I think the yeast infection I had back in May never really went away, despite my having taken TWO Diflucan…and it reappeared with a MIGHTY VENGEANCE this week.
My shitty-ass health insurance only allows me TWO measly doctor’s visits a year (!!!!), so I had to use one of them up for this nonsense. :-/ (I should have just gone to Planned Parenthood in retrospect…but WHAT THE FUCK is the point of paying $154/month for health insurance if you’re just gonna use Planned Parenthood?????) Anyhoo, the doctor prescribed me some foul goo with which to baste my birth canal every night before bed and told me to only wear plain-white pure cotton underwear from now on.
WTF! Easier said than done! I went to Walmart, and all their fucking plain white undies are size-XXXL granny briefs!!! Help!!!! If anyone knows a good place to buy inexpensive white cotton panties that have a surface area less than Wyoming, please let me know ASAP!
Speaking of the medical-insurance business, this week I got a special insight as to why it’s so fucked-up. I’ve been desperate for work lately, so I was beating up the help-wanted ads on Craigslist and got a gig as a model at a medical conference in Henderson. It sounded pretty straightforward—they said to wear black yoga pants, and they would give us a white branded tank top to wear. I figured we’d be handing out flyers or something.
I showed up and hung around with the four other bimbos they had hired, and suffered through their miserably inane bullshit conversation about boys, eyelash extensions and blah blah blah until the lady in charge came over and told us what we’d be doing: basically acting as guinea pigs on which the doctors could practice using this new Ultrasound equipment. Normally I guess they use cadavers, but to give the docs a thrill they hired real live models this time. Can you say CREEEEEEEEPY???
The lady told us they needed three of us to have our upper arms done, one to have the lower back done, and one to have the hip done. I hadn’t shaved my legs in about four months, so I didn’t want to expose my legs, so I volunteered for the lower back instead. "Oooh, someone must be single," one of the other bitchy "models" smirked. Fuck you, you two-bit hag hack! I don’t shave more than twice a month, and guess what…I STILL have plenty of guys banging on my door!
The tables turned on that dumb bitch, though—she ended up being the hip model and had to pull down her pants and expose her nasty, hairy snatch!!!!! HA HA, BITCH! She was totally mortified—and actually rightfully so, since the Craigslist ad hadn’t mentioned anything about anything like this, and the gig only paid $100 total. Serves her right, though!
Meanwhile, we all changed into scrubs and laid on exam tables in this giant operating theater while groups of doctors came around and prodded us with Ultrasound probes. They were supposedly Ultrasounding my "lower back," but it was basically my ass all the way. I’ve never had so many strange men sploshing goo on my asscheeks, then probing me and complimenting me on my excellent piriformis (lookit up….LMFAO!). It was kinda weird, but to be honest I was already pretty well used to that shit from when I used to shoot for my medical fetish site, divinelyssa.com, and all we ever DID was play with Ultrasound machines. So I wasn’t as freaked-out as the other girls. I even kinda dozed off laying there face-down with some orthopedic surgeon from Houston poking my piriformis.
After a while we got a break, during which Little Miss Bitch whined incessantly about how "uncomfortable" she was having her nasty-ass scraggly pubes exposed…so I finally offered to switch with her, mostly to shut her up but also because the doctor in charge of her station was kinda hot. So now I got to lay there with my own nasty-ass scraggly ’70s bush half-exposed while they Ultrasounded my hip flexor or some such nonsense, only making one or two inappropriate jokes about trans-vaginal probes. (I’m not kidding, they really did!!) But the worst part was listening to the doctors’ greedy babbling: "So how do we bill for this procedure?" According to the main demonstrating doctor there was a certain way they could bill the procedure to maximize profits, so he spent half the fuckin’ time telling them how to do THAT instead of how to use the fucking machine!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about a broken fucking system! Gawd, I wish I could have hidden a camera in my twat and recorded all this—you would have PUKED!