Posted by
John Pittsley
• 04.17.17 09:43 pm

Screen Shot 2017-04-17 at 9.33.05 PM

It’s a shame how hard it can be for people to appreciate the simpler things in life. Some assholes will try to say it has to do with all the technology these days but people have always had a difficult time enjoying simple things. People just don’t want to be inconvenienced or bored to death and the simpler things tend to be a combination of the two. Getting a call from a friend who’s trashed out of their mind is something everyone should be able to appreciate though, no matter how boring or inconvenient the call may seem.

Getting drunk dialed is one of the highest forms of flattery. Some find it rude, while others find it troubling but both of those people would be fucking morons. Having someone call you when they have a nice buzz going doesn’t just show you that they’re thinking about you, it shows they think you’re more fun than whatever the hell they have going on and that you’re possibly even worth fucking. If that’s not a compliment then I don’t know what is. It’s entertaining as shit to get a call from some drunk idiot, too.

Dealing with drunks can be annoying sometimes but that should only be when you’re actually trying to get something important done. Fixing a septic tank or installing a gas stove with your buddy, who happens to be drunk, can turn into a shit show in no time. Having some drunken buffoon fall into your lap, when you’re not really doing anything, should be a treat though. It’s almost like being at a live taping of Jackass. You won’t be able to see them crack their head open or spill shit all over themselves when it’s over the phone but the potential for entertainment is still there. The trick is not allowing it to get boring.

One of the biggest problems with drunk people is they’re constantly repeating themselves. They’ll deliver a killer line from time to time but everything out of their mouths from there on out tends to be a variation of that exact same thing. In order to keep the conversation entertaining, you have to continue to ask questions. The goal isn’t to get any dark secrets out of them, they’ll tell you that shit on their own. All you’re trying to do is allow them every opportunity to make an ass of themselves. You can’t do it gingerly, either. You have to ask them at rapid fire or as soon as they start to stray back towards their repetitive train of thought. If you don’t, they’ll take control of the situation. That may be good for a laugh or two when it comes to driving or using fireworks but letting drunks take control loses its entertainment value when it comes to talking over the phone. If there were anything annoying about drunk dialing it would be the time and frequency that it happens at.

Being woken up in the middle of the night by a friend’s phone call only to hear them slurring like an incoherent retard about how much they miss you can be a pain in the ass, no matter how flattering it may be. There’s no need to stay on the phone with them for hours on end though. If you’re not in the mood for some late-night entertainment or have to wake up early the next day, hang up the second you hear “what are you doing right now?” or “hey, buddy.” You have no obligation whatsoever to entertain some drunk friend, no matter how suicidal you think they are. Choosing to, getting upset about it, and then trying to tell them what a shitty move it was for them doesn’t just make you out to be the idiot, it shows you’re a piece of shit who’s not even worth talking to. Even if you do feel the need to get even, you’re better off relentlessly calling them early the next morning.

The only time it does get a bit out of line is when someone gets in the habit of calling a specific person when they’re drunk. That’s technically not drunk dialing. That’s basically just a stalker continually blowing their cover. And while that can be a tad bit troubling, it’s still nice to know that you have admirers. Being a little freaked out about the situation is perfectly reasonable but getting pissed at the guy for accidentally bringing it to your attention is totally unfair.

It shouldn’t matter how late it is or how many times they do it, if the person is drunk their call should put a smile on your face. I understand how some may get a tad bit annoyed being woken up in the middle of the night by some drunken idiot. Everyone needs their beauty sleep and some precious little princesses need it more than others. There’s no need to be a complete queen and throw a total bitch fit over an unplanned wake-up call, though. At worst, you tell the dickhead to shut the fuck up and you put your phone on silent. Holding a grudge or trying to have some serious talk with the guy, like it’s his intervention, takes the attention off his actions and will make you look like the lunatic.


  1. !@#$ says:

    Blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, boo boo, baba, baba boo boo, be bop, hipty hop, be bop, bobo, baba, baba boo boo, hip hop, hippty hop, wop mop, slop slap, fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  2. !@#$ says:

    dialing connecting connecting connecting connecting connecting CONNECTED gulp !@#$ gulp !@#$ gulp !@#$ gulp !@#$ gulp STFU…………

  3. OogaBooga says:

    Calling all drunk queers. I’m waiting for your calls.

  4. Rude O' Reilly says:

    “……I’m totally wasted and bummed out from the firing and am ready to switch sides since Hot Chocolate and the other info babes couldn’t keep their yaps shut. I promise I’ll shut up for once in my life by stuffing my drunken mouth with Geraldo’ s large uncut Puerto Rican Cock while Shepard Smith uses my Asshole as a No-Spin Zone. Yesterday the Pope gave me a thumbs up personal confession right up my Ass so I have the blessing of the chief child molestor himself. Thanks for accepting this phone call Charles as I needed to get this off my chest including the stinking steamer my career just took. At least your lucky you cripple as whose going to accuse a limp dick of sexual harassment unless it’s STARE rape – like we’re all guilty of.”
    – DickyLeaks

  5. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    I don’t like sober people when I’m drunk and I don’t like drunk people when I’m sober. Nothing personal. There’s no need for worlds to collide.

  6. A A A says:

    Let’s put a smile on drunk-people. By Drunk People.

  7. OogaBooga says:

    Calling all drunk queers! I’m still waiting for your calls.

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