Posted by
Blognigger
• 09.30.09 12:01 pm


You wanna know why my wife and I don’t go out to dinner more often?

You wanna know why my wife and I don’t go out to dinner more often?

A babysitter charges 20 bucks an hour, so as I told my wife, once we have a babysitter for 6 hours, it becomes cheaper for me to have actually fucked her. It’s cheaper to have a girl suck your dick than watch your kids. Ain’t that some shit?

So we don’t get out much.

However, this OLD old friend of mine was in town from Seattle recently, so we really had no choice: I sprung for a Jewish babysitter, and my wife and I went to meet my friend at a restaurant on the Lower East Side.

Now, this Seattle guy is an ex-New Yorker — he’s the most liberal and PC person you can imagine, which really is an ironic worldview to maintain when you’ve chosen to surround yourself entirely by white people.

He was my best friend growing up, but for the last 15 years I’ve been constantly annoyed by the Harriet Tubman-ass hero he paints himself out to be. Every single thing he says seems tailored to make it seem like even his doodie is progressive.

This dinner was no exception. I had to tune out while listening to him talk about this “compost initiative” he had “spearheaded,” and some other squeaky-clean, Microsoft-ass Seattle bullshit.

So during his fuckin’ song and dance, our waiter comes over with appetizers, and I notice for the first time that his curse-finger is wrapped with a serious bastion of gauze and bandage-tape — as if he was just gashed by something in the kitchen.

Once the waiter left the table I said, “Nothing I like better than a huge bleeding gash on the people handling my food.”

“Not down with the whole ‘True Blood’ vampire steez?” My friend chuckled in denial.

“Yeah something like that,” I said, “at least when it comes to vampires with AIDS.”

“WELL,” he says, “you know there’s physically no possible way to transmit HIV via food preparation.”

“Oh I know,” I said, “just like there’s no possible way to get it from mosquitoes — but I still can’t seem to find a doctor willing to sleep in a locked vault naked with ten thousand mosquitoes and a person with AIDS.”

“WELL,” he smirked, “I see your point there, but this really is different — I mean, it’s scientifically impossible for a food preparer to pass the virus down to you.”

“Oh I know you’re right,” I replied, “I believe you, and I agree. You know what would be interesting though? To have a restaurant that was staffed ENTIRELY by people with HIV.”

He gave me this look from when we were growing up: the “why are you doing this” look that is supposed to make me feel like the Black Larry David ™.

“All the cooks, waiters, janitors, Mexican busboys,” I proposed, “all of them would be HIV positive. And all the politically correct yuppies could eat there to show how progressive and educated and liberal they are.”

“I don’t get it,” he said and looked at me.

Now, he wasn’t trying to impress a girl or anything — it was just the three of us — he really just was THAT concerned with impressing HIMSELF with his righteousness. Bullshit: This is a guy who in 9th grade used to throw wet paper towels at Chassids from his tenth floor window.

“You don’t get it?” I probed ecstatically, “You don’t AGREE, you don’t think it’s FUNNY, or you literally don’t get it?”

“I don’t get it. What would be the point?”

“Sounds like we have our first customer! You could eat there every day and by the way, you’d love it — the food is fantastic — and there’d by almost NO chance of you getting AIDS.”

“There’d be NO chance of getting AIDS.”

“Oh so you do GET it then, right? You GET it obviously, you just disagreed before.”

“Yeah I mean, you can’t get aids from food preparation.”

“But why did you pretend not to GET it — I mean, even if YOU’D have no problem eating there, you’re obviously aware that SOME people wouldn’t want to eat there. Unless you’re saying there’s no discrimination against people with AIDS. There is still discrimination against people with AIDS, right?”

“Obviously.”

“Right, obviously — so you’d still have to recognize the interesting nature of the restaurant experiment and the choice that it presents the public.”

“Right, I get it. I just think it’s stupid. ”

“OK, but a minute ago you were saying you didn’t GET it so … Were you … Was that just … ?”

So he called me a dick and got a little angry. Fair enough.

Here’s the fucking point: I’m not saying I DEFINITELY wouldn’t eat there (I wouldn’t) — I’m just saying I don’t appreciate the thin veneer of feigned denial that goes into PC robots’ arguments like this. It’s a pattern that you see time and time again in their arguments: They PRETEND not to even understand what you mean, as if that would make them pure and un-tainted instead of just ignorant.

For example, my cousin (another PC fuckface) asked me, “Why would you build this restaurant in Chelsea?”

Why Chelsea???

Is that a serious question? How can I take you seriously when you ask me a question like that?

Ok, let’s do first grade:

1. Chelsea is where lots of gay people are.

2. AIDS is a disease that gay people get.

3. Having the restaurant in Chelsea would make the proposed situation more feasible and funny.

Get it now, you patronizing cunt?

