Posted by
Shift
• 10.30.12 09:30 am


“How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?”

Six.

“How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?”

Four.

Hurricane Sandy pummeled the eastern seaboard of the United States on Monday with high winds and heavy rains.

Obvious question: Are Pussy Riot OK?

Yes. They live in Russia, which wasn’t affected.

Also on a lot of people’s minds though no one wants to come right out and say it except perhaps on MSNBC: Was George Bush responsible?

Yes.

Former president Bill Clinton said of the storm, “It’s nothing compared to the storm we’ll face if you don’t make the right decision in this election.”

MAY-day! MAY-day! Man overboard!

Who made him a meteorologist? I guess being on the campaign trail beats staying home for him. Talk about a cold wind a-blowin’!

Reports vary, but anywhere from thirty people to fifty million people are without power. There seems to be some “wiggle room” on that one. Which means they can’t read this anyway.

Watch this: Hey, people without power! You suuuuuck!

Ha!

There were reports of “a large amount of tree downage in some areas.”

Really? Any floodage?

Parts of lower Manhattan and Greenwich Village are said to be underwater, which is bad news for a whole lot of people with the word “Ramblin'” in front of their names.

Ramblin’ Bob Greenblatt was last seen paddling down Bleecker Street on a dulcimer, muttering to himself, “There’s a folk song in here somewhere.”

“Some call ‘er Sandy but I call ‘er a dirty rotten shame…”

YEE come a cow come a cow cow yip-PEE!

The storm wreaked havoc on the entertainment industry and both David Letterman and one of the Jimmies with a late-night talk show had to tape their shows without a studio audience.

The lack of laughter at their monologues caused both entertainers to turn surly and resort to saying things like, “What is this? A painting? Hello? Is this thing on?”

Both had to be restrained when they took to the streets chasing after Red Cross workers, shouting, “Hey! Did you ever notice how one wheel on the shopping cart goes ’round and ’round? Hey! I’m talking to you!”

What’s up with hurricanes?

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.

 

—SHIFT

 


Comments
  1. F MI says:

    I. M. DUMB

  2. Sandy says:

    3=======O ~~

  3. raymes says:

    I feel it.

  4. […] Reports of Tree Downage, and Also Some Floodage Posted on October 30, 2012, 11:10 UTC, by MC, under 日本語. Shift has the details at Street Carnage. […]

  5. billy says:

    The jimmies sure are becoming a thing.


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