21. willie randolph says:

    shhhh pic = best image in streetboners history

  22. pillowbiter says:

    i vote blognigger for obama’s speechwriter. then i’d be 100% on board.

    oh, and when are you gonna dump that dickcheese gavin and get a new sugardaddy? i’m tired of him.

  23. campcore vs wharf says:

    if you don’t like blognigger than you are stoops du jour fo shure

  24. nik p says:

    fuckin awesome BN.

    the paragraph that starts with “So PC Fags™ live their whole lives in fear of this experience …” was spot fucking on.

    refreshing n honest perspective of the general public like this blows me away.

    peace,

  25. Janie says:

    What does he mean,voting might matter THIS time? What the fuck! Didnt Bush win TWO fucking terms for christssakes? Didnt it matter then too? Fucking crackhead.

  26. Fredo says:

    I agree with “linus” up there.

    Next Wednesday morning is when PC becomes Federal Law.

  27. JUST WANTED TO POINT OUT says:

    I think you missed the point blognigger. I don’t think he was asking if Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were going to have to reinvent themselves. It’s more like, are blacks going to stop causing a ruckus everywhere they goddam go? Like, can I sit on the fucking bus in peace? Can I eat my lunch at this diner in peace? N’ah mean?

  28. lol@u says:

    that paragraph that ends with cockgulp – that shit is funny.

  29. to summarize a black guy... says:

    So PC Fags™ live their whole lives in fear of this experience – they are afraid of getting FOUND OUT as racists. See, in real life, everyone is a “racist,” and so normal people just say, ah, big deal, in the end I wish everyone the same middle-finger, and my particular racisms rarely need to come up. But see, that standard-issue innate “racism” scares the fuck out of a PC Fag™ – they see it within themselves and freak the fuck out! So as a defense, they’re all forced to go through life on the PC attack tip! They gotta point out shit that is OFFENSIVE, accuse people of racism and sexism and this and that to divert everyone’s attention away from their own secret niggerfear. Everyone has racism inside them, but instead of coming clean they point their fingers, and in doing so for 20 years they’ve ruined American fun and comedy with a witchhunt that would make Sen Joespeh McCarthy himself shave his nuts in shame.

  30. McCain says:

    oh my god i just figured it out – Vane$$a is a chassidic jew!!! That’s why she can’t type “god.” INVISIBLE KOSHER ZOMBIE WILL GET U VANESSAAAAA!!!

  31. Dr. Zhivago says:

    I’ll admit that I am pulling for an Obama win but that I really don’t like blacks. I like them individually, but in a group I think they are wastoids. They all think that they have huge dicks and buy magnums but the condoms don’t fit well and they get AIDS and have kids because of it. I think that the entire continent of Africa is one large mass of war, famine, rape, and savage cocks. I think that if Obama wins the people who need to shut up are the Blackmericans. Shut the fuck up. Start pulling out in time. And get an education.

  32. Taeil says:

    Yeah so when Obama wins, do white people get the n-word back? I thought it would happen when OJ was found innocent (another hang up altogether)….

    But man, I’d love to see Kramer go, “I was never racist, I voted for Obama!”

  33. srsly says:

    dr.zhivago. does that mean it makes sense.

  34. Brian says:

    Why would the guy getting beat up on the A train have car keys if he’s taking the subway?

  35. daz76 says:

    Voting for Obama was one of the most racist things I’ve ever indulged in and I love it.

  36. LOL says:

    I want Palin to be vice pres so bitches will stop their complaining about, treated like objects, Equality,glass ceilings, sexual harassment and rape.

    If you don’t want to be raped stop being party whores, kissing girls, dressing like sluts and start dresing like Mrs Palin.

    SMH.

    You guys are progressive.

    Damn all those PC FAGS! Oh wait, we like fags, we’re free thinking, nonracist western hipsters….unlike those curry smelling paki muslims and nigger rappers. Oh wait..

  37. B. Carbine says:

    LOL’s flat nose is obviously put out of joint that another niggerblogger gets tons more attention than he does.

    Keep shaking your head until that worthless melon falls off.

  38. Spanky McTony says:

    I hope by 2014 you replace Dr. Phil

  39. Blognigger's ho says:

    I want to be your ho Blognigger. Please fuck me in the tits. I really hope you’re not one of those black guys with a small dick, but even if its tiny, shove it in my ass

  40. "Streetcarnage Named Dezenuts" says:

    That’s the dumbest fucking handle I’ve ever seen. Yeah, I get the “Streetcar Named Desire” reference, but it’s tortured and awkward.

    Now go resume blowing black guys.

