Posted by
Lasse Holmberg Josephsen
• 11.21.12 04:30 pm



Israel and Palestine are at it again, firing at each other with rockets and threats.

Since both sides are known for their violent tantrums, I find myself shaking my head and thinking, “What else is new?” It’s hard to figure out which side’s the worst. They’re both assholes.

Meanwhile, a whole different sort of conflict took place on the FX network the other day, a conflict in which I had no problem picking a side.

Eternally annoying Brit comedian Russell Brand has somehow managed to get his own talk show, which is odd, because it’s scientifically proven that giving Russell Brand his own talk show is a huge mistake that could have disastrous results on humanity.

On this particular episode, Brand had invited two guys from the Westboro Baptist Church, the homo-hating church from Kansas led by the fun-loving Phelps family, known for walking around with signs and T-shirts saying “God hates fags!” and picketing funerals of dead homosexuals and servicemen.

Fun bunch.

I have to admit that I nurture a certain respect for the Westboro gang. They clearly don’t give a flying shit what people think of them or their message. It takes balls of brass to be so open about your own hatred and bigotry. But the picketing of funerals is indefensible. If I was burying a gay friend or a relative who’d been killed in combat, I’d be devastated if a bunch of religious nuts came and disturbed the funeral, holding placards saying my friend/relative was now burning forever in hell for his sins. In that case I’d murder the picketers, then picket their funerals.

But I’ve got no problem with them being fag-haters in general. And they are right: God does hate fags. The Bible says so. You have to be Russell Brand to think anything else.

Oh yes, Russell Brand, that rotten lump of Marc Bolan’s smegma who just won’t stop appearing on TV and in films. The ex-junkie who used to harm himself, probably because he realized deep down that his whole existence is a mockery of everything that is good and pure in humanity.

I can’t fucking stand the guy.

His idiotic hair.

His oh-so-wicked glam pirate outfits.

His faux intellectualism and smug attempts at eloquence.

This guy shouldn’t have a talk show, he should have a shallow grave somewhere on the English moors.

Yet there he was, “interviewing” two guys from the Westboro church.

Take a look:

I say “interviewing” in quotation marks because he wasn’t really interviewing them. Oh no, this was Brand’s time to shine, to show off himself as always. During the whole segment, Russell kept disrupting the duo from Westboro, poking fun at them for being troglodytes from the stupid ages, while Russell himself and his audience of mongoloids represent the Here and Now.

Seeing Russell Brand confidently try to teach the Westboro guys about the real meaning of the Bible—to massive cheers from his retarded audience—makes me want to take a shit in my own mouth and then vomit the shit back up again on my computer screen (I watched it on YouTube.)

You might disagree with the theology of the homo-haters, but chances are they know more about the Bible than Russell “Dabbles With Hare Krishna Because That’s What Shallow Celebrities Do” Brand.

Russell Brand teaching the Westboro Baptist Church about being a Christian is a bit like Ronald McDonald teaching Zeus how to be a mythological creature.

Ridiculous.

Brand then asks the anti-fag boys about “the ecological disaster and the growing power of corporations” and if they don’t think God is more worried about that than about bumming.

Go kill yourself, Russell, you pompous fucking ape!

MTV, whom you used to work for, are they not a corporation? FX, the channel you’re currently on, are they not a corporation? The movie companies who release your inane fucking films, are they not corporations? When flying in jets to all your shows and movie sets, are you thinking about “the ecological disaster?” Do you, Russell?

Of course not.

Hypocrite.

Fake.

Fag.

Of course Huffington Post and Gawker loved it. The latter even managed to write this:

The interview seemed headed for certain doom when the WBC members wasted no time in presenting Brand with a custom-made WBC protest sign that read “PIMP FAG BRAND.” [sic—try gawking at the sign, snarkfags!] But Brand took their trolling in stride and soldiered on, ultimately managing to engage the hatemongers in a surprisingly civil discussion of faith and interpretation.

Civil discussion? Dear God almighty!

But that’s Gawker for you. Shouting an opponent down is considered a victory for those guys.

I don’t believe in God. I don’t have anything against homosexuals. But I’m very much against Russell Brand, and that’s why I side with the Westboro Baptist Church this time. If there is a hell, then Russell should surely burn there for all eternity.

 

—LASSE HOLMBERG JOSEPHSEN

 


Russell readies himself to be “branded” with Satan’s cock.


Comments
  1. Sackington Ballsworth says:

    apt

  2. Uncle Wah Wah says:

    If a rocket fell out of the sky and killed Russell Brand, would you hear anyone cry?

  3. Good stuff.

    Eventually you’ll come around and realize that the Westboro Baptist Church is right about almost everything.

    Several months ago, I engaged Richard Lawson at the Atlantic Wire as the news of the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. He writes for them and is gay, so he was openly celebrating this victory for gays.

    I mentioned to him that now gays can openly be gay while attacking foreign states and killing innocent people without justification.

    It may be crass and tasteless, but the WBC has the right idea when picketing these funerals.

