Posted by
• 12.12.08 01:28 pm

As someone who’s planted hundreds of thousands of trees over the years and preached “Green” shit decades before that gay term was invented, I can’t help but be skeptical of this latest insurgence of the trend (wait, “trend”?

As someone who’s planted hundreds of thousands of trees over the years and preached “Green” shit decades before that gay term was invented, I can’t help but be skeptical of this latest insurgence of the trend (wait, “trend”? Don’t these people get that “trends” are the environment’s kryptonite? For example, when Finding Nemo came out, kids became obsessed with getting their own and it devastated the clown fish population which then had dozens of other domino effects for that whole ecosystem).

Are these new celeb hippies really in it for the long haul? Plastic bags? That’s your beef? They probably represent 1% of landfills and now you’re running around with a reusable hemp bag that says, “Use Me – Again and Again. I love it.”

Environmentalism is a nerdy pursuit that involves numbers and dirty fingers and other boring shit. To see celebrities and New Yorkers scream about it smells rottener than all of Denmark. What’s their real agenda? I suspect it’s the usual Lefty agenda which is: Being a snob and telling the lower classes how to live their lives. Or, more specifically: Saying whatever makes my rich daddy mad.

It’s pretty easy to expose these people as phonies. All you have to do is throw out a litmus test like, “Do they still care when it becomes uncool?” Can they still hang if it sounds, um, sexist? Birth control pills are devastating the salmon population by turning the fish into hermaphrodites. Nobody in the new green movement will go near this topic because to criticize birth control is to get into pro-life and rich dads are pro-life. When Curt Cunningham, the water quality chairman for the Rocky Mountain Chapter of Sierra Club International was confronted about his inability to touch the subject, his only excuse was, “I suspect people would not take to kindly to it.” What a fucking pussy.

You don’t have to choose sexism. Choose anything. “Hey, celebriGreen, did you know you’re racist?”
I am not! I voted for Obama.
“No, you are. Everything you do is basically a White Power move.”

Here’s an article I wrote for Death & Taxes that proves it…

When racists, real racists, go off on a tirade it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. They’re just so shameless and oblivious about it all, you find yourself thinking, “Can this guy hear himself?”

Like, when they go on about Al Gore and Global Warming and “going Green” and how there’s “way too many cars out there” and “there’s too many of us” you find yourself cringing and PRAYING there’s no Mexicans in the room. I mean, surely these bourgeois hippies know it’s primarily Mexicans who are behind the population surge in the U.S.

Citizen population has remained the same or gone down since 1970 but 100% of the population boom (commonly referred to as “the wedge”) comes from immigrants (almost exclusively Mexican).

They know you can’t have too many cars without too many people but they can’t say “Stop breeding you fucking wetbacks!” so they just get mad at the cars. When the Greeners take it to a “global community” level, the ethnic bashing gets even worse.

“We should supply contraceptives to all those 180 million people in the developing world,” says Norman Myers of the World Wildlife Fund. “Population growth is directly involved in the pollution and degradation of our environment” ads Sierra Club head Carl Pope. “Well, excu-u-u-u-u-u-se me for breeding” replies the Third World. Environmentalists pretend they only hate gas-guzzling SUVs and other rich, American white people cars but these only account for a tiny fraction of the cars out there. The mathematical truth of it all is impossible to deny: To say “there’s too many cars in America” is the same as saying, “There’s too many Mexicans in America” and to say, “There’s too many cars in the world” is to say “There’s too many non-whites in the world.” Sounds like most tree huggers would like to see Africa, Asia and South America just quietly sink into the sea.

They kind of already tried. After reading a badly researched book called Silent Spring that said the bug spray DDT kills birds (it doesn’t), environmentalists decided the chemical must be eradicated. Eventually, this ban became a worldwide phenomenon and the Third World was prevented from using the greatest mosquito-killer ever made, this led to millions of deaths. The tiny South African province of KwaZulu Natal for example, went from about 50 deaths a year before the ban, to almost 500 the following year. The director general of health services for Uganda called the DDT ban “contemporary colonialism” after watching 50,000 Ugandan children die of malaria there in 2005. It’s an epidemic that has spread across the entire continent and these black cadavers have the Green movement to thank. Environmentalists got called out for this a few years ago but, instead of letting the relatively harmless DDT go free and save African lives, they came up with a new plan: nets. That’s right, nets. “Nothing But Nets” is an organization who’s mantra “send a net save A life” seems to laugh in the face of the numbers and bask in the part where their Band-Aid solution can’t even come close to saving the lives DDT would.

It isn’t just bugs environmentalists enjoy killing Africans with. They also enjoy murdering them with that weird prank where you leave a paper bag of burning excrement in front of someone’s house and anonymously ring the doorbell. The British Department of International Development is pushing a program called “Development by Dung” wherein Africans are encouraged to “not follow the same failed patterns of energy use” and use manure instead of diesel to power their communities. With all due respect to dung, it sucks shit. Lung damage is now second only to diarrhea as a child killer in Africa and it comes from inhaling poo. Aseshi University’s Kofi Bentil has begged the First World elites to take it easy on all this emission fascism and let the Dark Continent use real fuel. “Please, Europe and America, spare us!” he recently pleaded, “You can cut your own emissions if you want, but don’t tell us what to do. We really have much more serious and urgent threats to deal with.” All Africa wants is the luxury to use a coal-fired power plant to give them one fucking light bulb and possibly, a microwave in their homes. Start them with that and they could get healthy, then educated, then organized, then wealthy, then independent, then MAYBE worry about solar panels and organic soy. “Nope” say the environmentalists, “Stick to shit.”

