Posted by
Street Carnage
• 05.07.12 01:50 pm

Dear Lesley Arfin, Street Carnage, and Reality,

Last night, we saw you on the HBO show Girls and were dismayed to see your character was best buds with a “person of color.”  

Our whole angle up to now has been hating on the show for not having any black people and when you mocked our indignation, we decided to single you out as the racist one. Later, when it became clear you’re not actually racist, we decided to reinvent the definition of the term, so now it’s “Hipster Racism” or “Ironic Racism.”

Now this. Shit. We were considering working in some kind of conspiracy doohickey where we said you stuffed in the scene later but nobody’s going to fall for that so we’re just going to have to go with reality—namely, we were wrong.

We are sorry we singled you out as the personification of modern racism. We know it loses people jobs and ruins careers but consider this: complaining about people who veer even one pubic hair from modern cultural orthodoxies is our bread and butter. We went deep into debt getting liberal-arts educations and spent hundreds of hours proving Star Wars is homophobic and that guitar solos are insensitive to indigenous peoples. When we graduated, nobody wanted to hear about it, so we got jobs at websites where other people with useless degrees can pretend it’s all relevant. Basically, if there isn’t racism lurking around every corner, we’re out of a job.

That’s the fucked-up part about all this. We WANT America to be a scary racist place where gays are hated by all and women are second-class citizens. When we hear a mob attacked a guy on St. Patrick’s day, we pray that it’s white-on-black. We don’t want to hear about that boring white couple in Knoxville who were raped, tortured, and dismembered. We want to hear about a vigilante who assassinates black kids or a white supremacist who randomly assassinates African Americans. When we found out the first guy was some kind of Peruvian Jew and the second guy was Cherokee, we were pissed.

If all the isms disappeared tomorrow, we’d invent new ones. It’s what we do. For a living. And if we couldn’t keep doing it, we’d be the ones out of a job. We hadn’t even considered that. God forbid anyone attack us for sloppy journalism and premature witch-hunting.

We’re sorry we put all our eggs in the “there are no people of color on Girls” basket, but if you want to get really real, it wasn’t because it was disingenuous or it fucked with your life. We’re sorry because it made us look foolish. Please know that we’ll be changing our angle to “There are not ENOUGH people of color in the show.” It has a lot less zing. but it keeps food on the table.

Sincerely,

Max Read                      Andrea Plaid                               Dodai Stewart                    Lindy West

 

Dear Dickweeds,

We would take this apology a lot more seriously if we hadn’t just totally fabricated it right now. However, even though it’s fake and not very sincere, we still don’t accept it. Which brings us to a much more important point…

What you really should be apologizing for is the environment you create for blacks in this country. How’s that for ironic racism? Turns out, YOU’RE the problem.

You have created a climate of fear where you keep telling black people that there is an invisible force field surrounding them at all times and no matter how hard they try, they will be greeted with nothing but failure. You keep telling them their skin color is a curse and all the education and hard work in the world ain’t going to change it. Nice pep talk, dicks.

Why work hard to get a show on HBO when there are a hundred articles out there saying it’s impossible? Why go to a job interview when the boss isn’t going to give you a chance? Why get out of bed? Why try?

Not only do you discourage success with this bullshit, you sow hatred. If all short, fat, white men were told they didn’t get into the NBA because of some secret unwritten rule, they wouldn’t just give up on basketball, they’d want revenge.

Once again, the crusaders for justice end up hurting the people they purport to help. You can apologize for that if you want, but it’s probably too late.

Sincerely,

Reality.


Comments
  1. RED says:

    Here’s something you forgot to mention. When a politically incorrect joke is made it’s not to make fun of visible minorities or gays or any real victims, it’s to make fun of these people. They joke is on them. They are being made fun of for being humorless old bores who think they can tell other people how to speak. Not only are they against humor and free speech and basically art, they’re against fun. If there is one group who is hated equally by blacks, whites, gays, Jews, etc it’s the language police. They are the Debbie Downers of America.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I think that when it comes to the Gawker gays getting all hot n’ bothered about racism in pop culture it is because they so desperately want to latch on to the civil rights struggles of the 1960s.

  3. Anni DiFranco says:

    @Anonymous
    mcinnes makes that point here
    http://takimag.com/article/finding_a_racist_in_a_haystack#axzz1uDEiFR26

  4. John Biner says:

    That little beta male loves chopping off his balls and handing them to women who don’t want them. What happened to the American man?

  5. duh says:

    so good

  6. raymes says:

    I think it (#hipsterracism) originated with Vice and was never meant in a bad way and should not be put on Lesley’s shoulders.