Why do you PRETEND not to know what I mean — you mean you’re such a fighter for justice that you’re not even able to UNDERSTAND the viewpoints of fear and bigotry that your opponents possess? Jeez, that really doesn’t make you a very strong fighter! You ought to educate yourself on what you’re fighting against!

It’s like the classic black woman line: “Whatchoo mean YOU PEOPLE?”

Well, what I mean is YOU PEOPLE. The perceptions about YOUR RACE and YOUR GROUP which exist. Why do you think pretending not to understand makes your argument stronger? If you were telling the truth, which you’re not, it would just make you inexperienced and bafflingly unaware.

Clearly you’re familiar with the stereotype that Jews are cheap. So when I joke “Wow, Jew, you gave a ton of money to charity — are you sure you’re Jewish? YOU PEOPLE are supposed to be CHEAP.”

I mean exactly that.

YOU

PEOPLE (i.e. THE JEWS)

ARE

SUPPOSED

TO

BE

CHEAP.

That’s what I mean by YOU PEOPLE, so do you get it now?

You disagree? Don’t think it’s funny? Good, then argue with me. Isn’t your argument strong enough to stand on its own? Isn’t it strong enough to survive honesty? Then why are you pretending you don’t know what I mean?

The waiter agreed; he helped me down from the bar with a tear in his eye, the slow clap of the other patrons filling the silence of restaurant. He admit that he was gay, and forced my friend to chew on his bleeding finger. They are now both in hospice in Bethesda, Maryland.

-BLOGNIGGER
Get AIDS on Twitter


Comments
  1. SK says:

    wow. just….wow.

  2. Kat says:

    I just had a similar conversation with a militant vegan who refused to entertain hypothetical situations (such as making the choice between saving an infant and a puppy if placed at gunpoint) because A: she couldn’t possibly place unequal value upon life, and B: her entire argument would be invalidated by the honest answer she was bound to give. PC fanaticism just deters from real conversation.

    Bravo

  3. No Room For Nigger says:

    Try living and walking around in Vancouver. I deal with this fucking bullshit every day. The amount of times I’ve had to listen to yoga mom tell Jayden, Kayden and Hayden about how important it is to respect the earth and other cultures while they run screaming around a restaurant pissing everyone off and yelling and shit….

  4. FrizzleFries says:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  5. french guy says:

    A. you sound like House MD when he’s out of drugs. maybe you should take the damn pills again?

    B. people say they “don’t understand” so that you rephrase it entirely and make an ass of yourself by exposing your prejudices (but you’re right everyone has a lot of them and lies about it… blablablah)

    C. I used to work with a guy who had aids (yes he still has it… grammar, people!) and I have been stung by a mosquito in the same room as him. I stopped working with some weeks after that…
    (but i’m clean, of course) (i checked).

  6. Dog says:

    I would say that you can hypothetically chose the baby’s life over the puppy’s because killing the baby would cause more suffering. You can hold this view and still think that it’s always wrong to kill animals for food. Our pleasure when eating them is outwayed by their suffering when being killed. Animals suffer and unless you’re some kind of creationist nutcase you have to admit that the difference between you and any other animal is on a difference of degree.

  7. Videodrew says:

    I don’t get it…

  8. grimey says:

    if you were really so progressive you would let a guy facefuck you and then get a gay dentist to repair your mouth after it gets the teeth fucked out of it but i guess you’re just a SECRET NIGGER

  9. Cable guy says:

    Great post. Grimey for the ALL TIME WIN on comments second only to Preck

  10. just a cunt hair away says:

    all hail BN! yep- surrounded by this shit, but i believe people are growing tired/weary of it. really, it’s reserved for high school and college students who know everything about the world and talk to hobos.

    Dog- you’re a moron: “some kind of creationist nutcase”; ever met “some kind of vegan nutcase”, or hindu, or buddhist, etc? doubt you’d ever say that. it’s okay to believe in different things, as long as they’re the right different things, huh? get real and fuck off.

    No Room For Nigger- i feel for you, but really, move outta’ Vancouver.

  11. Baby-son says:

    Theres definitely a little prick involved

  12. J says:

    Best BN post in awhile

  13. tommy gun says:

    hahahahahahahahahaha epic.

  14. Ty says:

    Cafe d’H+

  15. Turd Town says:

    As an ex-New Yorker living in Seattle, I’m surrounded by ridiculous PC faggots, as well as the stupidest goddmamn hippies I ever could’ve imagined. Thanks for this. And that ending… nice!