  41. bernie goetz says:

    Sure guys – matter of fact I have 5 dollars for EACH of you!

    BLAM BLAM BLAM in the spine

  42. bloodyknows says:

    good points. and vane$$a is just jealous.

  43. amelia bedilia says:

    Hi everyone –

    BN reader here, first time streetcarnage commenter.

    vane$$a isn’t jealous, but everyone’s right that she’s acting like a cunt.
    here’s my analysis:

    She didn’t read the article, obviously – it IS long but it doesn’t have any fluff, it IS brilliant and it is well worth the read.

    The key to understanding vane$$a is her use of the word “unenlightened”

    vane$$a is, in a way, a politically correct drone – she is having a gut reaction to the name blognigger just like any other hostess of The View would do – it’s obviously built up within her – this is not the outburst of a first time reader… she’s seen blognigger’s name on Streetcarnage for a few months, a gut distaste built up inside her, and now she’s finally venting.

    She thinks he is “unenlightened” because she doesn’t understand any of the intent behind blognigger’s name or his piece. She is having a gut reaction to the title of the article… and in the end taking it all to mean : “Someone is saying nigger and saying that blacks should shut the fuck up! This guy’s an asshole”

    Rather Sara Palinny in her comprehension process.

    Good for all though. This is the a very enjoyable SC thread.

  44. amelia_bedilia says:

    Hello everyone —

    BN reader here, first time streetcarnage commenter.

    vane$$a isn’t jealous, but everyone’s right that she’s acting like a cunt.
    here’s my analysis:

    She didn’t read the article, obviously – it IS long but it doesn’t have any fluff, it IS brilliant and it is well worth the read.

    The key to understanding vane$$a is her use of the word “unenlightened”

    vane$$a is, in a way, a politically correct drone – she is having a gut reaction to the name blognigger just like any other hostess of The View would do – it’s obviously built up within her – this is not the outburst of a first time reader… she’s seen blognigger’s name on Streetcarnage for a few months, a gut distaste built up inside her, and now she’s finally venting.

    She thinks he is “unenlightened” because she doesn’t understand any of the intent behind blognigger’s name or his piece. She is having a gut reaction to the title of the article… and in the end taking it all to mean : “Someone is saying nigger and saying that blacks should shut the fuck up! This guy’s an asshole”

    Rather Sara Palinny in her comprehension process.

    Good for all though. This is the a very enjoyable SC thread.

  45. bitch says:

    Christ, this post was amazing. Thank you, Street Carnage, for introducing me to the daily brilliance of Blognigger.

  46. BN4PREZ says:

    Every day, I sit at work in front of this goddamn computer filling out goddamn daily sales reports and entering timesheets and all other sorts of menial shitwork. Every day, when it becomes too much to take, I’ll check streetcarnage to see if any of my friends got their pictures on there. Usually it’s just some lame “hot” girls and some report about a faggy band I don’t care about, but on the days when there is a new blognigger post, I read it, I reread it, I discuss it with my coworkers, and it basically makes my day better. Today’s post was no exception. Fine, fine work blognigger. Thanks for making my day better.

  47. 0000 says:

    A “PCFag” is a closet racist usually and is kinda like that one or two friends that went to rehab and will be all weird and overly cool at your birthday.Theyre worried that you might not find them as cool as Drunk them and your worried there desperate anxiety won’t explode all over your Appletini.

  48. B. Carbine says:

    For whites, being PC is a way of casting off whatever collective historical guilt they believe all white people inherit at birth. It’s guilt-projection, and it’s usually done at the expense of lower-class whites, who had much less to do with historical financial-exploitation schemes such as slavery.

    For blacks, being PC is a way of projecting all your inadequacies and failures on the super-powerful superhero called The White Man.

    In other words, it’s guilt-projection for fags.

  49. All I can say is DAMN that bitch is SKINNY (the one on the loo).

  50. please says:

    “It’s surely not because I’m offended – as you know, I hardly even identify with black people at all – only enough to use my barely-qualifying Halle Barre skin tone as an excuse to create an inflammatory blog name to attract attention and feed my psychotic ego disorder.”

    that is exactly who you are, and you know it. but you pull it out and use it against someone when you get upset with what they say just because it reminds you of your color. whatever.

    also, not every pc fag is so because of guilt. it’s trendy, sort of like being a hipster. you give people too much credit. you really think they’re all that well-thought?

  51. Jennifer says:

    Just because he won doesn’t mean there is no ‘X-FILES SMOKING MAN’ anywhere, maybe the ‘X-FILES SMOKING MAN’ did it to shut everyone up? :P


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