Posted by
• 08.31.12 06:36 am

French kissing a bum is easy. It only takes $1,700. Letting him but his gross penis in your ass is another story entirely. At first glance, you think there is no price but what if the fee was big enough to change the world? Okay, now work backwards from there.


Personally, I think $10 million is fair. With that money, I could support my family AND create a fund that could ostensibly lead to thousands of new jobs. In that scenario, I’d be selfish not to allow the rape.

What’s your price?


  1. Hornblower's Ghost says:

    How is it rape if you’re letting it happen for monetary compensation? Calling it rape and thinking about what you can do with the money won’t ever get you over the cognitive dissonance that you willingly sold your ass for a homeless dude to maraud. Also you’re not Magic Johnson, that ten million isn’t getting you the secret cure for shit that you’re gonna catch.

  2. The Internet says:

    11 Million. Just to make the guy lower than me seem slutty.

  3. duh says:

    The real question is would you rather receive a blowjob from a bum or give him a handjob? Most dudes will say receive the beej first, but that’s actually way more gay, because it requires you to be more present in the scene (you have to cum.)

  4. J says:

    Hey Gavin let me ask you this: Would you do it for the Ten Million now that you are rich already??? Or is the Ten Million amount just for people that arent rich at the time of the rape??

  5. the capitalist says:

    I started a fund that led to thousands of new jobs. Its a sweatshop in mexico that converts the fur of kittens and puppies into AK 47s that only kill homosexuals.

  6. Anal Adventurer says:

    The built up crust of smegma would act like a condom. I say do it!

  7. Anonymous says:

    it would’ve been more intriguing if you’d asked a guy who was actually in dire straits financially. ya know, one who was about to lose his home and didn’t have enough money to take his kids to the doctor.

    but, sure, it’s still kind of intriguing to hear someone like you toy with the idea. the guy who takes his fucking jeans to a tailor.

  8. nononymous says:

    kris kristofferson!

  9. Joseph Allen says:

    How it could be “rape” if you agree to the deal?
    You’d simply have to agree that in exchange for… one BILLION dollars, no taxes, and nobody ever knows, you will go about your life, day after day, knowing that somewhere down the line a massive, cracked out, former world-class Greco-Roman wrestler who’s down on his luck will one day leap from the bushes and destroy your bung.
    No weapons allowed, but if you kick his ass, you still get the money.
    Wait, two billion. Or maybe I’m content with my present wages.

  10. Gavin says:

    This price is more what the average American should charge if he made say, $45k a year and lived in middle America.

  11. Rep. Akin says:

    @Joseph Allen. Obviously, this is not a “legitimate rape”.

  12. Joseph Allen says:

    @ Rep. Akin: Therefore, very unlikely to produce a fecal Golem.

  13. Anonymous says:

    “This price is more what the average American should charge if he made say, $45k a year and lived in middle America.”

    there ya go. that sentence could only be written by the kind of guy who takes his fucking jeans to a tailor. he’s like mitt romney, w/booze bloat and sagging tats.

  14. harriet armpits says:

    Trigger warning disclaimers

  15. Mohammed Abdullah says:

    I’d let him rape me just so’s I could see all you filthy faggots in hell

  16. boz says:

    This is like something straight out of Nathan Barley.

  17. Billy says:

    $25 and a pack of Cheetos.

  18. matt says:

    i’d make out with a bum for $400

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