Posted by
Donald Crunk
• 03.10.11 11:30 am


If your life-goal is to be a “creative” person, then there’s lots of cool stuff you can do to achieve happiness and tranquility. You could make some art, start a clothing line, direct an indie film, start a band or maybe even write a book. If you’re a pretty girl with no talent, then you could sleep with the popular guys and/or girls who do all the actual creative stuff.

If your life-goal is to be a “creative” person, then there’s lots of cool stuff you can do to achieve happiness and tranquility. You could make some art, start a clothing line, direct an indie film, start a band or maybe even write a book. If you’re a pretty girl with no talent, then you could sleep with the popular guys and/or girls who do all the actual creative stuff. I guess that could be fun too?

The downside of being creative is the insecurity and self-doubt that hangs over your head like a bad haircut. If by some chance you do actually become successful at your chosen craft, then the rest of your life will turn into a series of frustrating 100-meter dashes to a creative finish line, where the gold medals are made of internet praise, living hand-to-mouth and maybe an awkward threesome every once in a while. If you are talented (i.e. lucky) enough to trip over that elusive creative pot of gold, then the entire community that praised you on the come up, will be on your arse waiting for you to fuck up so they can take your spot.

Here are a few examples of creative people from across the spectrum of struggling with success/coming up/getting hated on/”Wait, is that dude still alive?”

HARMONY KORINE

This guy right here. I remember seeing Kids and being blown away. My heart stopped when Chloe found out she had herpes. Hold on, it wasn’t Herpes, was it? It was AIDS, right? Fuck. That movie made me wanna make movies. I mean real movies with real people. The people I see on buses and in overpriced sandwich shops. I remember pitching a weird reality-drama-com to The Big Pink’s drummer Akiko. She was really into it, but for some reason, it never happened. Harmony’s making art for Urban Outfitters now, which I imagine pays quite well. (Let the hating begin.)

TAVI

I wonder if this little girl is happy? Blogging about fashion is great and all, but what about the fun kiddy stuff that pre-teens do, like watching cartoons and listening to shitty music? I wonder if she’s ever experienced stuff like that? I sure hope so, because people in fashion are usually depressed cunts who hate carbs and secretly despise their sartorially insecure lives.

KESH

When Myspace was king, this London girl ruled the post gangsta-rap, ironic gold-rope-chain wearing, “I just fell out of the ’80s” demographic. Guys wanted to fuck her and girls wanted to eat her. Kanye West wore her home-made tee, then she did some “kind-of-a big-deal” fashion stuff in between DJ slots and updating her Myspace. I believe she lives in the States now.

THE STROKES

Click to enlarge

I saw this picture and it made me a little depressed. They look like a bunch of douchebags. Is this what money and fucking super models does to you? And doesn’t Julian look a little chubby/depressed/”meh” in this new vid?

Regardless, I’ll probably still download their album, so I guess none of this even matters.

VINCENT GALLO

Buffallo 66 is an Amazing movie. I never managed to catch The Brown Bunny, but Vincey boy is pretty funny on Twitter too. No idea what he’s up to now.

HENRY HOLLAND

Sometimes all that matters in life is knowing the right people and showing up to all the right parties. If you get that right, then everything else falls into place. That’s the bad thing about the creative industry; spend too much time schmoozing and fucking, and you’ll forget about the important things, like talent and humility.

PHARRELL

See above. Actually, “Skateboard P” played his part in some amazing hip-hop records, but then he got lazy and turned into Henry Holland.

OFWGKTA/LIL B

Man, the internet is a weird and scary place. Sometimes it mirrors the “real world,” but most of the time it doesn’t. More often than not, all it mirrors is a big fat stupid lie. I asked a bunch of hip-hop heads what they thought of Odd Future and Lil B, and they’d never heard of either. And these guys know a lot about hip-hop. The internet had me convinced that OFWGKTA and Lil B were famous. Then it clicked: People who like this kind of rap, don’t actually like “rap.” They like lolzy little memes they can post on Tumblr and skits on Funny or Die:

Fuck you for making me look stupid, internet.

-DONALD CRUNK
TheStyleSlut.com


Comments
  1. mini cooper cunt says:

    Gallo is a hot shot in car commercials now…. Oh and he did an H&M campaign a couple of springs back.

  2. i only fuck lesbians says:

    dead right about odd future. starring paul shear is like snl, you know its jumped the shark.

    and pharrel is living the dream, doesnt everyone want to make amazing hip hop records then get lazy?

