Posted by
Street Carnage
• 03.07.13 06:00 pm

George Zimmerman, the world’s first “White Hispanic” and a man who is currently facing murder charges for gunning down Trayvon Martin, waddled into a courtroom the other day looking like New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

He was obese with a goiter-sized double chin and a full yet neatly cropped head of hair.

Last time we remember seeing him, he was gaunt and had his head shaved, although his hair appeared to be thinning:

In the first shot most people saw of him, he was bloated again, with a werewolf’s ample hairline and a few days’ growth of facial hair. His nose also looked far less pointy than in all subsequent pictures:

Yet on the night of the killing, he looked super-skinny with an extra-mangled nose and apparently hadn’t wiped his mouth after chowing down on cherry pie:

A pre-shooting photo shows him to be of average weight, balding again, and with a mustache and goatee:

But another recent court appearance shows him with a full head of hair yet appearing somewhat overweight but not quite obese, with his skin a rich and tangy olive color:

And yet another booking photo shows with no facial hair, only slightly balding, and of apparently medium weight. It’s almost a composite of all the other pictures:

Georgie-boy, if you keep changing your story as much as you change your appearance, you’re fucked. Let’s hope your lawyer is better than your fashion consultant.


  1. Carolynn says:

    Can you get that fat in jail? The question is, what look makes him look the most innocent.

  2. I’ve always found that a sweater vest with a tie underneath is the perfect combination. A suit can make you look too snazzy to the judge and jury but you don’t want to dress like a bum. Looking a bit dorky and not able to afford a proper suit but respectable in a suburban dad or young college professor sort of way is the most innocent look by far. Saved my ass a few times.

  3. zig says:

    Hey Carolynn, you almost have no choice but to get fat in jail.
    They buy the cheapest nastiest fat sugar ridden by products known to man. I worked in a jail and a prison for a few years. A buddy of mine went to prison for two years. (pot) He started smoking, gained a hundred pounds, and is now disabled. He ain’t even 45. Of course, it was his own damn fault, but man, the food in prison is really designed to kill you young.

    As for George, I bet if we took pictures of the writer, over a period of a year, he would look real different in each one. Especially if he was going to prison for shooting a thug trying to kill him.

    if he did not look different, that WOULD be weird.

  4. zig says:

    But I do like the Christy look. I bet the jurors do too.

  5. O. Peck says:

    He got out of jail in July, but jogging with a giant target painted on your back is probably even less fun that plain ol’ jogging.


  7. Josh says:

    I think he should stick with the fat look. He looks more jolly, more wholesome and does not give off the gaunt psychopath vibe he had in the first courtroom pics. If he is fat the jury will have a harder time imagining him chasing down and struggling with Mr. Martin. Fat people seem more hapless. In the top pic he looks like a nerdy hispanic high-school senior who just got a scholarship to MIT. Given his current predicament, I think this look will work for him.

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