Posted by
SBTVC
• 06.21.11 09:00 am


How is this even real life? This dude must have the craziest P.R. agent in the world to pull off scoring an actual book deal.

How is this even real life? This dude must have the craziest P.R. agent in the world to pull off scoring an actual book deal. It even says “of The Black Eyed Peas” on the cover because dude has negative zero facial recognition points.

Imagine working for this publisher and they’re like, “Hey Steve, can you hop in on this Taboo autobiography call real quick?”

How fucking bummed is that dude? He had to spend non-refundable hours of his actual life listening to fucking Taboo talk about his “multi-racial” upbringing. The first chapter probably starts off like, “It was really rough growing up as a Native Asian-Mexican kid blah blah blah boom boom pow….”

After it was written, the marketing department was like, “We’re gonna play the addiction card on the book jacket,” as if THAT was what had people on the fence before buying this shit. I mean the book cover alone just screams that this book is sold exclusively to kids who are sent to At Risk Youth facilities.

Without reading more than the allotted preview available on Amazon, I will attempt to summarize this book for any would be buyers (i.e. prepubescent Asian girls who are allowed to pick their “own” book out as a reward for getting an A++ on their last geography test).

Key points in the life of Taboo (the Native Asian-Mexican looking dude who apparently is in The Black Eyed Peas):

  • I started break-dancing.
  • I found my first pair of weird ass boots.
  • I met two other dudes and we started rapping and kissing each other’s penises.
  • We found some meth head named Fergie to sing hooks.
  • We got paid for life.
  • People still don’t know who I am.

Boom!

That’s the whole book, more or less.

-SKIP

Send “Dear Street Carnage” letters to SBTVC@StreetCarnage.com.


Comments
  1. Stinky Pete McClaskin says:

    You didn’t mention the part where he talks about the dark days of his $100-a-month coke habit. For real.

  2. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or Something says:

    Huh? Either you’re retarded or this is some kind of troll. This dude is in one of the most famous groups in the world, why wouldn’t some shitty publisher want to make a few quick bucks off their fans?

  3. homeless says:

    great review on the book you didnt read…twat

  4. More shooting fish in a barrel? C’mon, aim higher.

  5. newnumberorder says:

    Why don’t will.i.am and Fergie kick him and the other guy out from the band? it’s not like anyone gives a shit about them.

  6. skull front says:

    how long has taboo been with steve? so sweet.
    i got that boom boom boom

  7. Brock Samson says:

    @Chapter After – I was thinking the same thing. I’ve heard this joke recycled and done better several times.

  8. Zippy says:

    Native Asian-Mexican???? What the hell is that? Like my “pure bred mongrel” dog?

    I loved the Black Eyed Peas performance at the Super Bowl. Especially the part where Jim Rome gave them props the following day on his radio show because “It’s obvious that they weren’t lip-synching”. HAHAHAHAHA

  9. tttttt says:

    i really would like to read it. man, it’s like, another fucking dimension

  10. joey says:

    that dude makes me want to bite little kids fingers off.

  11. ethnic fairy says:

    God so fuckin embarassing but i totally masturbated to that guy in 2003.
    I was in a weird place.

  12. muscles says:

    haa

  13. Katrick Pay says:

    This dude sees more pussy and money in a year than I will in ten lifetimes. And you know what? That’s fine.

  14. Smashcan says:

    so 2000 and late.

  15. Crack King says:

    You read the book? loser.

  16. tom dunon says:

    this writer is funny. get him to do more.

  17. damn says:

    who knew this fuck was a man of letters, steve dennis that is.

  18. Soo' Chest says:

    i think he just opened a shoe store in soho

  19. wallspro says:

    Why can nobody in the black eyed peas just stand and smile for a picture. Seriously. Just stand like a regular person for fucking once.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=black%20eyed%20peas&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1280&bih=661

  20. chRon says:

    Does anyone remember when the Black Eyed Peas were an actual hip hop group with thoughtful lyrics and smooth Pete-Rock-Esque beats? Joints & Jams for all you clueless cunts who were born in the ’90s.

  21. ds says:

    ^ WHO THE FUCK CARES,U FAG,THEY SUCKED THEN TOO


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