Posted by
Jessica Delfino
• 12.04.12 11:00 am



I don’t use tampons, because I prefer to keep the chemicals and bleach on the outside of ma ‘gine.

So instead, I use them to make holiday tampon ornaments. I currently make two flavors: Christmas Tree ornaments and Star of David ornaments.

Many people seem to dig the tampon ornaments, but hey, they’re not for everyone:

So instead, I use them to make holiday tampon ornaments. I currently make two flavors: Christmas Tree ornaments and Star of David ornaments.

Many people seem to dig the tampon ornaments, but hey, they’re not for everyone:

Some people have no fucking sense of humor.

Regardless of what poor old poopy-pants Paula thinks, they are currently up on my Etsy store, for her to furrow her brow over.

STAR OF DAVID TAMPON

XMAS TREE TAMPON

They make great gifts for all your most weirdo-est friends and family members, including: people who just don’t give a fuck, ex-cons, staunch feminists and granny (the drunk one on your dad’s side). I heard they’re getting listed in Heeb as a must-have item, and when I posted them I immediately sold 5, so I have a feeling these bitches are gonna go like urinal cakes this year. (Speaking of which, don’t eat urinal cakes. It’s disgusting. It tastes like homeless old-man coke-head pee.)

That’s why tonight I’ll be doing this:

and this:

and maybe a little bit of this:

probably none of this:

but if I get tired, maybe a teeny tiny bit of this:

 

—JESSICA DELFINO

 


Comments
  1. raymi says:

    Festive as fuuuck.

  2. Jewish Historian says:

    Paula Shore finds the tampon ornament offensive, but Pauly Shore wears them openly as a medallion during Channukah AND the High Holy days. He even told Joan Rivers to stick one up her tuchus when she objected!!! That Pauly is a modernist, he is. Our culture is very rich. Yoi!

  3. Hey hey hey! What’s this? Star of David tampon but no star and crescent? Oy vey.

  4. Double says:

    Crack is very festive and in fashion this holiday season. Any old jackass can get hep from sharing a coke straw, but only true Christmas enthusiasts can enjoy a little rock like Arkansas.

  5. tw says:

    40 proof Apple Pie “moonshine,” in a mason jar, with a label. Well, if the point of the piece was to amuse – mission accomplished.

    One of y’all cant figure out how to get turkeys out of his yard (hint – with a fucking gun)another is paying in excess of $25 for shitty liqour just ’cause it says moonshine on the lable and is bottled in a mason jar.

    Quality humor, you urbanites kill me.

  6. JDel says:

    My dad bought the Moonshine as a gift for us onThanksgiving. He has worked harder than anyone I know building his own business over the last 25 years. Now he’s kinda old and has a little cheddar to blow. So I fig if he wants to buy overpriced booze, Bobby Brown, my friend. Bobby Brown. (That’s his prerogative)

  7. tw says:

    Fair enough JDel, congrats to the old man on the success and enjoy the holidays. If you’re ever do any clubs in moonshine country have bartender/waitress/bouncer/owner get you a quart. George Jones, my friend. George Jones. (White Lightening).

    Well a city slicker came and he said
    Im tough i think i wanna taste that
    Powerfull stuff he took one swift slug
    And he drank it right down and i
    Heard him moaning as he hit the ground
    Mighty mighty pleasin’your pappys corn squezin’
    Ooooooo “WHITE LIGHTNING”

  8. If you think $25 is a lot for a bottle of alcohol, you are a fucking moron.

  9. Chapter After says:

    The only moonshines I’ve ever tried were clear as gin (thicker). I’m skeptical of this brown stuff, tho, lo, I would partake. Yessir.

  10. TomSawyer says:

    @JDel He didn’t build that!


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