They don’t even want Africans to eat. In 1970 Norman Borlog Borlaug won the Nobel Peace Prize for coming up with genetically engineered food. He has lived in the Third World for decades and his work has saved an estimated one billion lives. However, white-upper-middle-class-American-health-nuts-in-organic-cotton-pants call his corn “Frankenfood” and insist we all go back to chemical-free farming. All of us. Even Africa. Borlaug did the math and tried to explain to the greenies that:

A- Genetically engineered food is not bad for you.
B- No, you’re wrong. We don’t inject animal genes into corn. We look at, say, fish genes, and try to figure out how they work but you can’t make Fishcorn. Stop calling it Frankenfood. Especially when you’re talking to Third World politicians who want to make you happy.
C- Organic farming sounds great if you live on Venice Beach and only eat raw food (what a luxury!) but even if your plan could be executed, it would only feed 4 billion of us. That’s 2.6 billion short of the world population.

The environmentalist response was, “Fuck you Borlaug.” Subsequently, in October of 2002, Zambia had a huge donation of genetically modified food slapped out of their hands when the president was told it was “poison.” The country responded by starving. Hippies must have danced with glee when they saw the numbers of black bodies pile up to the sky but this was only the beginning. Latin America has a good 40 million poor people that could do with some suffering.

Not only does the enviro-dogma of “Stop using so much stuff” equal “Enough with the immigrant babies in America please,” environmentalists’ love of bio fuels says, “Fuck the Mexicans in Mexico too.” By pushing everyone from gas to ethanol, they have jacked up the price of corn so high Beaners can’t afford their own tortillas. In 2005, a kilo of tortillas in Mexico cost 63 cents a pound. Today, thanks to the demand for corn as fuel, the price is over two dollars. Try telling a poor person their grocery bills are going to triple overnight. Sucks right? Look, they’re crying! For the first time in Latin American history, Ramen noodles are overtaking tortillas as the region’s most “popular” food (this sounds like a joke but I’m serious).

Ethanol is a great way for actors in California to feel better about driving their cars but it makes brown people starve and it increases global warming and it destroys forests and it inflates food prices globally. Only an elitist racist would tell the Third World the best way to power an engine is to burn food. Even in America this new demand has raised the price of everything, 50% in some cases (livestock eats corn, and it all trickles down from there). When customers at Whole Foods on 14th St in Manhattan were confronted with this huge hike in food costs, most responded with, “I can take it.” These are the same people, by the way, who insist on banning trans fats and have forced the Third World to switch from supplying them partially hydrogenated vegetable oil to the much less cholesterol-y palm oil. This meant dedicating the rain forests in places like Borneo with trans-fat-free farms that displace all the aboriginals there, and the wild orangutans, and the Sumatran rhinoceroses, and the pygmy elephants. It’s a move that the World Bank recently described as “A species extinction spasm of planetary proportions.” You’d think these hippies would be satisfied with fucking all blacks and browns in the ass but that still leaves a billion Asians who are just asking for it.

Though Bush is blamed for leaving China out of the Kyoto treaty, the truth is Gore and Clinton just sat on it until their term was up and it was George’s problem. This still hasn’t prevented environmentalists from taking out a few million Asians. Chinese people love pork more than Mexicans love tortillas. Shit, they love it more than starving Africans love eating genetically engineered food. Unfortunately, ethanol fanaticism has jacked the world price of corn so high, not even pigs can eat. That means, in 2007 the price for live pigs went up a whopping 71%. And that means poor Chinese starve.

All of Asia is feeling this pinch. Even Indonesians, who are way too Muslim to give a shit about pork, had a riot in Jakarta back in January because biodiesel had jacked the prices of soybeans through the roof and nobody could afford to eat shit (actually, that’s the one thing they could afford to eat but Africa had used it all to heat their mud huts).

So, environmentalists want Africans to starve, they want Mexicans to stop breeding, and they want all of Asia to do both… Can we not go back to Nazi skinheads — or even Nazis for that matter? All the former did was fuck up a few shopkeepers and though the latter killed 6 million people, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to the carnage that is the environmentalist movement.

Now, it’s possible Al Gore’s fans are just naïve kids with their hearts in the right place but, I don’t know, I planted about 150,000 trees from 1990 to 1995 and the only people I remember in the forest working 60 hours a week were: African exchange students, Native Americans, working class locals, and a few broke students that never talked about the environment once. Once again, the ones screaming, “Keep it real” the loudest are the ones the most full of shit (metaphorically of course, the ones literally the most full of shit here would be the Africans, unfortunately).

This was a lot of tattoos ago.

You know labor is hard when it turns a fat guy into this. PS: Those are dead black flies on my stomach. The bugs are so bad, the only way to fight them is to cover yourself with Mazola Oil and let them drown on you. By the end of the day, you are burnt to a crisp and covered in so many dead bugs it looks like you’re wearing full body fishnet stockings.

Please excuse the outfits. These were the grunge years.

Derrick was thrilled to find a chapter of his favorite men’s club all the way up in Northern Canada.

The rural North has some pretty awesome thrift stores.

Derrick got a tattoo on his forehead.

This was an MIT professor who lost his mind up there. His personality split into, get this: The Nietzschean Ubermensch (AKA the Original Superman) and his arch enemy Snuggles the dog. Snuggles had a picture of Moses in his doghouse and the Ubermensch was always trying to kill him. John wrote a rock opera about it. He also got fired for planting the word JOHN in trees over about 3 square miles. He said it was a message to God.

