Israel and Palestine are at it again, firing at each other with rockets and threats.
Since both sides are known for their violent tantrums, I find myself shaking my head and thinking, “What else is new?” It’s hard to figure out which side’s the worst. They’re both assholes.
Meanwhile, a whole different sort of conflict took place on the FX network the other day, a conflict in which I had no problem picking a side.
Eternally annoying Brit comedian Russell Brand has somehow managed to get his own talk show, which is odd, because it’s scientifically proven that giving Russell Brand his own talk show is a huge mistake that could have disastrous results on humanity.
On this particular episode, Brand had invited two guys from the Westboro Baptist Church, the homo-hating church from Kansas led by the fun-loving Phelps family, known for walking around with signs and T-shirts saying “God hates fags!” and picketing funerals of dead homosexuals and servicemen.
I have to admit that I nurture a certain respect for the Westboro gang. They clearly don’t give a flying shit what people think of them or their message. It takes balls of brass to be so open about your own hatred and bigotry. But the picketing of funerals is indefensible. If I was burying a gay friend or a relative who’d been killed in combat, I’d be devastated if a bunch of religious nuts came and disturbed the funeral, holding placards saying my friend/relative was now burning forever in hell for his sins. In that case I’d murder the picketers, then picket their funerals.
But I’ve got no problem with them being fag-haters in general. And they are right: God does hate fags. The Bible says so. You have to be Russell Brand to think anything else.
Oh yes, Russell Brand, that rotten lump of Marc Bolan’s smegma who just won’t stop appearing on TV and in films. The ex-junkie who used to harm himself, probably because he realized deep down that his whole existence is a mockery of everything that is good and pure in humanity.
I can’t fucking stand the guy.
His idiotic hair.
His oh-so-wicked glam pirate outfits.
His faux intellectualism and smug attempts at eloquence.
This guy shouldn’t have a talk show, he should have a shallow grave somewhere on the English moors.
Yet there he was, “interviewing” two guys from the Westboro church.
Take a look:
I say “interviewing” in quotation marks because he wasn’t really interviewing them. Oh no, this was Brand’s time to shine, to show off himself as always. During the whole segment, Russell kept disrupting the duo from Westboro, poking fun at them for being troglodytes from the stupid ages, while Russell himself and his audience of mongoloids represent the Here and Now.
Seeing Russell Brand confidently try to teach the Westboro guys about the real meaning of the Bible—to massive cheers from his retarded audience—makes me want to take a shit in my own mouth and then vomit the shit back up again on my computer screen (I watched it on YouTube.)
You might disagree with the theology of the homo-haters, but chances are they know more about the Bible than Russell “Dabbles With Hare Krishna Because That’s What Shallow Celebrities Do” Brand.
Russell Brand teaching the Westboro Baptist Church about being a Christian is a bit like Ronald McDonald teaching Zeus how to be a mythological creature.
Brand then asks the anti-fag boys about “the ecological disaster and the growing power of corporations” and if they don’t think God is more worried about that than about bumming.
Go kill yourself, Russell, you pompous fucking ape!
MTV, whom you used to work for, are they not a corporation? FX, the channel you’re currently on, are they not a corporation? The movie companies who release your inane fucking films, are they not corporations? When flying in jets to all your shows and movie sets, are you thinking about “the ecological disaster?” Do you, Russell?
Of course not.
The interview seemed headed for certain doom when the WBC members wasted no time in presenting Brand with a custom-made WBC protest sign that read “PIMP FAG BRAND.” [sic—try gawking at the sign, snarkfags!] But Brand took their trolling in stride and soldiered on, ultimately managing to engage the hatemongers in a surprisingly civil discussion of faith and interpretation.
Civil discussion? Dear God almighty!
But that’s Gawker for you. Shouting an opponent down is considered a victory for those guys.
I don’t believe in God. I don’t have anything against homosexuals. But I’m very much against Russell Brand, and that’s why I side with the Westboro Baptist Church this time. If there is a hell, then Russell should surely burn there for all eternity.
Russell readies himself to be “branded” with Satan’s cock.