I just remembered another one: bar fights. When a fight would break out in a bar, I’d usually laugh and pull out my phone to film it. Now I scream and run out the back door. I’m precious cargo.
Same with riding my motorbike. I used to drive like a madman because it would make the girl on the back horny (I honestly believe that vibrating chair is better at picking up chicks than all the coke in Colombia). Since having kids, I never drive my bike more than 50MPH. Cars are constantly piling up behind me and I will occasionally indicate with my arm outstretched before pulling over to let them pass. Killing yourself doesn’t seem like a big deal when you only have a mom and a dad. When you ARE a dad, dying means ruining half a dozen lives. That is simply not on. Here are 37 other reasons having kids turns you into a complete fag.