Posted by
John Pittsley
• 12.11.17 06:03 pm

Screen Shot 2017-12-11 at 1.42.42 PM

Being a detective has got to be an insanely fun job. You get to carry a gun, put bad guys away for doing stupid shit, and you get all the crazy details of murder mysteries before anyone else. The only problem would be continuing to give a shit about your job.

It sucks enough as it is showing up to work every day and pretending to give a shit about what you’re doing at a normal job. Can you imagine how hard it must be for detectives? I’m sure it’s fun as fuck and interesting as shit at first but after a while it probably loses its mystique.

Those guys have to put up with so much bullshit. It’s not just the usual annoying crap cops have to deal with on a regular basis, detectives are on a pretty rigid time constraint. Apparently, their chances of solving a case is cut in half if they don’t make a break in it within the first 48 hours. That’s insane. When I show up to work I like to say What’s Up to everyone first, maybe grab a coffee, go out for cigarette, then I get down to business. These guys have to get right to work and actually get something done, too. Or else they only have a fifty percent chance of finishing the job. That would drive me insane. Not just the getting right to work thing, that sort of makes sense when you’re dealing with murderers, but how unlikely you are to finish the job if you don’t get anything accomplished right away.

It’s pretty hard keeping people on track at work some times. Most of the people I work with, including myself, will say “dude, fuck it. We’ll do it tomorrow” whenever it looks like a task is going to be especially difficult or take too long. If we knew we only had a fifty percent chance of getting the job done after a certain amount of time, we’d flip a coin to decide whether or not we were going to do it in the first place. Especially if we had to deal with all the assholes detectives deal with when they’re trying to get their shit done.

Everyone has to put up with assholes at their job, no matter what they do. If they didn’t have to deal with some type of shit head annoying the living piss out of them then it wouldn’t be work. They’d basically be getting paid for doing some stupid hobby of theirs and then they’d be living the dream. Detectives have to put up with a special type of shit head, though. It’s not just some annoying cunt in the office telling them to their job a different way or some inept retard who’s work they always end up doing. Although I’m sure that happens too. These guys are constantly working with dickheads who are purposely trying to make their jobs impossible to accomplish.

Almost every single person they bring in for questioning is a possible suspect and lying through their teeth. That’s like being at a new job and getting trained by three different people who are all telling you to do the same thing differently. I wouldn’t be surprised if detectives don’t even listen to the people they bring in for questioning and just focus on who looks the most nervous. That would only be if they didn’t have any hard evidence in the first place and were struggling for a lead. It’s not just the pieces of shit they’re trying to put away, though. Detectives have to deal with all the sad little fags begging them for answers, too.

Doing a good job can be a serious pain in the ass when you have someone breathing down your neck the whole time. It’s hard enough as it is trying to check Instagram or twitter when you’re on the clock and have an overzealous boss giving suggestions and asking questions. Can you imagine what it would be like if that person was sobbing and showing you pictures of their dead child on top of all that? That shit must be so depressing. I’d have a hard time not hanging myself after telling a mother “Look. I’m sorry but we flipped a coin and there’s just no chance of us solving who murdered your son.”

Cops are already underappreciated enough in this country but at least they get some attention and recognition. Detectives are practically invisible, except for the fake ones in movies and TV shows. I think it’s about time we start giving them a bit more credit for the job they do, no matter what the quality is.

-JOHN PITTSLEY


Comments
  1. asddfd says:

    “I think it’s about time we start giving them a bit more credit for the job they do, no matter what the quality is.”

    Nah, quality matters.

  2. TerryEggSandwich says:

    “But Jones is not the first woman to accuse Gavin’s best friend Terry Richardson of sexual harassment or assault. Model Jamie Peck has accused Richardson of asking her to touch his penis during a photoshoot in 2010, and Anna del Gaizo has claimed the photographer repeatedly pressed his penis into the side of her face during a photoshoot in 2014.

    In response to these claims, Richardson has since been banned from working with Condé Nast, and Elle, a Hearst Publication, canceled a cover shot by Richardson. He was also recently dropped by Valentino.”

    ==

    ““My wife and I have a Terry every Sunday,” says his friend Gavin McInnes, co-founder of Vice. “English muffin, mayonnaise, avocado, Cheddar, tomato, salt, and pepper. My wife says: ‘Do you want a Terry?’”

    ==

    Hey Gavin, you want “a Terry”? It’s not an egg sandwich, it’s a photographer raping you.

