Is there anyone who wouldn’t jump at the chance to beat Fred Armisen to death with a couple of their buds? There’s just something about the smug prick that fills me with hate every time I see him. Kicking and punching his face till it looked even more hideous and deformed than it already does sounds like a great way to spend a Friday night with a few pals. For some reason, the writers over at New Girl don’t agree.
I want to make it very clear that I’m not a fan or regular viewer of the show. My girlfriend (and roommate) is however and has been watching reruns of it like crazy the past few weeks. As a result, I’ve caught bits and pieces. From what I’ve seen, Armisen doesn’t play a regular character on the show. I think he’s a zany neighbor or something and only appears from time to time, but when he does he’s as insufferable and Fred Armiseny as possible. Thankfully, the writers and I think Armisen himself understand what an annoying human being he is and have made all the guys on the show hate his guts. But once they were given an opportunity to beat the ever-living shit out of him, they just said “Eh, no thanks.”
I understand it’s national television and they can’t really show someone getting beaten to death, especially when it’s a man wearing a dress. Throwing a few punches and kicking some asshole out of the house should be permissible, though. That’s what a guy should do when someone breaks into his female roommate’s room and starts trying on all her dresses. But the fucking pussies on New Girl don’t do shit. They actually help him choose what to wear after finding him. They are bummed to do it but that doesn’t make it any better. If I came home to Fred Armisen trying on dresses in my apartment, my eyes would light up as I smashed his skull to smithereens with a Louisville slugger.
I know New Girl is a show for chicks and women aren’t too keen on extreme violence but maybe they could expand their viewership, if they included a little physical comedy. I know I’d tune in, if every episode ended with Fred Armisen falling out of a fucking window or getting hitting by a dump truck.