As someone who’s planted hundreds of thousands of trees over the years and preached “Green” shit decades before that gay term was invented, I can’t help but be skeptical of this latest insurgence of the trend (wait, “trend”?
As someone who’s planted hundreds of thousands of trees over the years and preached “Green” shit decades before that gay term was invented, I can’t help but be skeptical of this latest insurgence of the trend (wait, “trend”? Don’t these people get that “trends” are the environment’s kryptonite? For example, when Finding Nemo came out, kids became obsessed with getting their own and it devastated the clown fish population which then had dozens of other domino effects for that whole ecosystem).
Are these new celeb hippies really in it for the long haul? Plastic bags? That’s your beef? They probably represent 1% of landfills and now you’re running around with a reusable hemp bag that says, “Use Me – Again and Again. I love it.”
Environmentalism is a nerdy pursuit that involves numbers and dirty fingers and other boring shit. To see celebrities and New Yorkers scream about it smells rottener than all of Denmark. What’s their real agenda? I suspect it’s the usual Lefty agenda which is: Being a snob and telling the lower classes how to live their lives. Or, more specifically: Saying whatever makes my rich daddy mad.
It’s pretty easy to expose these people as phonies. All you have to do is throw out a litmus test like, “Do they still care when it becomes uncool?” Can they still hang if it sounds, um, sexist? Birth control pills are devastating the salmon population by turning the fish into hermaphrodites. Nobody in the new green movement will go near this topic because to criticize birth control is to get into pro-life and rich dads are pro-life. When Curt Cunningham, the water quality chairman for the Rocky Mountain Chapter of Sierra Club International was confronted about his inability to touch the subject, his only excuse was, “I suspect people would not take to kindly to it.” What a fucking pussy.
You don’t have to choose sexism. Choose anything. “Hey, celebriGreen, did you know you’re racist?”
I am not! I voted for Obama.
“No, you are. Everything you do is basically a White Power move.”
Here’s an article I wrote for Death & Taxes that proves it…
When racists, real racists, go off on a tirade it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. They’re just so shameless and oblivious about it all, you find yourself thinking, “Can this guy hear himself?”
Like, when they go on about Al Gore and Global Warming and “going Green” and how there’s “way too many cars out there” and “there’s too many of us” you find yourself cringing and PRAYING there’s no Mexicans in the room. I mean, surely these bourgeois hippies know it’s primarily Mexicans who are behind the population surge in the U.S.
Citizen population has remained the same or gone down since 1970 but 100% of the population boom (commonly referred to as “the wedge”) comes from immigrants (almost exclusively Mexican).
They know you can’t have too many cars without too many people but they can’t say “Stop breeding you fucking wetbacks!” so they just get mad at the cars. When the Greeners take it to a “global community” level, the ethnic bashing gets even worse.
“We should supply contraceptives to all those 180 million people in the developing world,” says Norman Myers of the World Wildlife Fund. “Population growth is directly involved in the pollution and degradation of our environment” ads Sierra Club head Carl Pope. “Well, excu-u-u-u-u-u-se me for breeding” replies the Third World. Environmentalists pretend they only hate gas-guzzling SUVs and other rich, American white people cars but these only account for a tiny fraction of the cars out there. The mathematical truth of it all is impossible to deny: To say “there’s too many cars in America” is the same as saying, “There’s too many Mexicans in America” and to say, “There’s too many cars in the world” is to say “There’s too many non-whites in the world.” Sounds like most tree huggers would like to see Africa, Asia and South America just quietly sink into the sea.
They kind of already tried. After reading a badly researched book called Silent Spring that said the bug spray DDT kills birds (it doesn’t), environmentalists decided the chemical must be eradicated. Eventually, this ban became a worldwide phenomenon and the Third World was prevented from using the greatest mosquito-killer ever made, this led to millions of deaths. The tiny South African province of KwaZulu Natal for example, went from about 50 deaths a year before the ban, to almost 500 the following year. The director general of health services for Uganda called the DDT ban “contemporary colonialism” after watching 50,000 Ugandan children die of malaria there in 2005. It’s an epidemic that has spread across the entire continent and these black cadavers have the Green movement to thank. Environmentalists got called out for this a few years ago but, instead of letting the relatively harmless DDT go free and save African lives, they came up with a new plan: nets. That’s right, nets. “Nothing But Nets” is an organization who’s mantra “send a net save A life” seems to laugh in the face of the numbers and bask in the part where their Band-Aid solution can’t even come close to saving the lives DDT would.
It isn’t just bugs environmentalists enjoy killing Africans with. They also enjoy murdering them with that weird prank where you leave a paper bag of burning excrement in front of someone’s house and anonymously ring the doorbell. The British Department of International Development is pushing a program called “Development by Dung” wherein Africans are encouraged to “not follow the same failed patterns of energy use” and use manure instead of diesel to power their communities. With all due respect to dung, it sucks shit. Lung damage is now second only to diarrhea as a child killer in Africa and it comes from inhaling poo. Aseshi University’s Kofi Bentil has begged the First World elites to take it easy on all this emission fascism and let the Dark Continent use real fuel. “Please, Europe and America, spare us!” he recently pleaded, “You can cut your own emissions if you want, but don’t tell us what to do. We really have much more serious and urgent threats to deal with.” All Africa wants is the luxury to use a coal-fired power plant to give them one fucking light bulb and possibly, a microwave in their homes. Start them with that and they could get healthy, then educated, then organized, then wealthy, then independent, then MAYBE worry about solar panels and organic soy. “Nope” say the environmentalists, “Stick to shit.”
