The night before Hallow’s is a big fucking deal to us. I guess because it’s the only holiday where humor, esoteric pop culture, and fashion, collide. We hope against hope you ladies have been thinking about your costume for months now and are capable of going outside the Sexy ____ box.
Gavin and his wife as the Newlydeads
The night before Hallow’s is a big fucking deal to us. I guess because it’s the only holiday where humor, esoteric pop culture, and fashion collide. We hope against hope you ladies have been thinking about your costume for months now and are capable of going outside the Sexy ____ box. We’re going to a gay church in the middle of nowhere for a secret party called “Night of a Thousand Jacksons” and we assume you will be going to an event equally well thought out. If not, you have 24 hours to plan the shit out of something and then go somewhere retarded with your friends to fuck shit up. If you’re not smart enough to think of something what about …
–Goth chick who works at Starbucks at the mall. You dress Goth with a Starbucks uniform and then stick cat ears on your head at the last second and say, “They made me dress up.” Your boyfriend could be the manager of the Hot Topic next door who sweats you.
This is Johnny and his friend’s idea.
–A woman dressing up as a man. This one’s only funny for men to do. Your suit has to be way too form-fitting and your beard has to look totally fake. You need to carry a cigar around and say shit like, “Hey guys. What a great game last night. You wanna go look at some tits?” And then laugh with a fake deep voice. Wear flats.
–Sexy mace. This and Sexy Toast are about the only kind of Sexy Costumes a girl can do without being lame. You make a big cylindrical thing of pepper spray and then cut leg holes where you have your hot fishnets and high heels come out of. Same with the toast. Sexy ___ is only good when it’s not sexy at all.
Anyfarts, send us detailed pics of your costume, the making of, and what it looked like at the party and we’ll send the best one $100 and a t-shirt and some other shit.
BE WARNED: It has occurred to us that you’ll just get some kooky costume off Flickr — so we will have a fact-checking team verify the living shit out of every story. Liars will be caught and hanged (for a person you say “hanged” — “hung” is for inanimate objects).
From previous years …
Jeff WAS scary til we noticed the Mets medallion.
Meryl as Timothy T
Meryl giving birth to herself
Lesley as Anne Frank
Judi as Linda Blair (at the back)
Judi as Annabelle Lotus
Sarah as Sexy Man (This is not the same as a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man)
This guy was that weird Chinese lady who comes into 2A selling DVDs.
Gavin and his wife as crusties.
Lesley and Scott as Jeremy Scott’s muse and Gerard Depardieu
Judi just chose this because it made her ass look good
Got any other ideas? Remember, it’s going to be mad packed that night so 90% of what people see will be above the shoulders. Don’t spend too much time on your shoes and socks and don’t choose a costume that isn’t immediately facially obvious.
What are you going to be?