So I went to see the Antwoord last week in at the Melkweg in Amsterdam, which was awesome, but the intro act they booked was infuriatingly awful.
So I went to see the Antwoord last week in at the Melkweg in Amsterdam, which was awesome, but the intro act they booked was infuriatingly awful. After an hour and a half of waiting for the Ninja to appear, an ugly couple of 30-somethings bounced onto the stage dressed like they had time-warped out of shitty party in 2002, wearing trucker hats and giant bling dollar signs that looked like they had been printed out and glued to cardboard. The only decent thing about their look was their boombox that sat languishing at the back of the stage, which is a shame, really, because these assholes don’t deserve to own it.
Anyway, they came out to a hall of South Africans and Amsterdammers, didn’t mention Amsterdam or South Africa, and instead started repping their home village of Tilburg in Brabant (the Missouri of the Netherlands) and giving shout-outs to Rotterdam (Amsterdam’s arch-nemesis). Then some Lego shades of primary colors started blinking at epilepsy frequencies on the screens behind them and they pressed the play button on their Macbook, which triggered a horrible series of sounds along with which they started singing:
“Hey! There’s a party at my friend’s house! Tonight! You’re all invited!” x18
That was “Party 2Nite,” which they followed up with other garbage like “Gunz R Stupid,” “Thiz Partyz Hot” and “Do Tha Robot.” The girl was jumping around but spent most of the time doing the running man. The guy didn’t really move around much, but occasionally to dazzle the crowd he busted out his only dance move: a mildly high front kick. Oh, and did I mention that they’re ugly?
Nobody was having fun, and even the burnout 45-year-old hippy who goes to literally every show at that place and dances 1992 gabber-style nonstop right next to the stage stopped dancing after a few songs. The crowd starting getting violently angry because they had been on for more than 20 minutes. People started booing them, yelling “FOK JULLIE” and throwing garbage at them. Their response was to throw the garbage back at the crowd, and then start singing a song called “Coxucker”:
“Fuck you! (Fuck you!)
I’m gonna fuck you hard with my cock in your face!
Fuck you! (Fuck you!)” etc.
They followed this with a song about how much they love to suck dick (“Swallow It”).
They were finally booed off/ran out of shitty music at around the 40-minute mark. The crowd had run out of garbage (we would have brought barrels full of rotten fruit if they only had taken the trouble to warn us) and was yelling horrible things at them, but couldn’t even curse them by name since they never even introduced themselves. When I went out to take a piss in the lobby, I saw a table selling shirts. They were sold out of Die Antwoord shirts, but they still had ones with pictures of a boombox and the word Darker.
This “band” [their quotes, not mine] started in 2009 as a creative outlet for the post-teenage angst and frustrations of life of Donnie Darker and Evil-ien. Originally intended to be a one-man band, the both decided to forgo the logistical nightmare of having one guy carrying all the equipment and end up being alone in that dressing room with too much food and drinks. -Darker’s website
Their slogan is “Darker is the New Black,” which I’m going to interpret as “Darker is going to be marginalized by Western society for hundreds of years.”
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