Unloading one of thousands of boxes of trees.

The facilities

The camp.

The cutover.

The end.

  1. lol@u says:

    agreed about ethanol. while gm crops maybe good for africa, any knowledge of how monsanto operates will make you shudder. and everybody should stop breeding. why are you having so many goddamn babies? 2 is enough. makes me sick whether it’s a mexican, or a white catholic or some weirdo mormon cult.

  2. the real louis says:

    here here!!

  3. goatpiss says:

    me to I was a crusty punk tree sitter for years that makes a fat guy skinny to oh well

  4. jack lalane says:

    It is hard to believe there was ever a time you guys were healthy but these pics prove otherwise. I didn’t read the post, too long.

  5. rjb says:

    Good points Gavin. Another bullshit move by millionaire hippies is to try and stop vaccinations because of a perceived increase in autism. Millions of kids will die of measles if they succeed in convincing moms that vaccines are bad.

  6. What? says:

    Which one are u for? By your paranoid logic the Ugandan government banned the DDT so they could drive down the population which would be good for their economy and they didnt care about those people anyway. And hey the environment because less people means less damage to the earth mother and less cars (liike the had cars) and less poop in the river.

    There are too many people in the world. If someones gotta go, better them than me. I like America and I’m happy supporting things that help the rest of the world but I’ve got other things to do. The bag is stupid for sure. Stupid and self important.

    I’ve lost my point. Anyway yay earth and yay america.

  7. whaaa??? says:

    “Eventually, this ban became a worldwide phenomenon and the Third World was prevented from using the greatest mosquito-killer ever made, this lead to millions of deaths.”

    This is actually a myth. Silent Spring had nothing to do with any supposed ban. Plus, DDT was still used for indoor spraying. The problem was insect resistance to DDT.

  8. did you fagots give each other foot massages after you finished bleaching each others hair

  9. Payeras says:

    I demand more back in the day pictures! Maybe some Montreal debauchery?

  10. kat says:

    i really really hate the fervour over ‘frankenfoods’ and GMOs in general.

    i’m in school for genetics. which i’m crossing with botany. that’s right fuckers, in a few years i’m going to help with the world’s food supply, hopefully. that or plant-based pharmaceuticals, but the pharma industry is another rant altogeether.

    what people don’t realize is that chemical fertilizers and pesticides created increased crop yields during the industrial revolution, and are what allowed us all to move off of the farms in the first place. yeah, they fuck up the environment, but without them wayyy more people are going to need to farm/much more farmland will be needed to support the current food demand, not even touching the points that gavin wrote about. escaping that, you need GMOs with increased crop yields to sustain further growth, ON TOP of the pesticide/fertilizer use that they claim we shouldn’t need what with the drive towards ‘organics’.

    don’t even get me started on ethanol. 1 kg of corn converts to 200 mL of ethanol with current production standards. that’s 5 kg for 1 L, and how many L of fuel do you think the average driver burns in a week? if you drive extremely minimally, let’s say 20L a week….that’s almost a hectare of corn, used, just for you. we needed the bulk of our corn cropland for FOOD already, and how many cars are driving around? sigh.

  11. yawn says:


  12. homeless says:

    It’s just another bag for these people. If you’re not using the bag to replace paper or plastic bags at the grocery store it’s purpose is lost. I would love to here them defend the idea that their new over-sized purse is helping the environment. phony baloney.

  13. usuckedasyoungguys says:

    uhmm ethanol is alcohol not corn ?

  14. Street Boning says:

    Birds > Africans for sure.

  15. totally dude says:

    george carlin agrees

    who cares if humans die I couldn’t give a shit unless I know or care about them and if thats the case tough fucking luck who the fuck cares about me and my stupid friends let the fucking kids, niggers, honkies, gooks, jews, fags, bitches die fuck us were just science enjoy yourself and then rot who cares?

  16. Payeras says:

    But on a policy note: In El Salvador, for example, the inflated price of tortillas is also a direct consequence of a unconscionable “free” trade agreement whereby Salvadoran farmers receive no subsidy for growing maize, while American agribusiness–which lobbied for ethanol with enthusiasm equal to that of those so concerned with fuel emissions–dumps their subsidized commodities on the nation’s market. The lack of either a subsidy or tariff has created a situation where El Salvador no longer grows its own food (which isn’t per se bad) because domestic producers have been pushed out of the market as a result of the prohibitively high fixed costs required AND the food imported from the north ultimately costs more because, having flooded the market, no substantial domestic competition can effectively undercut the current prices.

  17. Erotic Release says:

    Strawman hater hates strawmen.

    He thinks he has cred as an environmentalist for being a tree planter! What a silly bitch reading biased pop-science as his fucking bible. Go plant trees you dumb GRUNT and stop trying to agitate around things you don’t understand.

  18. Nocturnal Crucifixion says:

    money is murder

  19. Michael says:

    You spelled Borlaug wrong.

    God, I’m so lonely…

  20. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or something says:

    The above version of me is not me. In fact this person is a total dope. I would never spell faggot wrong.

  21. GREEN bay says:

    packers hat!!!!!

  22. You’re right. Of course everyone with more money or power than you is evil and ill informed and doing wrong. Don’t over simplify anymore, you’ve got it just right now.