  3. Rex Reed says:

    If any of these people keeled over tommorow, would I be moved to say

    “We have lost a giant” ?

  4. DJBurgerKing says:

    I work with the guy that made this, Harmony’s buddy….
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwhlSw_ofzQ

  5. kilbs says:

    Was wondering when somebody with half a brain and a ball was going to say Odd Future sucks. It’s about fucking time, didn’t think it would happen here. I salute you Donald! Nice work on the rest of this post too.

  6. Danne C says:

    Harmony’s T is awesome

  7. Aales says:

    “Yeah”

  8. kilbs says:

    Hey AALES, I check out your page and despite what your mother might tell you. That ain’t music you’re making.

  9. Creepy McCreeperson says:

    You forgot Ralph Machio. What ever happened to the Karate Kid!?!

  10. JüCIFER says:

    “They like lolzy little memes they can post on Tumblr and skits on Funny or Die:”
    GOLD BABY, GOLD

  11. ..... says:

    Truth….especially about Odd future and Lil B…..but then again, maybe we are all just getting old and grumpy……naaaaaaaaah

  12. not published or required says:

    Kudos on the odd future diss. that stuff is bullshit for white people who are scared of black people

    the rest of this was some superficial tripe.

    men should not be into fashion (regardless what old bi dudes tell you)

    Fuck you bout harmony korine tho i have a lot of respect for his stuff (or maybe fuck him if hes gone to shit thats his fault i will get back to you on this)

  13. Anonymous says:

    With floral patterns, flowing silhouettes and plenty of jeans, UO styles a carefree Midwestern flair that defines college wardrobes across the country

  14. raymes says:

    creative is exhausting.

  15. lolzy says:

    In the words of Mos Def.
    SWAG!

  16. okay says:

    aren’t most of ofwgkta and their fans literally children?

    teenagers like the internet more than real hip hop? mind blowing shit, you fucking dinosaur.

  17. Anonymous says:

    so true about odd future, real rap fans recognize that shit is wack

  18. aesk47 says:

    Oh shit, i actually liked Odd Future, but i guess i’ll have to listen to the real internet and start bitchin about how they suck and they’re scared of white people and Lil’ B, and they never really skated with Pharrell Skateboard… Shag, shag, shag!

  19. luke says:

    I called Odd Future bullshit because I’m old and angry, but then I listened to Yonkers, and, woops, it’s really good. That’s all I’ve really heard though, because who has the time to care?

  20. Hop Conway says:

    Tyler’s Bastard album is dope and turned up on a whole bunch of “Real Rap” blogs’ end of the year lists. Tyler does most of his own production and artwork and says shit like “i created Odd Future cause we’re more talented then 40 year old rappers talkin’ bout Gucci when they have kids they haven’t seen in years, impressin they peers” and “who the fuck invited Mr. I Don’t Give A Fuck.”

    He’s got flow. that’s it, end of conversation. Your “Real Rap” friends are probably boring World Star Hip Hop devotees who listen to bullshit like Jedi Mind Tricks and Yelawolf and don’t like OFWGKTA because they’re young and they wear shorts.

    That said, Lil B is garbage.

  21. itsguccitime says:

    The guy from The Strokes with the long hair would look SO much better with short hair.

  22. casi nuevo says:

    Every time there´s new guys rapping people say “it’s not real”…same old old hating new.

  23. dasad says:

    the strokes have always been rich douchebags, the two main dudes met at a fucking swiss boarding school for crying out loud. have you ever seen their interview with nardwuar? it will convince to despise these fucks forever

  24. kokehead says:

    The Strokes put me to sleep. zzzzzzzzzzzz

  25. on my blackberry says:

    that whole thing was for OFWGKTA

  26. dad says:

    “rap guys”???? the same white guys who fucking sort through all kinds of records to find 20 seconds of a sample.

  27. yOmama says:

    I can’t fake it, just break it, and when I take it
    See I specialize in making all the girls get naked
    So bring your friends, all of y’all come inside
    We got a world premiere right here, now get live!
    So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little
    I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
    Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
    G’s to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo

  28. Anonymous says:

    I agree with everything @Hop Conway said.

    Really have a hard time understanding how anyone can say OFWGKTA isnt real hip hop?
    Oh well, what do I know Im a almost 30 year old white dude.

  29. you all like "Fergie" says:

    I’m guessing you live in NYC where the “real rap dudes” have been so out of the loop for about 10 years now they still think people care about RA the rugged man.

  30. sucka says:

    odd future is too dumb to be insecure.


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