  16. pussyfoot says:

    the restaurant would have to be in a PC yuppie area, like say Williamsburg, or UWS. if it’s in Chelsea it wouldnt be so shocking. see us gays all have friends who are poz, er i mean AIDS! full blown AIDS at that!!!!!!! so were used to being in casual contact with others who are poz, er have AIDS. so since “AIDS is what gays get”(only gays, no straights). then most of the places in Chelsea would already have employs who had AIDS(not HIV, but full blown AIDS) so yeah, we have already been served by AIDS having gays.

  17. Clayton. says:

    This is really rad. Straight people get AIDS all the time, they’re called ‘prisoners’.

  18. Filthy Lucretius says:

    When I was in college, I had a serious horn for this black chick (though back then she was an African-American woman) who was super-PC and very openly ambivalent about dating me because I am white. Once we got to talking about sports and she asked me to guess which was her favorite professional sport to watch. Gotta love the way she put me in the crosshairs, right? If I say “duh, chocolatelove, it’s basketball,” she’s raking me over the coals for assuming every black chick must love basketball. So of course I went the limpdick PC way and named every other sport I could think of–baseball? football? tennis? golf? (golf? are you fucking kidding me?)–before getting around to “Uhm, basketball, maybe?” And she’s just pissing herself, watching her lameass white boy trying to guess his way around a stereotype. That’s kind of the equivalent of saying, “I don’t get it.” Maybe that’s why she never slept with me.

  19. homeless. says:

    If only people could be more honest with themselves. That is where it starts, and the source of our disease. If everyone started there, shit would be different.

  20. wendel clark says:

    battle of the ego’s.
    You’re exactly the preachy annoying guy you hate. Your just preaching different shit.

  21. JUST A NORMAL GUY (THE ORIGINAL) says:

    WELL PUSSYFOOT I CAN TELL FROM YOU’RE PASSIVE AGRESSIVE AND SARDONIC TONE THAT YOU DO’NT TAKE KNIDLY TO BLOGNIGER’S EXPERIMENT. I CA’NT SAY I BLAME YOU SINSE THIS POST MUST HIT CLOSE TO HOME BUT I HAVE TO POINT OUT THAT YOUR ONLY PROVING THE BLOGNIGERS’ POINT BY RESORTNIG TO TRICKS AND INSENSIRE SENTIMENTS INSTED OF FOCUSING ON YOUR ARGUMNENT AND THE POINT YOU ACTUALY WANT TO MAKE SO NEXT TIME TRY NOT BEING AFRAID OF THE TRUTH – THEIRS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF COMPARED TO WHAT YOUV’E ALREADY BEEN THROUGH BY HAVNIG TO GROW UP IN A MANS WORLD LOL

  22. uhh.. says:

    too long

  23. cuntybaws says:

    I’ve got it!
    Can’t the babysitter suck your dick while you watch the kids?

  24. Dork says:

    PC is their religion. You just can’t reasonably argue with a religious fanatic.

  25. ^^^^ says:

    Normal Guy, you come close, but go overboard with the intentional misspellings and errors. C-. Workshop the character a little more.

  26. Al Anon` says:

    I agree ‘Nigger, I wouldn’t eat at that restaurant, but shit what about Hep C? YOU CAN get that from food prep, how this argument would have played out if Hep C was substituted for HIV…

  27. Ty says:

    Everyone all ordering steaks “well done!” and “no shushi!”

  28. ew says:

    Wait, Kat/dog what the fuck is your argument? How would saving the baby instead of the dog make you a vegan hypocrite? No one routinely eats babies, cept for the ching chong chinks. ( for the record, I’d save the puppy, cuz 1/2 of all babies grow up to be assholes.)

  29. ew says:

    also, i didn’t read this article cuz bn needs to take a course on brevity.

  30. Sir Fagsalot says:

    i wish this nigger would get his own blog

  31. Erik Kolacek says:

    Honestly, you’ve got a fucking pair on you. I used to get pissed off at your writing but lately not so much.

    If you’re ever in SF the beer is on me. Seriously…we’ll hang out with the guy I work for (website enclosed) and get arrested for possession or something. It’ll be fun…it’s only a misdemeanor here.

    Cheers,
    E

  32. Cunty Baws says:

    Blognigger, please write a book so that I can absorb your thoughts for longer than five minutes at a time.

  33. bjbj says:

    im going to start my comment off with some really inane boring shit from my own personal experience ie: a segway about my family or something i or one of my friends once did, because im so starved for attention and interaction with other human beings every comment or blog post i make on the internet has to contain 75% mind-numbingly boring shit about myself.

    now that ive dealt with the pricks – another great article, kudos sir.
    thought you were going to delve off into over-mined ‘larry david’ AIDS / RACE territory, but instead you made it into a thing about people who cant argue properly, which is universal, and timeless.