  23. Wow you guys are dumb fucks says:

    Love the site, but wow. This little rant is so stunningly ignorant about basic facts about carbon emissions, energy policy, and immigration that it’s hard to even know where to begin. Suffice it to say that SUV’s are not “a tiny fraction of cars”; rising birthrates are not a problem for the environment. No serious earth scientist relates the two—whatever the fuck you think. Here’s the truth: The US consumes many multiples more energy, per capita, than any other country in the world, including ones where standard of living is high (such as Canada). The US has to lower it’s consumption, or, in 20 years when India and China are nearly as rich as we are (driving as many cars) the world will be fucked. You’re talking resource wars, droughts, etc. We therefore have to lead by example.

    Oh and ethanol? Anyone that even remotely follows the news knows that ethanol isn’t a “green” technology—that’s why environmentalists have dropped the cause. The problem isn’t anything to do what you talk about—it’s that ethanol comes from corn, which takes tons of gasoline to grow and cultivate, in the form of the machines used during the process. That’s why people are talking about solar and wind energy, and electric cars.


  24. Drippy Dog Dix is the new Vane$$a

  25. Wow you guys are dumb fucks says:

    I’ll also add: You’ve got a point with the silly marketing of “green.” But it’s not just a branding campaign for self-hating liberals. There are serious problems in the world. It’s not all just about poseurs and fakers, and who’s real enough to plant a tree and shit in a bucket. What a sad, small way to look at things.

  26. Spanky McTony says:

    The environmental bubble pisses me off.

    I dislike how easily distracted people are, focusing on carbon footprints, recycling, etceteras.

    Recycling is the “last R” and no one talks about Reducing or Reusing

    Carbon footprint is the most hypocritical thing the culture of convenience has ever invented.

  27. imyar says:

    fabulous post

  28. Erotic Release says:

    A few gems:

    Birth control pills are devastating the salmon population by turning the fish into hermaphrodites.


    “Hey, celebriGreen, did you know you’re racist?”
    I am not! I voted for Obama.
    “No, you are. Everything you do is basically a White Power move.”

    Tell that to Wangari Maathai, another “celebriGreen”. Except wait, she’s an african woman who’s won the nobel prize as founder of the greenbelt movement. Oh yeah, she spoke at COP12 in Nairobi and introduced an equally powerful mandate for adaptation to the effects of global warming into the kyoto protocol, when previously it was mainly about prevention. Poor, non-white populations are many of the most vulnerable to the first effects of global warming, Bangladesh, East Africa, etc… and she ensured there is now a multibillion dollar adaptation fund for their protection established through the GEF (global environmental facility) that facilitates massive green investment in the developing world.

    Like, when they go on about Al Gore and Global Warming and “going Green” and how there’s “way too many cars out there” and “there’s too many of us”

    What global warming debates are you in where people advocate population control? How the fuck would that make an immediate difference.

    Carbon taxes or cap and trade, green retrofits, new techs, conservation, distributed generation and cogeneration…read a bit.

  29. Erotic Release says:

    The whole lung disease as second greatest killer of Africans thing…

    That problem existed before dung burning was encouraged, many Africans cook with wood. It is the smoke from wood cook fires that is by far the leading contributor to these lung problems. Using dung doesn’t solve the cook fire smoke problem but it does prevent deforestation.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Ur doing it wrong rong. I love BG, and I just like to bust balls on those who spell gay, gei. Simple as that. You are so easy to bum out. You and choadzer should get together and continue not coming up with anything good to say back. I’m having fun.

  31. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or something says:

    See, here is a perfect opportunity for you to mock my inability to remember to write my lovely name.

  32. Erotic Release says:


    and about GMOs… we don’t need more food yeild to stop hunger. There’s never been a famine in a democratically governed country. We waste half the food that’s produced, with GMOs we’ll just waste more, and still not solve the distribution problem.

    “We should supply contraceptives to all those 180 million people in the developing world,” says Norman Myers of the World Wildlife Fund. “Population growth is directly involved in the pollution and degradation of our environment” ads Sierra Club head Carl Pope. “Well, excu-u-u-u-u-u-se me for breeding” replies the Third World.

    Actually, family planning isn’t racist and like in Kerala (A southern state in Inda actually governed by communists) it helps reduce strains on the developmental state and give a better standard of living. Condoms and getting girls in schools are two of the best things we could do for economic development in the third world, which will also happen to lower population growth, helping the environment. That’s not racist. It’s giving people, mainly girls, more freedom.

  33. andrew says:

    i wonder what that forest looks like now.

  34. STREET CLOUD says:

    i blame to catholic church for all the excessive breeding. the mexicans have been duped into thinking birth control is bad.

  35. carny says:

    beckles’ hair is so precious. bring back the bleach!

  36. Animal Man says:

    Wow, this is really stupid. It’s funny that you react to “green initiatives” getting popular in exactly the same way you reacted when Breakcore or whatever got big.

    Mexicans do need to stop breeding, especially in America. Africans, too. White people, too.

  37. son of STREET CLOUD says:

    i agree. that’s why they hate salmon… b/c they’re not hermaphrodites. mexicans love that shit. and although i agree that family planning is not racist, GMOs are not. it’s not about how it’s produced, it’s about where it’s produced. if africans can’t get our shit for regulatory reasons, let them grown their own frankenshit. see how many enjoy not dying by starvation. also, stop burning shit as fuel.

  38. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles = Vane$$a Jews Did WTC

  39. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or something says:


  40. Cap'n Glitterfuzz says:

    Great post!

    Though, I do think that you’re entertaining the “Green” ideals too much to successfully convey your message.