    OR you could hang with Dov from American Apparell and force women to watch you pleasure yourself.

    OR you could pressure some models into sex to get a spot in a VICE issue.

    How are you different from Harvey Weinstein again, Gavin? Dangling show-biz jobs for sex, same thing Harvey did. And you admitted it, in print.

  3. AvocadoCheddarPepperAndSalt says:

    “McInnes says: “We’ve always used [VICE] magazine as a way to get laid, especially Vice Girls [a ‘girl of the month’ feature].”

    “McInnes also writes that they were both attracted to the same woman, whom they cavalierly called a “slut from Malta.” He says, “We just kept repeating, ‘Must . . . have . . . her.’ We set up this Vice Girl shoot . . . Shane and I took to f - - king her regularly in a porn booth and at the office.”

    McInnes adds in one creepy chapter that he and Smith tried to have sex with the woman at the same time, saying, “Shane’s stroking her hair going, ‘It’s OK, it’s OK.’ ” (Women all around the world respond: “Actually, it probably isn’t OK.”)

    Trying to justify the tawdry tome, McInnes told [Page Six] that all sexual acts were consensual ”

    Gavin, Louis CK said his acts were “consensual”, too. But they weren’t, neither were yours so quit selling that BS no one is buying it. There was a power imblanace that you were exploiting with these wannabe models (and the interns, too). None of these women wanted to sleep with you, just like none of them wanted to sleep with Terry Richardson or Harvey Weinstein.

  4. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    @TerryEggSandwich

    Terry didn’t rape anybody. Several models slutted it up with him and then later regretted it.

  5. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    @AvocadoCheddarPepperAndSalt

    This story sounds like a woman consentually trading sex for exposure and a chance to get ahead in the modelling world. Very typical of the “fairer sex”.

  6. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    @Gharl

    More people should use racial slurs, my nigga. All races and ethnic groups should separate themselves from each other, leave each other alone (with the exceptions of trade & commerce) and freely use all the racial slurs they wish to use.

  7. botbot says:

    I cannot think of a situation where the police have been useful to me or anyone in my family going two generations back. Cops and detectives are pretty much useless. They just steal your money for their ridiculous pensions.

    Stuff gets stolen and they never ever help you get it back. Minus the cops, them that needs shooting would get shot. And the thefts would stop. We already know who is stealing stuff. This doesn’t call for some overpaid asshole. Detecting and policing is simply not a full time job. Communities can handle this on a volunteer basis, no problem.

  8. Mike Hammered says:

    Actually… us detectives don’t really give a shit. We just drink a lot.

  9. Emily's Stupid Husband says:

    Time to shut this thing down- whaddya think?

  10. Refined, Gentlemanly Ooga Booga says:

    NO! Pittsley is a voice for these times! Do not take his platform, because, God can only imagine where else he would have a forum!

  11. The Anti-OogaBooga says:

    It’s over OogaBooga.

  12. Emily's Stupid Husband says:

    Gavin- How many times are you gonna let your wife fuck the Brooklyn Nets???? Emily seen coming out of Demarre Carroll’s apartment building 7AM yesterday morning. What a fucking CUCK!!!!

  13. Ooger says:

    Ha Ha! Cuck! Steve Bannon fucking hates you!

  14. Jeffy Sessions says:

    Oooof- THAT’S EMBARRASSING- The Nets of all teams too…..

  15. Opie Hughes says:

    Hey, since this site is dead and our careers are all in the shitter, lets go over to Anthony’s mom’s basement, errrrrr, his production studio and hang out like in the old days. Look at pictures of Raymie’s tits….

  16. Fats says:

    Gavin- you know what that salty taste is when you kiss Emily, right?

