Posted by
Street Carnage
• 04.28.17 12:00 pm

Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 8.38.20 AM

Getting a divorce has got to be one of the most selfish moves a parent can make. No matter what’s happened between a couple they should be able to suck it up and stay together, for the kid’s sake. Children need a stable household when growing up in order to not be fucked in the head. Splitting that up because two people don’t love each other anymore is just lazy and cruel. But it can’t be all too great for a kid to grow up with two parents who don’t love each other, right? Gavin explains in his article.

  1. A Non OogaBooga says:

    Here’s hoping you work it out Gavin. 🍻
    I’ll add to your list of marriage no-no’s another one right here in the comments section.
    Porn ain’t the only internet addiction that wrecks marriages. No-life losers trolling non-stop in the comments section have no love life either – just ask OogaBooga. Can you picture a wife lying in bed at 3AM all by her lonesome while her huspand is trolling away every night. That picture doesn’t exist because no woman will put up with that infantile behavior for long.
    Or can you imagine what she’d think if she inspected his stupid little hobby and read the garbage he spends so much time on, and the imbecilic handles he calls himself by – “OogaBooga and the Cock Muppets.”

  2. The Real Ooga Booga says:

    Relationship troubles is just so darn sad. That’s why, when me and Mrs. Booga start getting sideways, we sit on the sofa with a hot beverage and look into each other’s eyes and sing this little song of determined and committed love. gather your little monkey and get that duet going!
    Love, Love will keep us together
    Think of me babe whenever
    Some sweet talkin’ girl comes along singin’ his song
    Don’t mess around
    You just got to be strong
    Just Stop, ’cause I really love You
    Stop, I’ll be thinking of you
    Look in my heart and let love keep us together
    You, you belong to me now
    Ain’t gonna set you free now
    When those girls start hanging around talking me down
    Hear with your heart and you won’t hear a sound
    Just Stop, ’cause I really love you
    Stop, I’ll be thinkin’ of you
    Look in my heart and let love
    Keep us together, whatever
    Young and beautiful
    Someday your looks will be gone
    When the others turn you off
    Who’ll be turnin’ you on
    I will, I will, I will,
    I will, be there to share forever
    Love will keep us together

  3. The Real Mrs. OogaBooga says:

    I met my husband Mr. OogaBooga in an adult book store. No I didn’t meet him at the glory hole since I’m not that kind of sex doll. I was a brand new virgin still in package inflatable love doll purchased off shelf. Ours was an arranged marriage brokered by Visa. My horney Oogie carried me across the threshold in a bag along with some bottles of dick lubin he purchased for the wedding night at 3 AM. It was hard on at first sight for my no-life loser hubby, and I must say my feelings grew as he pumped me up with air. His deflated ego crushed his whole life by his lack of success with real women was suddenly inflated at the sight of my silicone fakeness. At last he had found the perfect relationship he could actually handle other than my tendency to slip and slide off the mattress. Because of my being non-judgemental, as well as unconscious, he could finally be unselfconscious about his little pecker that had always shamed him even through the anonymonity of adult book store video booth glory holes. For once he could be sure it was a female that was sucking him off behind that wall even if I am a plastic woman. He’s still a no-life loser who is up at all hours playing on Street Carnage, but I don’t mind since I don’t have a mind.

  4. OogaBooga's Cock Muppets says:

    We’re lucky to be OogaBooga’s Cock Muppets, since if he divorces his inflatable love doll, that will give him more time to play with us at 3AM, rather than plow the latex. Being figments of his imagination, we can’t suffer the breakup of a real marriage, since we’re fake, and so is the very idea of OogaBooga having a real relationship with anything other than his hands covered with dick lubin.
    When normal people are asleep, our dad is busy playing with his Cock Muppets. That quality time, and oh so much quantity, beats having real parents and being a real boy.

  5. Yicky says:

    Jizzus it sho is sticky around here.

  6. Frankfurt says:

    No he didn’t you nutjob. The story defies any sane interpretation of a conspiracy. Silly kid brings fucking deboxed circuit boards to school. Mouthbreathing government employee morons freak out because they’re too stupid to even know what a circuit board is. Crazy media and skeezy father take advantage of developments. Got it? That’s the narrative.
    I brought DIY tasers and shit to school around that age.. Hook a 555 oscillator to a transformer and a couple 9v batteries. Dare friends to touch the terminals and laugh hysterically as we successively fall down in writhing pain. I did stupid shit with jars of homebrew napalm in the woods behind the school with some friends. Another fun thing: Duct tape the button on a can of wd40 down, light the spray, throw it, and watch the fireball after a minute when the can often bursts. Great fun.. I’d apparently be in camp x-ray if I did that stuff today. At the time nobody gave a shit. None of this is advanced techno nerdery and the question of technological sophistication doesn’t come into it

  7. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or Something says:

    lucky to have awakened from coma after 3 weeks. unlucky that it was St Patrick’s Day. ICU stank of cabbage. staff was wearing sick green. suffered ultra-vivid hallucinatory abuses from water-denying leprechauns.