  41. JesseArg says:

    obv plastic bags are not THE systemic issue but yeah, over consumption is a huge problem and on a social scale. there is completely disproportionate focus on individual agency as opposed to corporate accountability. that’s not just an accident though. its the result of regressive framing by the right. money doggs.

    there is a link between reproductive justice and ecological justice and its not illuminated by “uh stop making birth control”

    you can have too many cars. thats the issue, not too many people. there ARE too many cas and the people who own cars are rich white people, those are the racists, people who think its anyone else’s responsibly but theirs to offset the carbon emitted from their countries. its weird you did mention the hypocrisy of joint implementation and clean development mechanisms. something i’m sure you could paint the creators and proponents for indiscriminately as environmentalist.

    this is not environmentalism as in a social change in ecological change. thats why progressive thinks have even suggested that environmentalism is dead. (google: “the death of environmentalism”)

    take ddt just one of a billion ecological disasters to come out of military technology thats devastating the fuck out africa. to look at the death increase in relation ddt with out looking at the deaths in the large context of oil industry, neo-liberal global free market policies, and war is retarded.

    this kind of logic is the product of the heritage foundation, cato institute and american enterprise institute. right wing think think who are the epic mind control factories inventing this kind of thinking.

    what i think you do touch on, albeit sort of tangentially, is the larger movement to exempt the first world from emission cuts by lightening the burden for large corporation like energy and oil companies. but still this isn’t “environmentalists” doing the real campaigning to have free market neo-liberal solutions put on the global policy agenda. its private interests, dudes that have serious profit motives to make emission curbing a joke: a responsibility for third world countries, a burden for consumers. thats whats up in euro with their carbon trading scheme, its just jacked up the cost of oil etc and left people just paying for energy co’s windfall profits. These are interests aligned with the administration over the last eight years and to call the bush administration environmentalists is absurd.

    again with the gmos. norman borlaug is who facilitated bringing large-scale monoculture, input-intensive farming to the entire world and decimated subsistence farming everywhere. gmos are just another step in farming techniques that reap bank for US agribusiness and agrichemical corporations like Monsanto and are driving a wedge in social equality in these 3rdW countries owing to uneven food distribution. why do you think we can get any vegetable all year round? there’s a huge movement of WTOs IMFs and world banks forcing a capitalist agenda of US corporations onto countries that have undergone land reform.

    i think this article is about nothing more than the duping of this retard by the conservative right’s empty rhetorical double speak. maybe just think about what fucking system these people are talking about sustaining when they talk about their new sustainable SUV.

  42. I didn’t know you guys were planters. Kapuskasing, eh? How many seasons did you do?

    pretty rad summer job. good ‘formative experiences’

  43. Monty says:

    You really need to stick to making fun of people’s pants and stop trying so hard to being a contrarian agitator.

    I know a guy who planted trees for a few summers. Now he sells charcoal sketches of Tupac and Bob marley outside the ACC after Raptors games.

  44. Rhiannon says:

    What the hell are you supposed to do huh?
    I don’t understand why so few people have figured out that ethanol is evil either-or why they’re still making it. Its a problem? Well shit shut down the plants! They’ve got no problem shutting it down for cheaper labour, might as well shut it down and move to the oil sector and make more money on that.

    I have a friend thats a tree planter!!! I was gonna do it but then I saw pictures of them killing a bear (aahhh Canadian North) and decided I couldnt take that shit. “Bending over for 80 cents a piece” that’s not alot of money for a cuntload of trees. and the most depressing landscape in the world.

    and There IS the problem of GM Crops that are manufactured to be say, drought resistant, and then theres COMPLETE crop failure that year cause it actually rained. and with all their eggs in one miracle basket the africans starve all over again. maybe we just need to drop our shit in there and let Africa sort itself out.

  45. av1 says:

    i like much of this argument, i nodded my head in agreement while i was reading most of this. there is a good amount of equivocating here for the haters to latch onto, esp the introductory bit about racism – lower class people (conveniently where most mexicans can be found) consume way less shit in total (especially because mexicans don’t golf) & it’s a pretty long jump to say that wishing suvs off the road means death to mexicans. doyyye if you will.

    however, there’s one point i don’t understand at all, gavin, which is your objection to supplying the developing world with contraceptives. i was under the impression that most people in developing countries would readily accept contraceptives if they had access to them? also, isn’t having fewer kids strongly correlated with higher socioeconomic status and, you know, greater survival. it seems to me like it would be a good thing to donate to the developing world, but this isn’t an issue i know a whole lot about. please respond or rebut, i’m curious as to what you have to say about this. thanks

  46. If I were a goy... says:

    This post is really dumb. I don’t have the patience to go through it all so I’m glad that people like Erotic Release and co. have gone out and pointed out the falsities. A few things about your methods of arguing, Gavin. First off, pointing out the whole “I’m neutral here because I planted trees” is a retarded way to gain cred in an environmental argument, without knowing your motivations. Nonetheless, I’m sure your motivations were monetary and not bound by ideology. Additionally, your whole motif in these posts are about finding one or two so-called experts who disagree with the norm, and them backing them blindly. You seem to want to criticize celebrities and rich people for their hypocrisy, which is all well and good, (by the way you are SUPER rich) but then you take it further and try to attack the movements and ideologies these diletattantes superficially embrace, without having the knowledge to do so. I’m surprised this website printed out. As for all your theories about development in Africa, you should read some Easterly before you go ahead and propose things that are wrong and make no sense whatsoever. As someone already pointed out, the problems in Africa are with the distribution method, not with the lack of actual food. Shit, Ethiopia is incredibly arable yet those fuckers starve all the time. Lastly, Corn Ethanol is a terrible idea. Beet sugar ethanol, good idea. And gm foods, really? Tell that to rice farmers in SEasia. Not a good idea.

