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• 01.30.09 06:50 pm

The maniacally brilliant Bill Hicks will be on David Letterman tonight. It’s not a repeat and he hasn’t risen from the dead. Letterman just seems to have finally snapped and accepted that the infamous censored rant stashed in his coffers is the Holy Grail of comedy

The maniacally brilliant Bill Hicks will be on David Letterman tonight. It’s not a repeat and he hasn’t risen from the dead. Letterman just seems to have finally snapped and accepted that the infamous censored rant stashed in his coffers is the Holy Grail of comedy monologues. Bill Hicks was a take no prisoners motherfucker and I’m surprised even today that it’s going to actually air.
His mom is gonna be there to introduce the clip and that’s cool. I am happy for her and happy that Bill shall have some measure of revenge, the chance to toss a few last sticks in the cages of the ignorant. Tune into the good news tonight on CBS. If you don’t know who Bill Hicks is “your an idiot.”

  1. Taeil says:

    His material reminds me of early Denis Leary….

  2. Taeil says:

    this is the best news in entertainment since talkies!

  3. WHATEVS says:

    A lot of people are actually of the opinion that Mr. Leary stole the best parts of his act from Hicks.

  4. WHATEVS says:

    Penis Leary owes his entire career to Bill Hicks. He straight-up jacked his entire act, as well as plagiarizing specific jokes.

  5. Taeil says:

    Oh really? And some people are actually of the opinion I was making a sarcastic crack about that….

    P.S. second comment wasn’t me.

  6. bloomberg says:

    the second you sounds smarter

  7. Taeil says:


  8. Many believe Hicks’ pancreas to have been clairvoyant, and, believing that the whore Jeanine Garofalo may one day wax poetic about a future boring monologue…it could no longer find a will to produce insulin and instead chose to succumb to cancer and kill it’s host.

  9. Pearl says:

    This is great news. Hicks is the main man. Good on Letterman and CBS for finally coming around and not being quite as serious suckers of satan’s cock, yeah?

  10. ruber says:

    How bout I kick “you’re ass,” dummy? Hell is non-smoking.

  11. Abortion Ayatollah says:

    it’s just David Cross with a wig.

  12. Niggy Smallz says:

    That’s not funny. Dane Cook is funny.

  13. Beaks says:

    In the words of Artie Lange “…Janeane Garofalo. I don’t like her. I met her a couple of times. Personally, I thought she was a cunt. And I find her to be an awful, awful comedian”

  14. Matrick Swayze says:

    why are people talking about leary and cross like they actually meant anything when bill hicks was around?? taking the piss eh

  15. Books & Backpacks says:

    @A A – :)
    BH = meh
    2Beaks – +

  16. imbored says:

    bill hicks is awesome but im tired of all this “denis leary stole his act” nonsense. They have similar jokes but they’re about pretty common stuff like smokers complaining about non smokers. So fuckin what! what about all the jokes they have that are different? Besides they have different styles.

  17. imbored says:

    dennis leary is 90% shmegma

  18. bilbo says:

    at what point did Janeane Garafalo turn into Eddie from Iron Maiden?

  19. Jim Goad says:

    Bill Hicks on Denis Leary:

    “I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did.”

  20. vegan jules says:

    if you listen to “live at the oxford playhouse” or “shock and awe” (British releases) you’ll get much better versions of these jokes, along with his best material.

    Anyways, you don’t just get cancer from smoking cigarettes, you get it from eating meat and dairy too.

    Hicks was brilliant but he had sex addiction, nicotine addiction, anger, isolation, etc… mostly the result from eating meat and dairy. We need to move on. We can’t have more brilliant people die like this. Imagine if he was around for Bush 2 and the Iraq war, do you know how funny that would have been?

  21. vegan jules says:

    P.S. “your an idiot” should be “you’re an idiot.” Nice one Trace, I thought you could do no wrong.

  22. toots says:

    uh, vagina jules-I’m pretty sure Trace was making a funny, this the quotes.

  23. Splooge says:

    Artie Lange and Janeane Garofalo are both incredibly unfunny stand-up comedians. Really dull. Lange’s sometimes pretty funny on Stern, but that ain’t stand-up, that’s ensemble. Alone on a stage, he’s as funny as any blue-collar schnook in a sports bar – which is to say, not very.

    Leary, for all his thinly-veiled plagiarisms, at least managed to generate a few chuckles back in the ’90s with his rapid-fire schtick, and he has some amount of charisma.

    Hicks, though, is the undisputed king, with Chris Rock firmly holding down second place. It’ll take one seriously smart and talented sumbitch to change this.

  24. fizzlebottom says:

    I could have done without the Rage Against the Machine song at the end.

  25. youthmovementqueef says:

    Officer Coon?

  26. Splooge says:

    Can we all get Bill Hicks rotting cock out of our mouths and get over it already?

  27. Prostate on a bun says:

    Isn’t this just for angry viewers to project themselves? David Cross has some jokes, but he is a smarmy prick because he is bald and nerdy. This guy Hicks is angry because he is in his forties and is stuck doing one nighters at The Chuckle Hut. Can you imagine what a drag this guy would be to drink with? Just because you agree with the guys politics doesn’t mean he is the best comedian. He was probably cut from CBS because he isn’t really funny.

    On A Sore for Sighted Eyes the commentary track guy says “Comedy is supposed to be funny, not just therapy for yourself”.

