Posted by
Jesse Andrew
• 07.13.12 01:00 am


I used to get my dick sucked all the time.

Anyone who’s experienced this knows it’s a very glorious lifestyle. It’s like being a rock star or someone on TV. You’re always in a good mood and the sun never shines brighter. Your mindset is just better. IHow bad of a day can you possibly have if at some point your dick was in a warm wet mouth until blowing your load? Women who truly enjoy sucking their boyfriend’s dicks are the bee’s knees! Remember when little Miho pulled Dwight from the tar pit in Sin City? She was an angel, a saint, she was Mother Teresa – she’s God. This is exactly how I feel about women and blow jobs. I miss them. It’s just so fucking hard to say goodbye to yesterday! Now I finally understand that Boys II Men song.

I need your help!

Please.

I can’t seem to make my girlfriend understand how important blowjobs are in a relationship. Women will do shit they hate in order to make their man happy, so why is my girlfriend so stubborn? It’s killing me. My dick is dying.

This is where you come in. What must I do to make my girlfriend understand? How can I inspire her to want my stiff dick in her mouth? That’s my dick, my soul, my everything, the one & only thing that can give her a baby. How can she not want to suck the living fuck out of it?!

I need your ideas, suggestions, whatever, before it’s too late and I get some kind of rotten dickhole infection from a street whore. Men must have their dicks sucked! I’m down to try anything at this point.

 

—JESSE ANDREW

 


Comments
  1. kittikat says:

    NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO DON’T ASK OR EVEN WORSE BEG FOR IT!

  2. Eft says:

    Try washing it so it doesn’t smell and going down on her first. Other wise, maybe you’re just not as hot shit as you used to be and you’re dating an actual adult woman who has her own shit to do than worry about sucking you off. I had gf’s who liked doing it because it was a control thing… maybe your girlfriend doesn’t get off on the control aspect of it?
    For me, it gets boring after a while.

  3. Dr. Pip says:

    “If you do anything over and over again for 20 years, you’re going to be really good at it. Most teenage boys know this.”

    -Greg Gutfield

  4. pfft says:

    maybe your dick is small and gross. That’s why I didn’t like sucking my ex boyfriends dick. Otherwise, I enjoy it.

  5. yeaur says:

    cook her food. good food.

  6. Dump her. There’s plenty more load swallowing fish in the sea. Drop your line elsewhere.

  7. tommy gun says:

    are you serous? grab her by her hair and make her do the shit. if she really won’t then dude, unless he is some heiress or something, bounce. fucking bounce. my girl right now is a head montster and your right the fucking day just zings by like the sun just dropped molly

  8. tommy gun says:

    she is some heiress

  9. fuck all these hoes says:

    i just realized i reduce the possibility of breast cancer in the world

  10. Lady friend says:

    69

  11. kuntz says:

    roofies

  12. Jim says:

    82

  13. George Elliot says:

    Isn’t this the same girl you were just telling us all has the tightest pussy, etc., ever, and you were afraid you were going to break it with your massive schlong? (a fact rendered quite suspect by your simultaneous fixation on anal, which everyone knows guys with big dicks rarely get). Out of curiosity, if she’s pleasing you so much with her awesome tight pussy, would the blowjobs be in lieu of intercourse, or in addition to intercourse? And if you expect it in addition to intercourse, what kind of orgasm ratio are you keeping with her? Is it 1:1?

    Otherwise, Lady friend is right – just initiate more 69.

  14. YOLO says:

    I have to agree with George Elliot. What do you have to say for yourself Mr.Andrew?

  15. kat says:

    Seriously, just wash it properly. I used to suck off my ex way more often than my current dude, even though my ex was shitty and I’ll probably marry this guy…..because my ex didn’t smell like ammonia down there.

    I kind of don’t have the heart to tell him though. Sometimes I suggest showering together, then I scrub down his junk properly myself, then do it…maybe he’ll connect the dots, maybe I should just tell him.


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