  47. Fredo says:

    “As someone who’s planted hundreds of thousands of trees over the years and preached “Green” shit decades before that gay term was invented…”

    Germany’s Green Party first offered candidates for election in 1980, so you were planting trees in the 1950s?

  48. Margaret Sanger says:

    If I were a goy is, like most leftwingers, a total dumbass who has not even touched upon anything McGinnes said, but instead levels ad hominems and has discovered that Gavin’s root motivation for writing this is…wait for it…monetary. HA! I suppose he would have called McGinnes a racist (the unfounded insult of first resort for leftwingers everywhere) ‘cept he was beaten to the punch.

    Also, for you idiots who think “family planning” is (perish the thought!) not racist, please read anything i wrote or any half-assed biography about me. The only thing i like more than killing little babies is killing little black and mongolian ones. It’s no mere coincidence that the Eugenics movement found fertile (oops!) ground in the Progressive movement in America.

    Good article. More of this please.

  49. SHITCOCK says:








  50. genevieve says:

    all you rich rich rich poons in los angeles, jackson hole, st. thomas, baldhead island, sun valley, and dallas whom left america to go adopt children elsewhere, fuck you very much for not taking care of your poor community.

    we have to compensate for the mexicans and the africans and not have babies. then we have to take care of our community by adopting dirt poor appalachian kids cuz they can’t read and they think that the lord jesus christ is the son of god. ugh. it’s scary ’round these parts’.

  51. idk says:

    SAUCE PLZ. OK silent spring says DDT kills birds and you claim it doesn’t: where did you read that. Sources are needed for scholarly journals, and even if this is a blog on the internet go a step beyond + include some dang footnotes. How hard is that.
    I know you didn’t get this information off of wikipedia, so show off that you read an actual book or a journal article that was written by a person who went to school instead of planting trees in Northern Canada.

  52. Nelson says:

    Yes, Gavin is a contrarian agitator. That’s why you come to this site. Besides, there is the possibility he might have a point.

    If he has a point, it is this: there is a gulf between ‘symbolic’ solutions to the environment crisis and ‘actual’ solutions. Perhaps the people he is taking aim at here are the ones who are unable to distinguish between the two.

    It’s all fine and dandy to start recycling programs and everything, but really, for how long can you go on about “raising awareness” before you realise that it’s more about taking real, concrete steps in our day-to-day lives?

    Case in point: one return flight from Paris to Tokyo produces as much carbon dioxide as the average person in the Democratic Republic of the Congo does in a year. But you really wanted to see that concert, right? As much as the words people use SAY they want to help the environment, their actions are screaming: Burn it. Burn all of it.

    I see the allusion to inherent racism in environmentalism (besides being probably true) as pointing to a more general resources crisis that is looming. The dilemma is that, if left to itself, the USA’s birthrate would level off, and thus its overconsumption of resources could theoretically become manageable. However, American society as it is, TODAY, requires a surplus of unskilled workers (*cough*Immigration*cough*) to staff the lower rungs of the economy. Remember that book Freakonomics, the one that talked about how legalized abortion was the reason violent crime rates were falling? Well that’s also the reason you can’t order a hamburger without waiting 20 minutes or having it translated into Spanish. Change the language in question and you’ll describe basically any Western country. The rift deepens.

    Anyone else feel like a burger?

  53. If I were a goy... says:

    I’m not left wing, I’m a pragmatist. Anyone who classifies themselves as left or right is a moron in my book. Additionally, I said that his reasons for planting trees were monetary, not his reason for writing the article. Lastly, the idea that family planning is racist is retarded. I’m willing to bet you haven’t been anywhere in Africa or the third world, but shit is straight up ridiculous. Poverty stricken people having on average 6 or so kids. Preaching family practice to them isn’t racist, it’s practical. Leveling accusations of racism for people who preach birth control to third worlders is dumb. Classism you could possibly level with a straight face, but even that is dumb dumb dumb. Much like gavin’s stupid point about birth control. Sure, it sucks salmon are dying, but the effects of not using birth control would be much worth on the environment.

    Just read over the ethanol part, as well. Guess what? It wasn’t the environmentalists who drove up the price of corn, it was the agro-business giants like Monsanto, ADM, and carhill who insist on ethanol coming from corn because guess what, they grow corn. (they also ruin the third world further by insisting by driving food prices extremely low due to the bullshit subsidies they convince corrupt senators to give them, but that’s another story). If we used sugar like the Brazilians do in ethanol instead of corn, prices would still be fine.

    Gav, please, if you want to read a true contrarian who knows how to call people out on their bullshit, read Michael Maren’s “The Road to Hell” or anything Easterly has written, then get back to me.
    I’ll agree that environmentalists are whiny pussies, and self righteous celebrities need to be called out on their bullshit, but adding more bullshit to the pot just makes you look like an educated jackass. And calling anyone racist for being supportive of birth control smacks of laziness and stupidity. I’m willing to bet that not only did Gavvy start with his conclusions, then do the “research,” but he’s never really looked into or witnessed the situation or lives of the people who everyone wants to use birth control. Spend some time in east africa, then get back to me.

  54. motherfuck'n yeaah says:

    I didn’t really read this article but the angry tone resonated with my kneejerk hatred of Mexicans and tranny salmon. KEEP SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER VICE-LITE!

  55. J Cecil says:

    Question to the author: How exactly is it that ethanol “increases global warming and it destroys forests?”