  28. Suggestshaun says:

    Yeah, Bill Hicks not all that funny. Never really made me laugh that hard. I just sat back and said “I agree-ish”

  29. vegan jules says:

    you guys need to stop calling me vagina jules and what not. Just because I am a sensitive person does not mean I will not happily meet you and beat the living shit out of you.

  30. srsly says:

    i thot vegans lovd vagine.

  31. meat is grandeur says:

    “no cure for cancer” is what made Dennis Leary famous, get it? ha ha ha.

    also, if vegan jules is not a ruse, he is a mormon.

  32. wack-boy says:

    That was quaint.

  33. Kronster says:

    I now know why people call me an angry arsehole It’s the meat and dairy that i eat i alway’s thought it was because i am a miserable arsehole,just like my mum.

  34. Kronster says:

    My pussy hurts.

  35. guys.... says:

    that act was good, but I didnt like how the tv show it was shown on add fake ‘film skips’ (it was probably filmed on VHS, not 16 mm) and called it ‘comedy uncensored’ when they bleep out his middle fingers with the words ‘censored’ over top..

  36. faggot fluuuute! says:


  37. Wade says:

    george carlin was hangin off his nuts to but i like him more then leary

  38. convert says:

    Dude I am totally going vegan thanks jules ware should I start?

  39. buster says:

    Wait a second, THIS ISN’T DANE COOK?!

  40. imbored says:

    I wonder if people would be praising bill hicks as much if he hadn’t died (fairly) young.

  41. Lair says:

    imbored – had he died any younger nobody would have known him, course that’d please your grumbly ass just fine.

    i think this recent choice to dig out the performance has more to do with the fact they’re making a biopic of Hicks life rather than the fine folks at the late show suddenly giving a shit.

    one last point : how right did hicks get proven on the Billy Ray Cyrus front? had the man been heeded BRC’s demon spawn need never have stolen your children’s minds and stripped their souls naked. plus we woulda gotten over the whole graphic televised death/murder thing a whole lot earlier, instead of having to wait for those goofy israelis to make with the goods.

  42. jules says:

    Dear Convert,

    It ain’t gonna be easy pie, but it’ll probably be the best thing you ever do and you’ll know it after a month. The biggest part is about being informed because all the people around you will attack you. But if you are prepared and know what to say you will survive. It’s one thing to go vegan but it’s another to know fully why you’re vegan.

    Start with, the vegetarian guide to your city, and be sure to know all the places where you can get vegetarian food, and learn not to be scared of asking regular restaurants with vegetarian options to make your food vegan, i.e. no butter, cheese, eggs. If you’ve got extra income it helps, you’ll probably have to spend more eating out at first, but eventually your pallette will change and you will salivate at the thought of a pear, a raw chocolate bar, etc… Eventually you end up spending less money on food. I suppose it helps to learn some vegan cooking, but I haven’t even got around to that yet, though “Vegan with a Vengeance” is supposedly the best cooking entry text.

    The most important thing to do is to get “World Peace Diet” by Will Tuttle, who is a PHd from Berkeley and has been vegan for 30 years. This is without a doubt the fucking atomic bomb of eye openers. If you can make it through the first 100 pages of all the horrible shit that meat eating causes in the world, you will reap quite a few benefits if you carry on. also has a podcast section which you should download all of, and listen to. That is a more shorthand way of being prepared and dealing with questions you have.

    The first month is strange, you’ll feel a lot of discomfort, like headaches, and a bit of insomnia, and your piss will be dark orange/brown. It’s only your body using it’s first opportunity to expel shit loads of animal toxins. You’re not a naturally carnivorous creature. You’ve got herbivore physiology. After a week, you should feel your addiction to sex, drugs, alcohol vanish. After two weeks you’ll feel your slavery (to women, your girlfriend, your ex-girlfriend, pornography, what have you) vanish. You’ll also feel compassionate towards other people and you’ll stop being overly critical of them, and you’ll be able to be nice to them without wanting anything from them. This is truly a great, liberating feeling I must say. After about a month, you’ll be pretty much on autopilot. I can’t even list all the benefits I’ve received, the more you read “World Peace Diet” the more sensitive you will be to what they are, they will probably be particular to you.

    You’ll need to find support where you live, find veganchicago, veganlondon, or vegan la groups and go to their monthly lunch meeting or whatever. Join vegan groups on myspace, i.e. vegansexuals, peta, etc… go on vegan forums like (mixes punk and veganism) and others. If you live in New York or Portland you’ll probably find some really cool vegans, otherwise, we’re not all cool, and we’re not all that informed, so be a beacon for that yourself.

    I was vegetarian for two and a half years before I went vegan so I had some experience saying no to animal food, so go at the pace that you can, but I warn you that you won’t reap any of the benefits that a vegan will by being vegetarian, your life will still be a mess, and you’ll still demonstrate all the full blown characteristics of meat eaters, and that, though you don’t quite know it, is living in slavery and hell. Cheese and milk seem friendly and innocuous, but they’re as cruel to animals and yourself as meat, and that you eat and drink them is not natural (though profitable dairy corporations would have you think so).

    This is a lot to say. and of course there’s plenty more, but I gotta go.
    Best of luck dude. I’m always here if you have any questions.

  43. GarbageTits says:

    Bill Hicks isn’t funny. Stand up comedians are never funny. Improv is lame.
    Fag power!!

  44. meat says:

    hey jules, fuck off and die

  45. jules says:

    sorry didn’t mean to rewrite the bible.

  46. Mike says:

    I watched it and remain unimpressed. Just a bunch of jokes he wrote years ago. Get some new material, schmucky!

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