They don’t even want Africans to eat. In 1970 Norman
Borlog Borlaug won the Nobel Peace Prize for coming up with genetically engineered food. He has lived in the Third World for decades and his work has saved an estimated one billion lives. However, white-upper-middle-class-American-health-nuts-in-organic-cotton-pants call his corn “Frankenfood” and insist we all go back to chemical-free farming. All of us. Even Africa. Borlaug did the math and tried to explain to the greenies that:
A- Genetically engineered food is not bad for you.
B- No, you’re wrong. We don’t inject animal genes into corn. We look at, say, fish genes, and try to figure out how they work but you can’t make Fishcorn. Stop calling it Frankenfood. Especially when you’re talking to Third World politicians who want to make you happy.
C- Organic farming sounds great if you live on Venice Beach and only eat raw food (what a luxury!) but even if your plan could be executed, it would only feed 4 billion of us. That’s 2.6 billion short of the world population.
The environmentalist response was, “Fuck you Borlaug.” Subsequently, in October of 2002, Zambia had a huge donation of genetically modified food slapped out of their hands when the president was told it was “poison.” The country responded by starving. Hippies must have danced with glee when they saw the numbers of black bodies pile up to the sky but this was only the beginning. Latin America has a good 40 million poor people that could do with some suffering.
Not only does the enviro-dogma of “Stop using so much stuff” equal “Enough with the immigrant babies in America please,” environmentalists’ love of bio fuels says, “Fuck the Mexicans in Mexico too.” By pushing everyone from gas to ethanol, they have jacked up the price of corn so high Beaners can’t afford their own tortillas. In 2005, a kilo of tortillas in Mexico cost 63 cents a pound. Today, thanks to the demand for corn as fuel, the price is over two dollars. Try telling a poor person their grocery bills are going to triple overnight. Sucks right? Look, they’re crying! For the first time in Latin American history, Ramen noodles are overtaking tortillas as the region’s most “popular” food (this sounds like a joke but I’m serious).
Ethanol is a great way for actors in California to feel better about driving their cars but it makes brown people starve and it increases global warming and it destroys forests and it inflates food prices globally. Only an elitist racist would tell the Third World the best way to power an engine is to burn food. Even in America this new demand has raised the price of everything, 50% in some cases (livestock eats corn, and it all trickles down from there). When customers at Whole Foods on 14th St in Manhattan were confronted with this huge hike in food costs, most responded with, “I can take it.” These are the same people, by the way, who insist on banning trans fats and have forced the Third World to switch from supplying them partially hydrogenated vegetable oil to the much less cholesterol-y palm oil. This meant dedicating the rain forests in places like Borneo with trans-fat-free farms that displace all the aboriginals there, and the wild orangutans, and the Sumatran rhinoceroses, and the pygmy elephants. It’s a move that the World Bank recently described as “A species extinction spasm of planetary proportions.” You’d think these hippies would be satisfied with fucking all blacks and browns in the ass but that still leaves a billion Asians who are just asking for it.
Though Bush is blamed for leaving China out of the Kyoto treaty, the truth is Gore and Clinton just sat on it until their term was up and it was George’s problem. This still hasn’t prevented environmentalists from taking out a few million Asians. Chinese people love pork more than Mexicans love tortillas. Shit, they love it more than starving Africans love eating genetically engineered food. Unfortunately, ethanol fanaticism has jacked the world price of corn so high, not even pigs can eat. That means, in 2007 the price for live pigs went up a whopping 71%. And that means poor Chinese starve.
All of Asia is feeling this pinch. Even Indonesians, who are way too Muslim to give a shit about pork, had a riot in Jakarta back in January because biodiesel had jacked the prices of soybeans through the roof and nobody could afford to eat shit (actually, that’s the one thing they could afford to eat but Africa had used it all to heat their mud huts).
So, environmentalists want Africans to starve, they want Mexicans to stop breeding, and they want all of Asia to do both… Can we not go back to Nazi skinheads — or even Nazis for that matter? All the former did was fuck up a few shopkeepers and though the latter killed 6 million people, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to the carnage that is the environmentalist movement.
Now, it’s possible Al Gore’s fans are just naïve kids with their hearts in the right place but, I don’t know, I planted about 150,000 trees from 1990 to 1995 and the only people I remember in the forest working 60 hours a week were: African exchange students, Native Americans, working class locals, and a few broke students that never talked about the environment once. Once again, the ones screaming, “Keep it real” the loudest are the ones the most full of shit (metaphorically of course, the ones literally the most full of shit here would be the Africans, unfortunately).
This was a lot of tattoos ago.
You know labor is hard when it turns a fat guy into this. PS: Those are dead black flies on my stomach. The bugs are so bad, the only way to fight them is to cover yourself with Mazola Oil and let them drown on you. By the end of the day, you are burnt to a crisp and covered in so many dead bugs it looks like you’re wearing full body fishnet stockings.
Please excuse the outfits. These were the grunge years.
Derrick was thrilled to find a chapter of his favorite men’s club all the way up in Northern Canada.
The rural North has some pretty awesome thrift stores.
Derrick got a tattoo on his forehead.
This was an MIT professor who lost his mind up there. His personality split into, get this: The Nietzschean Ubermensch (AKA the Original Superman) and his arch enemy Snuggles the dog. Snuggles had a picture of Moses in his doghouse and the Ubermensch was always trying to kill him. John wrote a rock opera about it. He also got fired for planting the word JOHN in trees over about 3 square miles. He said it was a message to God.
Unloading one of thousands of boxes of trees.