    To “Wow you guys are dumb fucks”: Actually, Canadians consume the most energy per capita –

    “Between 1980 and 2005, total per capita consumption in the U.S. actually declined from 343 million BTU to 340.5, while Canada’s soared to 436.2 from 394.2 million.” (

    In some instances family planning is racist. Consider if you lived in a rural area and were trying to farm. If some NGO lackey told you that you could have only two children, how would you feel? Having children (particularly males) in such a setting would boost your farm output and perhaps seven children helping to work on the farm (in addition to getting an education) would move the whole family out of poverty.

    With a higher income the farmer’s children could move into better paying, non-labouring jobs, perhaps eventually challenging “green” or “hippie” types for jobs or business (it might take until the farmer’s grandchildren matured to accomplish this).

    A lot of problems would be solved by removing food tariffs and baning subsidies. Let’s have true free trade where all farmers sell their unsubsidised goods on a global market. With competitive advantage (imagine countries growing the food that their climates and soils were most efficient at) and genetically engineered crops the price of food would fall further. More people would move out of poverty. That would be a good thing.

  56. the right honourable poodge mastrami says:

    hahaha! treeplanting pictures! nice to see! i do agree—the people who complain the loudest about the environment are generally those who would never put in the hard work required to change things…

  57. Kennedy says:


    Sterilization(vasectomy or tubal ligation) should be free for ANYONE in the U.S. – with an added $1000 bonus(debit card or direct deposit).
    Think about it, it’s a win/win. Any baby born will, throughout the course of it’s life, use up more than $1000 in federal money. This bonus for responsible parenting will curb wild spending and reward people who choose not to breed.

    Plus, if any junkie(who doesn’t even have a social security number) can get a vasectomy for free(with a $1000 bonus) they will get them immediately for the cash.

    Presto! No more breeding shitty junkies!

  58. srsly says:

    derrick’s hydro-quebec jacket’s cool!

  59. sandy says:

    The Earth (and the presence of life thereon) has endured far worse plights than anything man could engineer. Sure, we can fuck our own shit up and destroy the environment as we now know it, but the Earth wouldn’t much care and life (of some form or another) will persevere.

    I’m pro-human. Environmentalism to me is (or should be) self-serving. We should preserve and conserve our environment because we need it.

  60. If I were a goy... says:

    Can we focus on the important things? That being, Gavin and Beckles were pretty much the epitome of don’ts during the only time it matters, your early twenties. Dang.

  61. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or something says:

    that wasn’t me that said it wasn’t me that said it wasn’t me…faget.

  62. sf says:


    Intellectually, you are a child. Take responsibility for your actions and act like a man.

  63. sf says:

    agree with the environmentalist hogwash, but you went too far. hope monsanto writes you a nice check for this.

  64. vyvanse says:

    gavin is such a fuckup, i swear.
    every time i read one of these ‘serious’ things it makes me cringe.

    blatant misinformation aside, your glaringly flawed ‘logic’ is pretty appalling.
    do you intentionally treat writing an article as an excercise in stream of conciousness?
    really, i’d like to know.

  65. Nat says:

    Best post ever! Tons of racist rich hippies abound, I live in Austin, I should know.

  66. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

    Keep it to your fucking self.

  67. youth movement queef says:

    Uh oh, sounds like somebody is a climate change denialist…sure Gavin’s argument might have some holes in it, but the haters mostly fail to point out the fact that many environmental fads (and that is what many of these environmental/green/etc drives are, that’s Gavin’s point) do disproportionate harm to the proles of the 3rd world. This comes in the form of starving by disease and starvation.
    The bourgeois (what a quaint term) typically avoids the backlash that comes with experiments involving the environment, shelling out a little bit of extra cash when they need to. All the rich have to do is buy up some indulgences, offsetting the sin of their massive carbon footprint.

    As of 2004, 45,000 people die of starvation or malnutrition-related diseases every day worldwide, according to the Center For Disease Control. That number only goes up as the global population increases. But guess what, you can’t make any argument, in a moral sense, with these fucking dogmatists. If a corporation *shudder* can profit from keeping people fed and improving the incredibly bleak outlook of millions of people, then its actions must be evil. And I find it laughable that one of the above posters bemoans the fact that you can get vegetables year round (because of all those evil scientist professors). Fuck me! Vegetables available year round? What the fuck are we coming to?

    Oh yeah, and for all the anti-globalization peeps…would you have the masses starve to death in Africa? Just so that a sweatshop could never see one measly fucking cent? Because that’s how you come across. Globalization allows for capital to flow into nations that are basically medieval. And don’t blame the corporations for the piss-poor leadership in 3rd world countries. That just smacks of a really pathetic attempt at Leninism.

  68. This exact rant passed through my mind when faced with an SUV mom with an oversized leather purse in one had and a black “This bag is green” bag in the other. The wierd part was that the tree planting twins photos were there as well.

    I’ve had this thing go on at work with fat asses talking about how they’re really into recycling as they chuck 6 empty cans into the blue box in the lounge. I always think to myself “Why are you drinking so much fucking Diet Pepsi? To save the planet by throwing those cans in the blue box. Big Ass Asshole!”

    These people are the fucking problem that they are pretending to be in favour of solving.

    I first heard the term carbon footprint in an article about Richie Hawtin. He was going on about his global lifestyle and his concerns over airtravel. God dammit I fucking hate that guy.

    I fucking hate Richie Hawtin!!!

    Please do an article Calling Bullshit on Emperor’s clothes Douche Bag Sponsor Whore No Talent White man stealing Black music Bald Pretender Glasses Posing Hawtin.

    But yeah I got your point there with the article. For anyone overly concerned with the details and facts there wasn’t exactly footnotes or a references section.


