Posted by
Street Carnage
• 09.29.15 10:01 am


I live in a nice, albeit overpriced, apartment complex relatively close to the beach in Southern California. I’m thirty, recently engaged, work a desk job, and I am a hard working American, building a better life for my soon to be family and me. In May, as I was diligently apartment hunting, there were certain necessities we wanted to have- a close proximity to the beach, a centralized location for our commute, quiet, close to a whole foods, and pet friendly as we are getting a puppy.

The puppy is a big deal for us, a precursor to our first child. We wanted a place that does not allow aggressive breeds, i.e. pit bulls. Some people may like pit bulls but I don’t. Not only do I think they are ugly and that they have a bad track record, I was attacked by one in my younger days. I was skateboarding home, minding my own business and the dog escaped from its owner chased me down, knocked me off of my board, and bit my leg. I kicked the dog in the throat and the owner apologized. I told my parents but we never pursued any sort of action although these days I would make sure that dog was put down. Recently, a man moved into our complex with not one but two pit bulls and I immediately contacted the leasing office. I do not live in a “snitches get stitches” society but believe in a “see something, say something world”. I follow the rules and would like to live in a safe and comfortable place. I was told he said they were “service dogs” and per the American Disabilities act we are at his mercy. BULLSHIT. Fucking live somewhere else.

This is what the liberals have made America. If Bush were president Ahmed and his cocksucker dad would be on a one-way trip to Cuba to be waterboarded, as they should be. Ahmed shouldn’t be paraded around and celebrated. SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. This is still a post 9/11 world, we were attacked by these people, they should be profiled. Just as I can chose to profile pit bulls, I was attacked and they put me on edge. We tell kids not to talk to strangers, it’s called being smart and cautious not some sort of –ist or –ism or –phobia. Terrorism is real and we have seen its horrors because of Muslims. NEVER FORGET.


  1. Coach says:

    A puppy is not practice for raising a child. Holy shit! How the fuck to numbskulls get this notion?

  2. nacirema says:

    This was a good one. You almost had me.

  3. Butler's Revenge says:

    I hope Ahmed goes to the White House. I want to see a nice big photo on the front page of every newspaper of Obama and that kid next to his stupid hoax clock so the world can see what a fool Obama was for getting involved. I want video interviews of Obama asking Ahmed about which kind of screws he used to hold it in the box while Obama does his best to look impressed.

  4. Commas Are My Friend says:

    I hope your office job involves a cascading complex of numbers upon numbers with little to no required communication beyond: “Done”. When I have to re-read your shit 3 times whilst mentally correcting the sentence as I go for round 4, you can’t write for shit. FOR. SHIT. SIR.

    PS: Bin Laden for President 2016

  5. frank says:

    If you don’t live on over an acre of land and have dogs, I will murder your dogs. If you have a puppy you keep in an apartment complex or a town house, I will snap its neck with my knee.

  6. hey says:

    The subtext: a black person moved into this guy’s rich white apartment complex.

  7. Joey Batts says:

    Profile away, just don’t coup up a dog in an apartment building you idiot. Or move into the country, so you can have less complaining to do.

  8. Coach says:

    Did I just get burned?

    Wouldn’t be the first time…

  9. raymi says:

    you whine a lot

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