Posted by
HJ Fountain
• 12.28.15 12:23 pm

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Hoity-toity film critics have long slimed the great, epic, wonderful, Forrest Gump, as nothing but a bit of ‘90s agitprop to slam liberals. Well, maybe it is. After all, it is the story of a retard who achieves the American Dream simply by existing. And the story of an American woman that ends in quite the opposite manner.

Forrest is, indeed, good. His childhood is defined by leg-braces, loneliness, discrimination, but ultimately a racy, retard-on-hot-Robin Wright (Jenny)-love affair. (I use the word, “affair,” loosely, I mean, she sorta gets him off in her dorm room, but it’s like a pity ejaculation).

Anyways, Forrest goes on to influence every aspect of American life for the next forty years: He fights in Vietnam, he inspires John Lennon, he creates Watergate, and he unknowingly invests in Apple. He also runs for an extensive sequence that sorta slows the movie down. This is all to his advantage.

On the other hand, Jenny—his one and only love—poses nude for a magazine, gets kicked out of college, travels the country, joins SDS, experiments with drugs, and at the end of her rope, returns to Alabama to have sex with a retard and create a child before dying of AIDS.

There is a sort of conservative message there: Hippies that do needle drugs and whore themselves die: Good retards that follow rules and stay clean become millionaires.

Yeah, the movie is a little one-sided and lacking of nuance, but it’s also about a man possessing an I.Q. under 75. It’s also fun and entertaining, and I don’t give a shit that it doesn’t dwell in the political underbrush of things and events that it seems to skim over.

No, It doesn’t address racism, or sexism, or whatever other -isms we tend to invent on a daily basis, but who cares? Can’t we just sit back and enjoy funny dialog and bask in some nostalgia?

Just watch the movie without your political baggage. It’s fun. Try it.

-H.J. FOUNTAIN


Comments
  1. Ben says:

    It’s a gigantic, steaming pile of shit but I gotta say that there’s nothing funnier/disturbing than an actor acting like a mentally challenged in front of a camera.
    Actors are so fucked up in the head it’s insane, man.
    “Good retards that follow rules and stay clean become millionaires.”
    Or soldiers. Or cops. Or even president of the United States!

  2. CommonSense vs I.Q. says:

    Sweet allegory of old wisdom.
    Using a tard to deliver that message, in a humorous way, works in disarming critics who are too busy laughing and can’t out caricature the caricature.
    In the end, in a visceral way, the simple, plain, good-hearted CommonSense, cloaked in an idiot savant, triumphs over a sophisticated world seeking to reinvent the wheel at every turn.
    Most real life retards I’ve known, or met, seem to retain that innocence and joy. I think it’s called humility, which is another way of saying-an honest way of seeing things.
    Compare this fictional dunces emotional maturity with the SJW and you understand why a higher education w/o common sense is dangerous.
    These emotional retards are the real idiots.

  3. retardese says:

    The notion that down-home country simpletons are more inherently virtuous than anyone w/ enough IQ & sack to move to town, was an old left-populist meme before the 50s. The big-city Communists loved to prop this agit-shit. Conservatives e.g. Bob Taft were routinely out-voted by these dependent hicks on their failing, fucked-up farms. Luckily today, only international conglomerates do farming using illegal slave labor.

  4. Grapes of Wrath says:

    @retardese3:23
    The Marxists have always been sneaky in that way. The ass-kissing, emotional appeal of being for the little, down-trodden, common man works over and over again with each successive generation of dupes who think the cosmos owes them an existence.
    Funny how the Capitalists, who brought us Madison Avenue, have never been able to message something sexier than lower taxes and smaller government.
    There’s still a residual domestic farmers voting bloc who fuck the DC whores for them subsidies and the ethanol scam, while we suck the shitty gas and indirect taxes.
    As far as Agricultural illegals go: We need to turn them into the 2nd coming of obsolete farm equipment with automated lettuce & tomato, etc. picking. This time though, they go home, unlike the previous cotton picking pack who couldn’t swim.

  5. spotarama says:

    i’m glad to say i’ve never seen this movie, after all, anything that that many americans take to their hearts can’t be good, can it?
    on the other hand, i have seen Motorhead a few times and Lemmy’s just died so how about a minutes quiet contemplation and refelction on a truly wonderful mis-spent life and then a few hours of proper drinking and drugs
    “life’s like a box of chocolates” – my fucking arse – life’s a bottle of cheap vodka and a bag of proper trucker speed
    Rest In Noise – Lemmy 1945 – 2015

  6. Josh says:

    Always liked Forrest Gump. It entertained me while I sat on the couch.

  7. Never Trust a Hippy.... says:

    Hey, Jenny travelled, partied hard, she fucked and THEN she died. It would be sadder if she was a 70 year old flower girl listening to Joan Baez still mourning Joe Hill.


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