I’d like to know how you feel about The Asian Switch?
Astute reader Noam Chomsky writes:
I’d like to know how you feel about The Asian Switch?
Never heard of it?!?!?!!? Jesus christ you really are black.
Fine, I’ll tell you what it is, but don’t tell any of my aryan brothers or sisters that I am letting you in on this secret that we talk about while you’re at work. This is The Asian Switch: Let’s say you’re behind a very hot brunette on a subway platform. She’s got the long legs, the real ass, the long black hair — you’re thinkin damn, this bitch looks like a young Demi Moore or even an Angelina Jolie. Train comes, you both get on, she walks ahead of you and takes a seat — when she sits down, she turns to face you for the first time and BLAMMO — turns out she’s Asian and flipped the whole shit on you.
That one sounded even a little obvious — it’s even more fucked up when a chick is blonde — just looks all meaty and completely white from the back and then you lean forward to check out her face and DAMN — she’s slanty as a stuyvesant.
Now that you’re familiar with the terminology, I’d like to hear:
1. Is this a phenomenon you have noticed
2. How do you feel when it happens to YOU.
Defender of Freedom
US out of US
That’s the second-most brilliant thing I’ve heard this week. (Watch out – the proprietor of the first-most brilliant idea has already become a famous queer.)
As a matter of fact, your so-called Asian Switch happend to me just yesterday, coming up stairs from the F-train at West 4th. I was walking up the stairs, and my face was planted 5 inches from this chick’s perfect ass in business-suit pants, her panty line just barely showing through her thin woolcashmere. We took each step together in synchronization, her ass and my face locked in a glorious erotic motion, discreetly populating my masturbation cache with rounds of precious, elusive ammunition.
I should digress for one minute to point out something I’ve always regretted not including in my hot chicks on the subway post. If the subways themselves are like a gigantic porno, the station stairs are its closest thing to a venue for actual sex. Coming up the stairs during rush hour really is very close to getting an amateur lap dance from one of those shitty non-contact places they tolerate in San Francisco. A girl’s ass is right in your face, each step is making her ass cheeks work, and best of all it’s totally legit for you to be watching as long as you pretend you don’t care.
And some girls know it! It’s awesome to watch girls with skirts try to hold their skirts down, or even cover their shit up with a bag or something, but it’s all in vain! Their struggle makes it hotter! Your face is allowed to be right up in their working, sweating ass – their every step waving toward your eyes and penis – and if they ever fronted and were like, “WHY ARE YOU STARING AT MY ASS AND SAVING IT TO USE LATER AFTER YOUR WIFE GOES TO SLEEP??” you could just be like “ARE YOU CRAZY? I’M LATE – CAN I GET UP THE FUCKING STAIRS PLEASE?” – all indignant and shit? The onlookers would all be like shit, what’s wrong with her?
Ok, back: so I was going up the West 4th street stairs getting a lapdance from this bitch. When we got to the top of the stairs, I saw her beautiful little blouse, the back of her neck, her little lightbrown ponytail – DAMN she looked just like Lori Golden from my summercamp – all jewish and girl-next-doory? UH.
I sped up a bit to complete my internal rendered model by analyzing her face – that little suburban 914 soccer and field hockey-playing bat mitzvah-attending WTF?! Korean girl?? For real!!?
Switched my shit up, son! Just like this racist faggot says. You got me – the Asian Switch is real.
Now, as to how I feel when it happens: When I am the victim (!) of an Asian Switch, I feel disappointed; let down. Remember, this is about honesty. There’s no denying that I feel disappointed – so let’s try to figure out why:
The most logical explanation would be that I wasn’t attracted to Asian women, buuuut I can’t really let myself out that easy. A disproportionate amount of Asian women are theoretically gorgeous – although it is true that I almost never lust after them psychotically.
This concept of theoretical beauty – hot-on-paper – I think this proves that it’s NOT purely aesthetics that attracts me to a girl; makes sense, otherwise I would be wanking it to playboy and penthouse and professional porn instead of girls-we-snatch-off-the-street.com.
I guess that above-all, I’m attracted to an everyday, girl-next-doory quality. Any freudian psychologists out there – is this because I was reaching my sexual peak in sleepaway camp and on family holidays? Am I trying to get back to those girls? If you know, Lemme know. note: If you feel it’s actually because I’m trying to fuck my mother in the ass, then please don’t respond at all.
I HAVE met some asian girls with that girl-next-door quality – just very few. Those Asian girls I have been smitten with were ALL American chicks who looked like Winnie Cooper.
So I guess that’s the explanation, Blognigger: you want to fuck white girls more than asian girls so you get disappointed when you think a girl’s white but she turns out to be asian; Was that so hard, ya jerkoff?
Well, I think it goes one level deeper though: Since we’re actually not going to fuck any of the girls we see on the subway in real life, I think that a lot of the sport has to do with the baseball card phenomenon: We are collecting girl sightings. Most are just random players, you got doubles of some, but when a rare comes along – damn that bitch was a Thermon Munson rookie, kid. It’s a rush!
So from a collector’s perspective, a tall dope Angelina Jolie lookin’ girl is a RARE! But a tall dope asian girl is a dime a dozen. This bitch I got quadruples of:
Nowwww I think we’re getting to the bottom of it; So that’s why I feel let down when I get hit with the Asian Switch. It really has to do with the rarity of the sighting being switched up at the last minute; I thought I had the Mattingly ’84 Donruss, but it was just a Mike Pagliarulo from nintety fuckin two. Nigga from the back they both looked the same!
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