I’m not saying that the way they say “Don’t move here” during SXSW in Austin. I’m saying it for your benefit. Here are five reasons you’re better off where you are.
1- THE MEN ARE DICKS
Giant megalomaniacs who only talk about themselves and treat women worse than ISIS. Most men here have “a spare and a pair” and they all think they’re the only one.
2- THE WOMEN ARE VAPID
It’s a city filled with desperate spinsters hunting for a man and pretending their dog will quell their biological clock. By the time they realize it’s all a lie, the deadline has passed.
3- YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT
Thinking you’ll kick ass in NYC is even dumber than thinking you’re going to become a movie star in LA. Not even corporate lawyers, salesman, and finance guys are guaranteed a job. You don’t have that expertise. You’re doomed.
4- EVEN IF YOU DO, IT SUCKS
Making enough money to be middle class means you never see your family and pretty much every waking moment is devoted to hustling.
5- IT’S DISGUSTING HERE
Rats and roaches are not a stereotype. They are an everyday part of New York Life. The human beings who populate the place aren’t much better.