  4. anne-onymous says:

    Hey Lassie, what do you know about Russel Brand other than the few movies or shows that have hit your shores? Likely nothing. I think your vomit was induced by jealousy ah lah “how dare this guy have a show and career and I don’t”… maybe do some research about the guy, and find out what he has done before slapping together half assed post.

  5. Lasse says:

    Ooh, I think we have a Russell Brand stalker here!

  6. RED says:

    @niccolo
    I don’t get why a soldier being gay and invading foreign lands is worse than him being straight. Aren’t they both just taking orders?

  7. aesk47 says:

    Sucks that Hitler is dead, it would’ve been awesome to root for him during his interview with Russell!

  8. Lasse says:

    You compare anything the Westboro yokels does to what Nazi Germany did? Interesting.

  9. Billy says:

    Gay friend?

  10. anne-onymous says:

    @Lasse
    From that I take it that you really do not have any idea then. Only a primary school girl looking for attention would throw around the term “stalker” as hastily as you, and for someone so quick to throw around the “Hypocrite. Fake. Fag.” tags about someone after seeing a youtube interview, your comments seem to lack the balls of your (ill thought out) post.

    Your posts premise: “I side with Westboro Baptist over Russel Brand”. Wow, what an independant thinker we have here. The only “Hypocrite. Fake. Fag.” here is you.

  11. niggerfaggot says:

    Obviously these guys were looking for a fight when they showed up with that sign. Do you really think that limey sweet boy didn’t show them exactly the courtesy they deserve, or are you just mad that Russell Brand gives you a big ole’ throbbing gristle?

  12. Lasse says:

    At least I went to primary school and learned how to spell “independent.”

    Did you cry when you read my piece? Did it hurt that someone was writing nasty stuff about your hero? You really have a hard-on for Russell Brand, don’t you?

    Listen, silly little person: you haven’t refuted my claims about Brand’s hypocrisy. You just come off as a sad idiot with a creepy celebrity fetish.

  13. Billy says:

    @Myself do i actually take myself seriously enough to comment hundreds of times on here?

  14. BillyAIDSvirus says:

    that photo at the end is really funny

  15. anne-onymous says:

    I am not a fan of Russell Brand, but not living in America means that I must receive via the media a more full understanding of what is going on with regards to English personalities.

    So no, I neither cried or felt hurt about what you wrote, because it is the meaningless drivel of a jealous hack. I did find it annoying however to read an article written by someone who did not even bother to be insightful or detailed, deciding instead to pull in random tid-bits as you went along. I understand you ‘hate’ this guy. I even ‘get’ your reasons why, and that this interview you saw was your catalyst to write the post… but there is no need to ‘refute’ your ‘claims’ about ‘Brand’s hypocrisy’, because what you base your claims on are stupid. “Brand asked questions about corporations power and eco disaster, but he works for a corporation! and he uses items that pollute!” Yep, just like most every other human on earth, including you.

  16. ex-pat essex boy says:

    there is something about Mr. Brand that makes you wanna hate him (jealousy? an unrequited crush maybe?) but at the end of the day he is sharp as a tack and funny as fuck.I understand that from the US you kinda see the more dumbed down american-friendly side of his persona,but having seen a lot of him on UK TV a few years back,my initial response was to want to hate on him as well,but pretty soon i realised i too was probably a little jealous of the fella.
    get over yourself Lasse you little fart.He’s hilarious.
    and kudos for proudly displaying the three swords of essex on the wall there.

    oh-and:”at least I went to primary school and learned how to spell “independent.”…did you really write that or did you get your 5 year old sister to? 0/10

  17. Don't Quit Your Day Job says:

    You were onto something when you concluded that both sides of the isreali-palestinian conflict were assholes.

    Brand’s “faux intellectualism and smug attempts at eloquence” – I agree, fuck him. But the hypocrisy of the WBC claiming they love sinners and are out to save them? That’s complete bullshit, they actually celebrate their damnation. That makes them assholes too.

  18. JM says:

    russell brand’s show is kind of a dud, but watch any interview of him (the one’s of him on craig ferguson are particularly entertaining), the dude is a bottomless pit of improvisational comic genius. Name anyone that can rattle off as many zingers and witticisms as quickly and articulately as brand. I really can’t think of anyone in the same league even.

  19. Sniffy says:

    Brand licks balls. I’ve seen him, he licks mine all the time.

  20. Randy Lahey says:

    I don’t like Russell Brand but I definitely just laughed when he said he’s called a fag pimp because he gives out cigarettes

  21. CJ says:

    Yeah, you should familiarize yourself with his more thought-provoking works. Like shoving Barbie dolls up his ass.

  22. Kennedy says:

    Brand is still into drugs. He takes loads of unfunny pills.

  23. Collin Bullshit says:

    Brand is in the entertainment business. What about that do you not get? Spend your time doing something constructive… like carving soap animals.

  24. Willy Battle says:

    This all pretty true, thing is. If you ever listed to his BBC Radio 2 show a few years back (his funniest stuff) you would know that he is completely self aware of all his obnoxiousness is part of this comedy character he’s made himself into

  25. Beef says:

    Guys, there are more important things than stupid Russell Brand; my long-winded explanation of how much I hate him.

  26. a hooner says:

    I’m just flying the old flag here


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