Posted by
• 01.26.12 06:00 am

Dear Street Carnage:
You know how you can be completely attracted to somebody but one tiny little thing is a deal-breaker?

We’re guessing “Sebastian.”


Dear Street Carnage:
You know how you can be completely attracted to somebody but one tiny little thing is a deal-breaker?

I’m not talking about the obvious things like bad face, no dick, no money, no muscles. I mean, they’re all deal-breakers, but I have this weird thing about names. If I don’t like the guy’s name, I don’t care if he looks like Johnny Depp, has bank like Donald Trump, and has a dick that needs its own chauffeur. If a guy has any of the following names, I won’t fuck him:


Is that weird? Lemme know.


Dear Stacey:

It’s not weird at all. For example, we’d never fuck a girl named Stacey.

  1. A says:

    No one wants to fuck Stacey anyways, when it’s always been about her mom.

  2. Thadd says:

    Yeah, I heard she’s got it going on.

  3. Manolo says:

    I’ve only met one Kent besides my dad, he was a twerp named after my swaggin’ dad who delivered him in an emergency.

  4. kure kure takora says:

    Phew, thank you Lord, I’m not on Stacey’s arbitrary list of deal breaking names!

  5. Mr.Cordero says:

    girls named stacey play softball

  6. pogi says:


  7. donkey says:

    names scott logan and i live on kent

  8. Miles says:

    Sweet fountains of wayne reference, bro

  9. onyx blackman says:

    “I don’t care if he looks like Johnny Depp…”
    sorry, but i call bullshit on girls who think johnny depp is hot.
    the guy dresses like russell brand if he considered himself “worldly” and “profound”
    if some non-rich, non-famous dude with a fuckin fedora, 4ft long wallet chain and a silk scarf came up to you at a bar you would not fuck him- i guarantee you.

  10. chester says:

    I’ve fucked a girl named Stacey.


  11. Todd says:

    This is stupid.

  12. Tool says:

    I’m a straight dude and I think I’d bed down with Johnny Depp, Mr. Blackman.

  13. Chunk says:

    Stacey, Tammy, Brittney, Carly…All bad.

  14. space island says:

    johnny depp blows.
    stacey is an early 90s dyke name.

  15. Wtf says:

    Stacey, stop acting like a stupid cunt.

    Oh, you were being serious…. The name is a deal breaker? Then you are a stupid cunt. Have fun knowing that there was a Brent who was stupid enough to treat like gold. Instead you’ll fuck hipster occupy kids for the next three years, and up with a bastard kid that the dad doesn’t give a shit about.

    That’s gonna be awesome.

  16. chris says:

    Nice to know I made the cut.

  17. lobes says:

    who remembers names any way ?

  18. A says:

    Also this is why Nicknames exist. I cannot call a girl I fuck Kayla. it’s what I helped name my baby sister. But I will find nickname for her that sticks.

  19. Anonymous says:

    What about the name Blake? Blake is the gayest name ever. With the exception of Wesley.

  20. Goldberg says:

    Same thing with names except my list consists family names. Stacy you are good. Not a single Stacy in this tree.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Name one famous Todd that isn’t disgusting. I’ve yet to meet a Todd that didn’t skeeve me out.

  22. Wtf says:

    Hey post right above me,

    Todd from beavis and butthead. BOOM!

  23. Dick Smuggler says:

    Stacey, yes. Stacy, no. I only fuck people by not only their names, but spelling too.

  24. Collin Bullshit says:

    Please add ‘Kenny’ to that list. Thank you. (wow… female dbag.)

  25. booty says:

    stacey is a bitch. Names aren’t deal breakers, cats are.

    I met a cute Scott last night.

  26. blah says:

    Who cares about names? Call them all “Sweetie” or something. This will avoid some awkward situations.

    This fluff piece reminds me of a time I was trying to pick up a hot girl at 2:30AM in Chicago. We talked for a while across a table and she wasn’t giving me any indication of interest (I thought she might be a hot lesbian). There was a long pause and she sneered at me: “What was your name again?” I told her, and she replied: “Hmm, I’ve never fucked a before.” I stood up, moved over and sat down next to her, moving my hand under the table on to her inner thigh. She didn’t even flinch as we kept talking about random stuff. Needless to say, she later crossed my name off.

  27. Scott says:

    I can’t believe I made it this far in life before finding out my common-ass name was considered a dealbreaker. Stacey, I just want you to know that I really, really liked you.

  28. pony says:

    Aw horseshit

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