  7. pfft says:

    blah blah blah

  8. John says:

    again: who gives a fuck? Really. No one cares. Jokes on you guys. no one gives a shit. You look just as fucking stupid as those gawker fags by caring so much. Don’t tell me how I’m supposed to feel about race and race relations. I can think for myself.

    On another note: jesus fucking christ that show just keeps getting better. It’s like Seinfeld in the 90s. The best.

  9. mightycrown says:

    TV≠nothing to do with my reality
    No one has cared about Scottland since Trainspotting either.

    Then again, I’m such a fucking idiot, I think Scotland has two “Ts” in it.

  10. sloptop says:

    OK here’s the deal: the criticism of the show not having any black main characters is stupid because the point of the show is that it’s about these terrible, spoiled and sequestered brats.

    That said, the fact that Lesley’s character (who is a lazy stereotype, like the Asian chick in the first episode who’s good with computers) is work-friends with a black woman (who is also a lazy stereotype) means nothing. The criticism hadn’t been that there were no black characters; after all, there was that homeless black guy in the first episode.

  11. WELL THIS CRUESADE AGAINST SO-CALL ‘HIPSTER RACIALISM’ TRUELY IS THE BAIN OF OUR EXCISTANCE. WELL YOU CAN LOOK AND SEE THAT LITTERALLY MILLIONS OF NON-RACIALEST WHITE’S HAVE LOST THEY’RE JOBS AND THEY’RE LIVELYHOOD’S BECASUE OF THIS WHICH HUNT.

    WELL IT REALLY MAKE’S YOU WANDER WHERE OUR UN-EMPOLYMENT RATIO WOUDL BE IF IT WAS’NT FOR ALL THE POEPLE LOSEING THEY’RE JOBS DO TO ACCUSASTION’S OF RACIALISM

  12. taka says:

    jesus. “lazy stereotype” WTF? so EVERY character to ever appear on this show (and for some reason its ONLY this show that has to live up
    to this bizarre rule-book) MUT be a fully fleshed out person with a complete backstory and not act or say ANYTHING * like a secretary from the outer boroughs -might POSSIBLY resemble. And all the deli owners must have their own story -line too. Rajiv and his personal story is absolutely ESSENTIAL in a silly, funny little show written by a chick who grew up in Manhattan who is 24 and went to art school.
    OK, thats a snap in 30 minutes. I’ll ask Lena to get right on that.

  13. Lair says:

    That episode was written by some sort of ironic Nostradamus. Not only did it have hefty doses of the “unrepresentables” but it also featured a great scene with the Jessa character sermonizing to a multiethnolifestyle round table of NY nannies about how she might even insist on taking a pay cut to be more in line with their oppressive struggle. All while she sits cross legged on a table actually physically looking down on all of them. Until someone points out that she’s lost the children she was supposed to be looking after.
    A powerful metaphor for how America’s Younger Generation’s futures are being summarily shitted on and flushed while all anybody wants to do is argue about who’s hugging the hate victim harder?
    Somehow I doubt Lindy West or Max Read are donating their paychecks to Ascots for Urban Youth to help change peoples perceptions.

  14. Lair says:

    I should also point out that Horatio Sanz refers to Jemima Kirke as having “a face like a young Brigitte Bardot and an ass like Rihanna” in the same episode. (a sentiment I endorse wholeheartedly) Who’s not being represented again?

  15. BLASIAN says:

    as a half black guy who reads this shit way too much, i can honestly say that we do not give a fuck about any of you

  16. Campin with Goat Sampson says:

    So if you’re half black and half asian does that mean you have a white penis? Hipster racism. Right? No? Shit.

  17. charles in charge says:

    Leslie looked great on Girls.
    You know what there are too many of on this show? Jews.
    Oh wait anyone ever been to Manhattan? It’s just like the show. There are not a lot of black people (south of 110th St), there are a heck of a lot of Jews, all the guys are wimps, and most of the chicks are not that hot. And lots of the chicks that think they are really hot are not (talking to you Jessa). JUST LIKE THE SHOW.

  18. fart fart says:

    Haha you care about something.

  19. Websites looking for hits says:

    We WANT America to be a scary racist place.

  20. BLAH says:

    Correct me if im wrong but does this show take place in greenpoint, brooklyn? I live here and i dont see too many black people out here. Should there have been more whites on the cosby show? and in that case if people are getting upset why arent we upset at the fact that the only black dude on SATC was Miranda’s hot sex partner/neighbor (stereotype? hello?)
    My boyfriend is black so we will let you know when more move in
    xoxo

  21. BLAH says:

    id rather no black people on shows rather than token black people like that brooklyn chick in gossip girl


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