This week’s pick is COP OUT.
We all know bootlegs are wronger than wrong. They ruin rich people’s lives and punch holes in the fabric of society like horny, nihilistic, terrorist moths. That is why it is incumbent on Street Carnage to expose you to these wrongs, the poor quality of the product and hopefully help you make the right choice. That being, it’s hard to pay $15 a head for a poorly conceived, self-conscious, overly focus-grouped fart of a film.
Kidding, if you agreed with that last statement in any way, shape or form you are a rectum hole. The real lesson here is:
Since the dawn of mankind films have always been around and always will be, so support them. It’s what makes this country great and what teaches us all about history and provides most of our much needed life-skills. Every movie is amazing and deserves our respect and money. Each movie teaches us so much about so much. Don’t buy bootlegs, they are bad and they are made by bad people for bad reasons.
This week’s pick is COP OUT
DISTRIBUTED BY: Perturbed Chinese International
REAL DIRECTOR: Kevin Smith
ASSHOLE TAPING IT, DIRECTOR: Scumbag
This bootleg was handed to me in a bar by an exhausted, paranoid Chinese gentleman. So right there, the experience was rich and delightful right off the bat. The film itself was fantastic. You want the plot, go see the film! I recommend pouring money into someone’s hands (at a theater) to see this one. I need to rent extra thumbs to show you how much I liked COP OUT!
FUNNY, FUNNY CELLPHONE SCENE: RUINED
Let’s talk Chemistry: Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, or as it reads on the cover “Bruce Tracy and Willie Morgan,” are exceptional as too mismatched yet complimentary police detectives, skirting the boundaries of the law to apprehend the bad guys!
Too bad a fat guy coming back from the powder room, walking through the frame steals the show instead of our hilarious heroes. Again, Bootlegs are evil.
GUN AND BADGE SCENE: RUINED
Probably the best one ever shot, ever. Ruined by the hum of the theater’s air conditioning system. Thankfully the audience was silent and not laughing or responding at all during most of the film, so I could just make out the dialogue.
VITAL INFORMATION SHARED BETWEEN TWO OTHER COPS SCENE: RUINED
These are the other cops. I do not want to spoil the film but let’s just say these guys are like Coproids on Bruce Tracy and Willie Morgan’s Copholes. They rub it in, they snitch and one of them is played by the guy from that show called:
Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Here we come!
Anyway, again “Sir Piss-A-Lot” gets up and walks through the frame, rendering the scene indecipherable. He really pulls you out and once you are out, it’s really hard to get back in. Again, this is because of the inferior nature of bootlegging. They are too unpredictable and too wrong to watch.
I’ve included this scene because it is funny. So funny in fact, the bootlegger laughs. If there is anyone out there with laughter identification software, I am hoping we can zoom in on his chuckles and bust this dirt bag. Please listen carefully, this may be the lead we need. Listen hard because bootlegs are killing us all.