Jesus Christ, it’s 2011 and Jezebel still doesn’t have anything better to do than worry about fucking Family Guy?
Hey Rip Van Dyke, it’s the 21st century – Even Ani Difranco is married with kids!
Wake up and smell the penis: Gay marriage is legal, and the heyday of your feminist rage went out with re-runs of “A Different World.”
I’d like to tear Jezebel a new asshole, but after all the assholes I’ve torn them over the years, I can’t bear to do it again. Can’t someone else do it?
Yes, someone can: my biological brother. He’s a real writer, but more importantly, he has the patience to analyze this shit. I’m old and I can’t get it up.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my brother, Nick Edmund:
In last week’s Family Guy, Quagmire’s sister Brenda and her abusive spouse Jeff come to town, setting the table for jokes on a fresh, taboo subject. While the episode featured more than its share of shock-value, it was also funny and overtly satirical, both towards the abuser and the abused: Jeff wants Brenda to work over 100 hours a week so he can buy “motor oil and wallet chains,” while Brenda downplays a black eye by noting “how gentle Jeff hits me when we’re alone.”
I can’t say I was surprised to learn that this post had appeared on Jezebel the next morning, condemning the episode as “seriously awful” and hitting a “horrible new low,” essentially calling for the castration of whoever wrote it. The author was SO mad, in fact, that I looked forward to clicking around to digest the internet shitstorm she seemed to think it merited.
First, I checked the Twitter feed of Alec Sulkin, the writer of the episode and arguably the funniest person online, who has proven himself eager to acknowledge wrongdoing when he’s taken it too far. After posting an admittedly insensitive tweet about the Japanese Tsunami, he owned up and took it down, sending out an apology immediately afterward. As of this post, he has made no mention of the latest Family Guy episode.
Fox hasn’t made an apology either – They didn’t even preface the show with a disclaimer. Keep in mind that this is a network that has made every attempt not to offend our quinoa-fed, PC asses. Remember those tornadoes that raped the south last spring? Fox was planning on running an Animation Domination crossover special about a hurricane that Saturday. Instead, they pushed the special back to October, when we had forgotten all about the disaster and resumed speculation as to who’d be next to get to suck on Kim Kardashian’s fat tits.
So what’s the problem? The answer is that there isn’t one. Jezebel is like Wendy’s: They’s just lookin’ for the beef.
It’s in Jezebel’s best interest to make an issue out of nothing. That’s what gets the views, and by extension, the monies. And while this appears to be a successful business model, it occasionally gets them fucked in the ass by the studded cock of hubris:
You might remember that “story” they broke in 2010 about the Daily Show’s alleged mistreatment of its female employees. Long story short, the entire female staff sent out an open letter that not only denied the allegations, but literally told them to go fuck themselves.
The issue with these sensationalist, knee-jerk articles is not that they’re misleading (which they are), but the environment that they create. Networks know that the blogosphere is watching their every move, and one thread is all it takes to ignite a firestorm of controversy. The networks have no choice but to take every conceivable measure to cover their asses, leaving us to suffer the safe, bland programming they serve up.
The end result? The atrocious, edgy-as-my-left-nut “Two and a Half Men” is the number one show in America. Because of pitchfork chuckers like Jezebel’s Whitney Jefferson, a shit stain named Angus is making three hundred thousand dollars an episode.
Our only hope against these forces determined to deprive us of our funny are visionaries like Seth MacFarlane. This is an individual that had to fight to get control of his ideas, shielding them from the corrupting influence of the networks so we might enjoy ourselves for twenty-two minutes a week. Guys like him and Louis C.K., that maintain agency in the face of manipulation, are the only people that make T.V. watchable.
Shame on Jezebel for throwing them under the bus.
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