  69. youth movement queef says:

    globalization ftw

  70. Fredo says:

    “Oh yeah, and for all the anti-globalization peeps…would you have the masses starve to death in Africa? ”


    Otherwise, if you’re so concerned, let them sleep on your couch.

  71. ars says:

    once again, gavin impresses his right wing opinion on the world by preaching powerlessness and poking holes in a supposed left wing agenda. as if his anti-nihilist postscript is supposed to redeem all the problem posing/solution-less jargon above.

    and even assuming this manifesto of environmental defeatism is true, how about you present some sources (eg footnotes) instead of barking your opinions at your supposed constituency? instead of reeling off “facts” and “numbers” with nothing to back them up?

    gavin, you obviously have no respect for your readers. which begs the question, why direct such LONG tirades at them?

  72. if i were a goy... says:

    I think we can all agree that globalization has a lot of positive consequences, but it also has a ton of negative consequences so spare me that Thomas Friedman crap. It’s been proven time and time again that globalization has only a marginal influence on the most poverty stricken denizens of the third world and that it creates a much larger gap between the rich and the poor. The gap between the filthy rich and the filthy poor has never been greater. There’s also a tremendous increase in transatlantic organized crime that has come with globalization, as documented by Misha Glenny in “McMafia.” . Globalization is a lot like democracy or free-market capitalism, it’s great in theory, but when implemented and applied in the third world creates a shit-ton of negative consequences (Amy Chua’s World On Fire is a great place to start).

  73. huff says:

    haha you care about something, loser.

  74. france. yes. says:

    dont listen to these douchebags gavin you are right on the money with this one. fuck all of you.

  75. Li says:

    Is Beckles the only black man in all of history to go tree planting in Northern Canada?

  76. eatafish says:

    This is what happens with libertarianism. You come up with your own type of awesome and it just makes sense.

  77. maurice del taco says:

    another vicious piece, but at this point it’s expected, sir

  78. The Boss says:

    Looks like a few people are going to be sad all day after reading this.

    “Saying whatever makes my rich daddy mad”


  79. WOW! says:


    Most boring post AND comments of all time!
    Truly unreadable!

  80. Taeil says:

    I disagree with the article’s point about DDT but I pretty much agree with everything else in the article.

    There’s something contrary about Gavin’s point how environmentalists are assholes for killing people. But isn’t curbing human population an awesome thing for mother earth?

    When it comes down to it, environmentalists do not want to admit their real agenda is to end human life and to shit on quality of life for that matter.

    But I really do not care about environmentalists and all that shit because I’m never gonna have a kid and we are all gonna die anyway. It’s funny because I’m all about capitalism, military might, and punk rock. I even have to admit I’m a pretty weird guy. What am I a nihilistic nationalist?

  81. Harvey K-Tel says:

    … and then you showed up and changed it all around.

    “# WOW! Says:
    12.15.08 at 4:46 pm


    Most boring post AND comments of all time!
    Truly unreadable!”

  82. clap shitty says:

    What is the difference between a faux environmentalist rebelling against her rich father simply because it makes him mad and Gavin’s rebelling against the Williamsburg liberals whom he seems to believe represent the entirety of the world’s progressive/liberal agenda simply because his contrarianism makes them mad?

    This reminds me of something Ian Svenonius once said. Everyone in America likes to portray himself as a rebel individualist, totally fucking up the system — even Rush Limbaugh. He would have us believe that he is reporting under constant duress, only a few steps ahead of the powerful, jackbooted liberal thugs who could at any moment break down the door of his tiny pirate radio station. And it’s the same with Gavin. Only in his wild flights of fancy can such a shameless paean to and plea for increased corporate power be viewed as taking a courageous stand.

  83. pants says:

    maybe if you actually included sources your argument would rise above the level of something stoned 15 year old zeitgeist fans would put in their facebook statuses..

    but no, backing up outrageous for the sake of being outrageous claims (which attract more viewers, more web traffic, more ad revenue) isnt anti-whatever its trendy to be against this week enough..

    oh and maybe write the words fuck, cunt, and cum more next time.. it will make novice readers think you’re edgy and distract even more that what youre arguing is BS, proved with A+A=B, so of course B must equal Q! logic..

  84. pants says:

    “STREET CARNAGE is also a live presentation you can have in your town where Gavin shows a Street Boners “Best Of” and Derrick shows his latest TV Carnage endeavors.

    STREET CARNAGE will eventually be compiled into a huge book which will feature hundreds of pages of Street Boners as well as a DVD of TV Carnage.

    STREET CARNAGE needs controversial, borderline racist, non-logical articles to bring hipsters in, but will never reach the popularity VICE did..

  85. clap shitty says:

    you’re logic is so skewed here, I’m not even sure where to begin. how about instead of reacting with flawed cynicism, you just do the world a favor, sign off the computer and return to planting trees with your grungy friends. at least those black gnats there are attracted to your shallow tirade.

    z from dc

  86. Spock says:

    doesn’t matter who’s right: people who take the time to write long impassioned blog-rebuttal posts are fucking annoying.

  87. turdle says:

    @ Spock

    Your opinion on blog rebuttal posts is fascinating. Please expand.

  88. gv says:

    yes, any change whatsoever is racist. instead we should stop using birth control. what kind of insane reductionist argument is that? When did this website become a space for totally unmitigated rant? I’m done reading this crap, and its not because im a prius driving holier-than-thou liberal, although i’m sure everyone will say that. It’s because I think arguments should make sense. And no, writing about something in some obscure magazine does not “prove” anything.

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