  8. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    Whaddya think, Henny Youngman?…

  9. Asshole says:

    Did I ever tell you about the man
    who taught his asshole to talk?

    His whole abdomen would move up and down,
    you dig, farting out the words.

    It was unlike anything I ever heard.

    Bubbly, thick, stagnant sound.

    A sound you could smell.

    This man worked for the carnival,you dig?

    And to start with it was
    like a novelty ventriloquist act.

    After a while,
    the ass started talking on its own.

    He would go in
    without anything prepared…

    and his ass would ad-lib
    and toss the gags back at him every time.

    Then it developed sort of teethlike…

    little raspy incurving hooks
    and started eating.

    He thought this was cute at first
    and built an act around it…

    but the asshole would eat its way through
    his pants and start talking on the street…

    shouting out it wanted equal rights.

    It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags.
    Nobody loved it.

    And it wanted to be kissed,
    same as any other mouth.

    Finally, it talked all the time,
    day and night.

    You could hear him for blocks,
    screaming at it to shut up…

    beating at it with his fists…

    and sticking candles up it, but…

    nothing did any good,
    and the asshole said to him…

    “It is you who will shut up
    in the end, not me…

    “because we don’t need you
    around here anymore.

    I can talk and eat and shit.”

    After that, he began waking up
    in the morning with transparentjelly…

    like a tadpole’s tail
    all over his mouth.

    He would tear it off his mouth
    and the pieces would stick to his hands…

    like burning gasoline jelly
    and grow there.

    So, finally, his mouth sealed over…

    and the whole head…

    would have amputated spontaneously
    except for the eyes, you dig?

    That’s the one thing
    that the asshole couldn’t do was see.

    It needed the eyes.

    Nerve connections were blocked…

    and infiltrated and atrophied.

    So, the brain couldn’t
    give orders anymore.

    It was trapped inside the skull…

    sealed off.

    For a while, you could see…

    the silent, helpless suffering
    of the brain behind the eyes.

    And then finally
    the brain must have died…

    because the eyes went out…

    and there was no more feeling in them
    than a crab’s eye at the end of a stalk.

  10. grsh says:

    God help us if Gavin’s wife actually does divorce him after years of his family-values preaching. All signs are pointing to serious marital troubles, this article is quite obviously a letter-to-myself, a diary entry if you will.
    Alex Jones just lost custody of his kids and I doubt it’d be hard for Mrs. McG to make similar claims about unfitness considering all the shit that’s out there about Gavin’s past. Family court would NOT be kind, Gavin would probably beg for some kind of visitation rights in lieu of a trial because if he did go to trial he could completely be cut off. And geez, if he lost his family due to his rage issues (see how all he does is complain while loudly proclaiming how happy/satisfied he is personally? Doesn’t really match up, does it? Especially the repeated references to how unhappy his wife is with him), I’d *really* watch out, because when someone’s entire self-image blows up in their face publicly, it’s going to get ugly (particularly the holier-than-thou types). Best case scenario, he just hangs out with bimbos and goes the rich divorcee cokehead route. Worst case scenario is murder-spree-and-then-he-kills-his-wife-and-commits-suicide-by-cop.

  11. A Non OogaBooga says:

    But look at the bright side of a pending Gavin divorce and subsequent loss of child custody with minimal visitation rights. He finally has more time for Street Carnage. No more links to Taki articles and Rebel media videos. Instead he makes articles and videos tailor made for the Street Carnage audience. He studies the comments section and based on that he writes according to the tastes and interests of his commentators. Think about that for a minute.

  12. ??? says:

    ^ Oh shit!!!

  13. Free Advice!! says:

    Gavin should accidentally drive the family off the Chappaquiddick bridge and pretend the kids really looked like the postman and then marry Alex Jones and overdose on Alex’s longevity formula and live happily ever after. The end.

  14. Perky Penis says:

    Gavin will just move into an apartment with Anthony Cumia where they can do 18 hour podcasts bitching about divorce, liberals, women and why Opie and Jim Norton NEVER call them anymore.

  15. The Illuminati says:

    Nah, I think he’ll buy an old vacated Masons lodge and turn it into his world headquarters Proud Boy clubhouse. There the old fart can receive proud boy visitors like some kind of pope of masculinism preaching the gospel of “them fuckin bitches.”

  16. Mrs. C says:

    I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone. Hopefully the kids take after Emily

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