Quitting is something we don’t tolerate here. Every time one of our employees quits, we get into a time machine, travel back to ten minutes before they quit and fire their asses.
Quitting is something we don’t tolerate here. Every time one of our employees quits, we get into a time machine, travel back to ten minutes before they quit and fire their asses. It isn’t something we enjoy doing and operating a time machine is really fucking expensive, so we try to prevent this from happening by keeping our writers in line. And unfortunately, it’s time for some discipline.
Secret Probation: Jim Goad, Nick Diamonds
Jim, we know you had a brain tumor AND a baby this year but that’s not our problem. We’ve seen your tweets so we know you’re alive. Get back in the game or get in our Bad Books. Nick, WTF? I know commentators hurt your feelers but have you seen their posts?
Double Secret Probation: David Cross, Yoda, Sharky, Anne Margreet Honing, Jessica Delfino, Alex Hughes
Two posts in eleven months? What the fuck? We didn’t want to do this, but to prove we’re serious about this, you’ve been stricken from the Aboot page ’til further notice.
Super Duper Secret Probation: Kim Taylor Bennett, Yoda, Sam Metteer
Do you people even work here anymore? You know, you can’t keep from getting fired by just not showing up at work. You are all fired for quitting.
Whew, that was rough. Now on to more pleasant business: you may have noticed posts going up from weird people you’ve never heard of. These people are the opposite of fired. Our new contributors are officially known as…
Drew sent us a message about contributing and has been dishing out advice on how to be/not be a skank ever since. Send her your own sexual queries at the email address below.
Val has been compiling 12 Neat Pics for awhile and pretty much showed us her tits. She’s a valuable asset here at Street Carnage and we don’t know what we’d do without her.
website: LIKE WHOA!
Arv is a saboteur sent to bring Street Carnage to its knees (literally and figuratively). He writes posts, edits the blog, and shoots Street Boners. We’re having INS look into where he came from.
website: Rough Draught
Peter is an airline brat who skateboards and speaks Spanish like a redneck, primarily because he lives in the Hispanic boonies (i.e. Bushwick). He likes asking people about their dicks, tricks, etc.
Vincent shoots tons of Street Boners and lives in China or Japan or some shit. Some place with tons of boners.
If you’d like to become one of us (one of us, one of us, one of us) let’s start slow with a Dear Street Carnage letter or a Street Boner submission and then graduate to Open Mic (we’re about to hire this chick) before we fully let you in. It’s hard for us to say goodbye so we don’t want to say hello until we know you’ll be with us forever. It’s like when someone builds a brick wall around themselves to keep out the pain, the fear and the hurt.
Contact is possible via the contact button under the logo.