  17. Lighting up in the auditorium says:

    you mentioned “say hi to everyone, have a cigarette”. on the topic why the fuck do i live in park slope, vancouver, toronto , alabama, l.a. etc etc etc etc etc. i personally am a big traveller, so i know all over the world they are very lax towards smoking laws. which makes me think who the fuck does america think they are, with all of this lame go outside bullshit(power hungry much-control freak much)what you have to understand is you are cutting down trees like no tomorrow, you are telling us what the fuck to eat all the time . who fucking cares i agree eating shitty foods is not necessarily a good thing and being overweight leaves you susceptible to heart disease and strokes. fair enough so ill eat my mcd’s on the weekend and leave it at that. But have you fucking lost your mind instead of giving us the option to find a smoking starbucks or a non smoking starbucks, its fuck you and you can’t even smoke in parks, what is my second hand smoke, from whree im sitting on a lovely day by myself with no around-going to offend god. you are a bunch of fucking loser control freak. you know what i do and i have no choice i buy my fucking venti or whatever the fuck its called(SMALL MEDIMU LARGE fag) and i find a spot on the grass in front of the fucking starbucks and smoke my cigarettes there. i saw some bullshit person on the view saying “well i lost my grandfather and my father to lung cancer so i’d hate to see someone go through that, let me break it down for you like this, me as a n american live in a country that sells cigarettes so therefore this is the only way i can interpret this, they would have to stop selling them, and we would have to all look like the putz and his gas mask vaporizer machine(LUNatic Much)fucking vaporizers are you fucking kidding me. so you are not your grandfather nor your father and a s a human being you have a choice to smoke or not to smoke, and you don’t have to alter the facts about smoking to adapt to your power hungry u s bullshit. be cool about it. you want tos moke in my house….sure no problem brother,ill get you an ashtray. fUCKING LAME WRITTEN ALL OVER IT FUCK OU AMERICA

  18. Lighting up in the auditorium says:

    fact 111111111111111111111111yes you can smoke indoors all over the world. dont fucking spin that

  19. The REAL Ooga Booga says:

    Ah, so sad to see the site is gone. So let’s all sing a happy little tune together from The Sound of Music! All the children one by one , leaving the stage, to be hustled out of Austria before Hitler’s conservative neo-Nazi Trump supporters gather them up for slaves! Ooh, sorry, Old Ooga gets a little emotional now that we have an orange white devil as president. So, let’s all sing this song as the last post on Street Carnage and then I can wait until Kennedy comes on Fox Business tonight and jack off to a homely white woman until I falls tosleep. Come on, everybody!!!
    .
    .
    .
    .

    -All children-
    There’s a sad sort of clanging
    From the clock in the hall
    And the bells in the steeple, too
    And up in the nursery
    An absurd little bird
    Is popping out to say coo-coo
    (Coo-coo, coo-coo)
    -Brigitta, Gretel, Marta- -Fredrick, Leisel, Kurt, Louisa-
    coo-coo Regretfully they tell us
    coo-coo But firmly they compel us
    coo-coo To say goodbye
    -All-
    To you
    -Children-
    So long, farewell
    Auf wiedersehen, goodnight
    -Marta-
    I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
    -Children-
    So long, farewell
    auf Wiedersehen, adieu
    -Fredrick-
    Adieu, adieu
    To you and you and you
    -Children-
    So long, farewell
    Au revoir, auf Wiedersehen
    -Leisel-
    I’d like to stay
    And taste my first champagne
    (talking to the captain) yes?
    -Captain- no!

    -Children-
    So long, farewell
    auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
    -Kurt-
    I leave and heave
    A sigh and say goodbye
    Goodbye
    -Brigitta-
    I’m glad to go
    I cannot tell a lie
    -Louisa-
    I flit, I float
    I fleetly flee, I fly
    -Gretel-
    The sun has gone
    To bed and so must I
    -Children-
    So long, farewell
    auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
    Goodbye
    Goodbye
    Goodbye
    -Guests-
    Goodbye

  20. gmail login says:

    Do not take his platform, because, God can only imagine where else he would have a forum!

  21. Anthony Cumia, Blog Star says:

    Pitts and Gavin can come over to my mom’s basement, errrrrrrrrrrrrr, production studio. Really, ALL of you can come over. Oh, God, I have nothing going on anymore….

  22. gutty says:

    NOOOOOOO- Don’t shut it down. I want to hear more about Emily getting piped by men in their 20’s! What’s the latest @Emily’s Stupid Husband? She can’t stop now! CUCK! CUCK! CUCK! CUCK! Tiny Canadian dick!!!!

  23. Jeff Sessions IV says:

    Trump hates alcohol in a very un-fun way (he’d rather have an over-cooked steak with ketchup and a Diet Coke on a Saturday night)- you love Makers and Bud. Jef Sessions is on a tear about drugs. You back white executives doing coke as par of their Type A, always-on lifestyle. You’ve picked the wrong horse, Canucky.

  24. Waskior says:

    Will there be a formal end to this site or is this it?

  25. 💩 says:

    Like an incontinent distended wrecked rectum, “this is the Pitts last post” will leak indefinitely, attracting blog flys by its rotting stench……as this is it……

  26. The REAL 💩 says:

    ^
    That is not the REAL me. Someone has stolen my identity.


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