  34. sarah says:

    my goodness look at what you did there

  35. Flacido Domingo says:

    Sorry, its just not that funny. Offensive I couldn’t possibly care less about which is why your stuff is normally so refreshing, but the half hearted attempt at channeling Joe Pesci in Goodfellas kinda fell flat for me. We get it, your friend is a faggot and your an asshole. How about HIV positive sex workers taking care of the kids? The slope parents can try and out do each other with their pc’ness. It’s cheaper than hiring some Berkley Carroll tween who’s going to bide her time until the kids are asleep so she can ransack your bedroom looking for amphetamines.

  36. seriously now says:

    i’m going to post this – in paper – every single place i walk into in san francisco.

    yeah, i live in san francisco. where basically, every person working in every restaurant probably does have aids.

  37. todd says:

    Jared has aides but we still eat at Subway.

  38. Zippy says:

    So what is the big philosophical debate here? Would I be more comfortable with a healthy person handling my food than someone with an illness? Gee, I’ll have to think on that one…

  39. a4awesome says:

    I don’t think it would work if they had AIDS, they would be too weak to work with all those pills and nausea. You would lose a lot of money on them calling out of work. But if you have a restaurant filled with “poz” people then you have yourself a money making machine with possible franchises in the work.

  40. WELL IF YOUR GOING TO BE A COPY-CATTER PLEASE INCLUDE A LINK TO MY TWITTER SO POEPLE CAN GET AIDS THEIR FROM ME TO, ITS CALLED ‘REACHING AROUND A MAN TO FUCK HIM’ OH WAIT LET ME GUESS YOU ARE’NT GAY SO YOU DO’NT KNOW THIS TERMENOLOGY??

  41. Jesus shit says:

    #1

  42. I Heart You!!! says:

    Fuck Yeah!
    We need to hang out, we could laugh it up and have some good times making fun off all my non-armpit shaving Long Beach implant chick friends who love the city for how “real” it and all of its people are; not like the crazy fake orange county where I live. (let it be known that all of these friends are white kids with wealthy parents who still reside in FUCKING IRVINE)

    I’m glad to hear that you were able to reach up high enough to smack the smugness off of those high-horse hippies.

    ps: no fucking way i would eat at AIDS, you kidding me?

  43. Filthy Lucretius says:

    im going to start my comment off with some really inane boring dig at other posters because im so radically insecure that the only way i can possibly imagine anyone paying attention to what i say is if i put someone else one down first.

    then im going to suck my own dick for a while because im so impressed with my diss of other posters.

    then im going to suck blogniggers dick with some really inane boring praise about how I was worried that I was going to have to diss this article too, but then cheered up when I realized how really cool it really is.

    then ill go back to my boring shit life, and maybe try to lighten up a little.

  44. gsdgf says:

    When he called you a dick he was right.

  45. Filthy Lucretius says:

    Fair enough.

  46. Beef says:

    Good choice on the word, “doodie.”

  47. poopsmear says:

    blognigger is thebestthebestthebestthebestthebestthebest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  48. d-bo says:

    WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?

  49. Ralph malph says:

    That picture ftw

  50. Considerate says:

    i knew mike jack was still alive

  51. Europe ( The Band) says:

    Wow, you’re AGAINST hippies?? Revolutionary. There’s this new show called South Park. They really stick it to the PC baby boomers!

  52. lb says:

    WHATCHOO BE KNOWIN BOUT BETHESDA BLOGNIGGER?

  53. Leather Owl says:

    whats all this about?

  54. Salaids says:

    I wouldnt eat at a restaraunt all staffed by people with cancer even though that’s not contaigous.

    It just depresses me.

  55. Doc McGhee says:

    @filthy

    You should have said her favorite sport was stealing TVs, you totally woulda got laid!

  56. mkf says:

    sometimes i wish i was black so i could write shit like this and get away with it.

  57. sf says:

    In Montreal, there’s this restaurant where the entire staff is blind and you eat in pitch black so you can see what it’s like to be live like them. Some people walk out feeling enlightened. Some people walk out hungry.

    Anyways, maybe you could also inject customers with immunosuppressants and always keep the air conditioning on high to give them the full experience.

  58. brooklynchimp says:

    your writing has been somewhat vapid lately.

    stop tugging at tested material, it’s lame & compromising.

    maybe i just ‘don’t get it.

  59. Anonymous says:

    Perhaps your the people you had dinner with wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. They’d rather assume they misunderstood your hateful, hypothetical proposal than call you out on it right away.

    You assume “I don’t understand” is feigned ignorance, when really, it’s just a statement of truth.

    I don’t understand why you’re so upset by the fact that other people strive for compassion and understanding.
    I bet your “friend” didn’t either.

  60. Anonymous says:

    That restaurant had better have a pretty lenient sick-day policy. Also if they don’t have health insurance they need to be ready for some serious staffing churn.


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