Posted by
Jim Goad
• 11.25.12 08:08 pm



My favorite email correspondent on Earth, “Jared,” AKA “Head-Injury Boy,” has returned with a missive that is by turns amusing, threatening, and entirely incoherent.

Hi Jim Goad, this is [Jared], who had that Traumatic Brain Injury a while ago and who’s parents and uncle you spoke with on the phone…

I just wanted to say that while playing the iPhone game Words With Friends I used the word “GOAD” for a pretty good amount of points (against my Mom…)

I’ve found wonderful things with Human Growth Hormone, and now I use Piracetam and Choline to help aid my brain… (I know you’ve had brain trouble too…)

Jim I thought you were going to speak at Old Home Day instead of just a guy announcing what you’ve done, so I only took a few lines of notes with the man’s speech

I know you want the church-crowd to be aware of your achievement, and I really do want to write this piece.

But I really thought you were going to speak, like you were going to add additional words like a sermon, and I can write something of as long as you want, but here’s the notes I took…

37-degrees outside , 2:00 pm
He said, “Very excited, very honored”
Police Dept. and Fire
25 years with church (WOW JIM !!! ) and Fire Chaplain since 2000
Went to WTC
Announcer says “We couldn’t have picked a more deserving individual”

Jim so I guess I need to “interview” you a little more BECAUSE THE GUY DIDN’T SAY MUCH… AND I WAS EXPECTING YOU TO GET ON MIC…

We can talk over the phone about exactly how long you want it to be and exactly what you want in there because, well, Jim, I do this for you since you are totally definitely a fantastic guy !!!

By the way, stop telling ****** ****** what to do with my friends and my Facebook !!!

I KNOW HE’S TRYING TO SEND ME TO HELL !!!

I DIDN’T SCREW WITH HIS KIDS, I PROMISE !!!

I JUST MADE IT UP TO MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE A TOOL !!!

THAT’S ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps- I’m the guy who’s had a Traumatic Brain Injury, and I’ve just turned 30, being happy with a GF who has one too !!!

 

—JIM GOAD (with help from Jared the Head-Injury Boy)

 


Comments
  1. Columbo says:

    This guy is fucked in the head!!!

  2. Hornblower's Ghost says:

    Don’t ever stop these Jim, they’re gold!

  3. Javier says:

    …entirely incoherent?? To who? Just you right Jim?

  4. Uncle Wah Wah says:

    I hope she gives him head. That would be soooooo ironic.


Leave A Reply