Posted by
Gavin
• 03.12.08 11:08 am

coke.jpg

One thing that’s becoming very clear about the Spitzer scandal is how little the mainstream press knows about prostitutes. “$4,300? Either he owns the company or he’s up to some really weird shit.” What? Is putting coke in a whore’s ass “weird shit”? Stevie Nicks didn’t seem to mind it. Besides, how does that make you a crime boss? When I spend $100 on a pot delivery service am I part of a marijuana ring?

coke.jpg

One thing that’s becoming very clear about the Spitzer scandal is how little the mainstream press knows about prostitutes. “$4,300? Either he owns the company or he’s up to some really weird shit.” What? Is putting coke in a whore’s ass “weird shit”? Stevie Nicks didn’t seem to mind it. Besides, how does that make you a crime boss? When I spend $100 on a pot delivery service am I part of a marijuana ring?

Here in New York $4,300 isn’t that crazy. HBO has taught most Middle Americans that blowjobs cost $20 but that’s only for crackheads at death’s door. If you live in Manhattan and you want to get a girl to come to your house via an escort service, the standard price is $500. If you want to go high-end, $1,000 an hour is perfectly normal. Shit, half the time escorts of that caliber don’t even fuck you. They just put on a fancy gown, come to the front-row seats you got for the boxing match, and leave during the after party.
Eliot Spitzer got a $1,000 an hour escort for 2.5 hours. That gets rounded to 3 come bill time and paying $3,000 is standard for high-end whores. Now, to throw in 43% tip is excessive to say the least but the only ring it links him to is the brown-stained, wrinkly one in between her ass cheeks.


Comments
  1. muthafutha says:

    Does it have to be wrinkly, though? couldn’t you specify for that kind of money that you’d like a virgin asshole on your piece of tail? if you’re going to be putting coke up her ass do you really want to look a discoloured wrinkly asshole in the eye if you’re the one making all the emotional investment in it? we need pristine assholes on all our future hookers, just sayin’.

  2. Jim Goad says:

    Group Homework:

    In the spirit of the “Dirty Sanchez,” let’s pick the most repellent sex act imaginable and call it the “Eliot Spitzer.”

  3. eener says:

    hahaha…ohman, I cannot wait to see what this group deems as the Eliot Spitzer.

  4. poopie bat says:

    I’ll have the “Anal Spritzer” and a package of menthols.

  5. Loomis says:

    From now on putting coke in a girl’s ass is called the Eliot Spitzer.

  6. Dr. Aidstein McGillicudy says:

    I always assumed there was ear sex involved.

  7. Loomis says:

    One thing to remember about Spitzer is that he was never the crusader he said he was. Sure he said he was going to nail bigwigs like Dick Grasso and Hank Greenberg but those cases never went anywhere. The only people he nailed were low-level analysts like Henry Blodget who made predictions Spitzer didn’t like and can never work on Wall Street again because of it.
    The guy was a phony from day one and I’d like to say kudos to the New York Post who was on to him the second he appeared in office.

  8. justlooking says:

    OF COURSE HE GOT ANAL.

    He’s a nice Jewish boy. Why else would he chasing 20-year old shiksas?

    (But was the real kink throttling them while pounding away from the rear? That sounds, umm, “unsafe.”)

  9. Branson Carbine says:

    The Eliot Spitzer:

    Vetoing state legislation with a big red pen while nursing from a lactating hooker.

  10. Or Angina says:

    I think the “Eliot Spitzer” is timely and all, but bound to be forgotten. When the man gave himself a nickname that immediately evokes wonderment– that is, “I’m a fucking steamroller”– why not run with it?

    I hereby call for the “Eliot Spitzer” sexual act to be renamed the “Spitzer Steamroller,” and it will consist of essentially sitting on the face of his freelancer with his cock and balls shoved entirely into his or her mouth. Perhaps one drooley ball slips out and hangs across his or her cheek for effect. There is copious nose to anus friction. He should be reading paperwork piled on his or her shins and resting a coffee on his or her stomach.

    Yes, yes, R. Crumb did this first and best, but he’s a big man. He’ll understand that History is bigger sometimes.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Outstanding.

    the Spitzer Steamroller it is.

  12. Branson Carbine says:

    His loyal, long-suffering wife’s name is Silda Spitzer.

    A “Silda Spitzer” is when a chick gives herself an anal douche with a vanilla egg-cream soda and then squirts it on you.

  13. […] with Melissa Bent, Mirabelle Marden, founders of Rivington Arms (Style.com)We picked out our favorite coverage of the Elliot Spitzer Scandal (SB&TVC) We got Richard Prince to speak to us, Art Talk! one upped us and got him on video (VBS)The guy […]

  14. Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan says:

    In the biggest flow period of the woman’s period right before she has to take a big shit you eat that pussy and snort clots until your sinuses are full then you frantically eat her ass and try to make her shit as quick as you can.. the theme to this act is speed and getting the most for your money – when you’ve got enough shit on your grille so you could pass for Ted Danson you fuck her face faaaaaast till she needs to puke — quick scuttle back under – she pukes on your face while fisting or at least thumbing your ass, then you come on her hand and she slaps you in the mouth hard enough to draw blood. this should all be taking place on a piss soaked bed, both of you should do that during foreplay when you’re drumming her stomach so she really needs to shit. finally while your putting your clothes back on she eats a handful of grated cheese you farted on earlier and drinks out of the toilet, horks and Spitz in your mouth, then you pay and leave.. even if she’s not a whore. hopefully one of you’ll have been crying at some point so you’ve been govered by every reasonable fluid and discharge (sorry no tit milk for babies or bile bitches) and can go home to ‘the girls’ unwound and unburdened

    dude this whole saga reminds me of “Four Little Diamonds”. it’s a fucking disgrace our public servants aren’t paid enough to afford the 7 diamond cunts. also I think it’s poor form that just because Spitzer went after white collar criminals nobody had the good grace to give him the secret password for the Wall Street Skulls 10’s Club. that a governor had to buy his whore off a website… for shame. this country is going to the Dawgs

  15. Bobby Bobby Bobby says:

    “… The Aristocrats!”

  16. Tony Badassassino says:

    Pardon me if this has already been said in the forum, but as a man of experience, I can tell you that a large portion of the 4300 is paid out for discretion. It’s hush money up front. I guess Elly got ripped off. The anal is assumed.


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