Posted by
Lacto-Ovo-Vegetarian Linus
• 02.17.12 01:00 am

Even though I seriously contemplated killing myself recently for eating a hamburger, I honestly and sincerely believe that God, who is probably a hermaphrodite but also possibly entirely female and has a clit the size of a baseball, spared me so I can continue calling for the live ritual murder and disembowelment of anyone who thinks it’s “cute” or “cool” or “hip” or “snarky” to eat meat.

I have news for you: It isn’t.

Six million entirely innocent cows were murdered in the making of this photograph.

I don’t know why I have to keep telling you this. It’s probably because you’re stupid. And evil. And selfish. And a serial killer. And a big A-hole on top of all that to boot.

But God(dess) has news for you, too, Mein Liebchen: There’s a little thing called “karma.” And if, by your actions, you endorse the mass herding, stun-gunning, murder, and oral consumption of cows, then karma will bite you as hard as some stupid asshole in Vegas recently bit into a burger called the “Triple Bypass” at a place called the Heart Attack Grill—AND THEN HAD A HEART ATTACK!


I laugh at your suffering, you animal-murderer. Now you know how it feels to be a cow. It doesn’t feel good, does it?

The Heart Attack Grill also offers menu items such as “Butterfat Shakes” and “Flatliner Fries,” all of them intended to be “jokes” that aren’t funny at all because they’re based upon a Holocaust of cow carcasses.

I hope everyone who eats there dies instantly. Seriously. Then maybe they’ll learn something about a little thing I like to call “empathy.”


P.S. I’m now in my seventeenth year of art school. Here’s a little something I recently drummed up:

  1. ¥ says:

    U R $00 m3^N [.] sTilL *+*+<3+*+* U d0e


  2. Manolo says:

    It drives me up the wall when people call other genocides a “holocaust.” not because the heebs take precedence for that term or anything but rather because it means “burned totally.”
    So unless the cows are systematically murdered then burnt to dust it does not qualify.
    Had this stuck in my craw since people talked about the African holocaust ages ago.

  3. Guinness says:

    My god.

    Look at all those fucking PICKLES.

  4. busted says:

    I guess they’ll never have problems being accused of false advertising. Fat, gluttonous Americans are part of the reason this planet is going straight to hell in a hand basket. I think I like Lacto Ovo Linus

  5. Google says:

    @Manolo Not necessarily burned totally, also a burnt offering/sacrifice which could apply for a burger. Clean out your own craw.

  6. Drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something says:

    Are you guys retarded?

  7. nacirema says:

    That burger looked AWESOME!

  8. ONLYMERK! says:

    Jesus Christ my blog sucks. Please stop allowing me to use your blog to link to mine for free. It’s not like it’s helped much, anyway. I’ve been on Blogger for five fucking years and have only 794 profile views. I’m a failure as a writer. Someone please tell me to stop writing. Sincerely yours.

  9. Fish-on-Fridays Freddie says:

    That’s some of the best vegetarian artwork I’ve ever seen. Your mother must be proud, Linus.

  10. French Fry Felipe says:

    People who eat meat should be shoved into meat grinders and fed to cows. Then, and only then, will justice be achieved—at least in my head.

  11. inquiring mindz says:

    “Whales are afforded rights under the US Constitution!” – some like-minded hippy

  12. Meat-Eater says:

    Fuck you LACTO-OVO-VEGETARIAN LINUS. I’m sure that our ancestors ate nothing but that shit. Whatever. It’s not the meat that killed that fat shit, it was the bread with it’s shitty quality protein aka GLUTEN. It was the insulin resistance and oxidation damage caused to his arteries thanks to the high carbs, dairy and all the bullshit chemicals in the sauces. The meat is the healthiest part of that meal. Go eat a tofu dick.

  13. tod says:

    I have news for you: I EAT MEAT BECAUSE IT TASTES GOOD

    I have news more for you: Who anyone who thinks it’s “cute” or “cool” or “hip” or “snarky” to eat meat is also an asshole, its not cool to eat.

  14. Your mom says:

    The only thing that would make a near-rare, bloody, delicious burger better would be ass sex with your mother in front of the cow before hand-slaughtering the dumb animal with my grandad’s straight razor. Now fucking die vegetarian scum.

  15. Ned Bundy says:

    Every got damn time I read a close-minded self righteous vegan rant, I eat two animals.

    Mmmmmmmurder is delicious.

  16. Lacto-Ovo-Vegetarian Linus says:

    To all the meat-eaters and animal-haters who display their animal-hatred by eating meat:

    I will be there on the day your colon falls out of your ass, laughing at your pain and bleeding.

    VOTE VEGAN 2012!

  17. blaahus poopus says:

    It seems like this argument is being fought by those who wouldn’t touch meat with their worst enemy’s tongue, and those who eat whole cows for breakfast. What about those of us who eat meat two or three times a week, huh? Is our colon going to fall out our collective ass too? HUH?

  18. booty says:

    lol Ned Bundy … I’m with you. let’s eat bbq ribs together baby

  19. cain says:

    farm animals eat humans

  20. antoj says:

    meat is fuckin tasty. idgaf about yall faggot vegans

  21. Administrator says:

    Animals don’t give fuck about who you are or what you are wild carnivorous beasts will carve your ass to bare minimals and feed all the while your still alive.

  22. 50m30n3 says:

    Stupid idiot calling for murder of meat eating humans. How retarded are you? May YOU burn in hell for even thinking about this. And you will, I am sure. You are ONE selfish bastard thinking he is the shit.

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