Posted by
Kyria Abrahams
• 05.04.12 11:00 am

Is the fact you only had a mere 18 months to love your new baby before it was diagnosed as terminally ill getting you down? Would you like to feel that pain even deeper, but you’re not into self-cutting or heroin?

Stop waiting! Now there’s a way to make the imminent death of your sick baby even worse than it has to be! Make a list of all the things it won’t be doing when it dies and put it on the Internet! Like this:

"My name is Avery Lynn Canahuati, I’m almost 5 months old. But before I die, there’s a few things I’d like to accomplish…this is my bucket list and my story."

Oh. OK. I didn’t know people got this far without being stopped by friends and family first. But this is fine, too. I was looking for something heartrendingly morbid today and this more than fits the bill. I’ll just send this copy of Requiem for a Dream back to Netflix and settle down in front of a terminally ill baby’s blog instead.

The blog is called "Avery Can." That’s an especially fun name because Avery is dead. Died like four days ago. Oh yes! Meanwhile, her blog goes on without her, and painstakingly chronicles all the things that live babies can do which dead babies cannot do. Dead babies like Avery. Who, I may have mentioned, is dead.

This bucket list contains heartwarming and not-at-all-depressing dreams such as "Paint a picture for my mommy & daddy," "Be potty trained," "Lose my first tooth," and my personal favorite list item: "Sit up."

Dead baby? What dead baby? Busy updating the blog, honey!

Thanks to her very, very, extremely, insanely goddamn loving parents, Avery had quite the jam-packed little life. To her, the world was nothing but 24-7 Shetland pony rides, tiaras at breakfast, and throwing the first pitch at every ballgame. Not a bad way to live. They couldn’t keep that up for 18 years. Hell, maybe we’d all do well to die at a year and half. I wouldn’t have seen Spain, but I also wouldn’t have been assaulted by my ex-boyfriend. Tradeoff?

(Thought for the day: Dying before the age of two is the only way to live.)

There is no right way to grieve the loss of a child, and we all handle trauma in our own way. For example, some people respond by making handprint molds and getting a Hello Kitty tattoo: 


Meanwhile, others are just fucking used to it by now:

Hey, that’s a dying baby INSIDE a bucket! Is that the original baby bucket list? Does that mother have a blog? No? How about malaria? Everyone in Africa has malaria and no one has a blog? Gotchy!
Actually, it turns out that this baby in Chad has a bucket list too (although the blog is on Geocities, poor Africa!). Look:
Admire a broken bicycle
When is UNICEF coming to feed us?
Bednets! Bednets! Bednets!
Play soccer with a ball made from rubber bands and bloody cloth
Meet Mia Farrow
Avoid IEDs!
Attend a school with toilets
What’s a computer?
Ride in a bucket

The world is a frightening place. Sometimes (i.e., all the fucking time) things do die. Even babies. Even babies that we LIKED! Mostly, this happens in Africa, but once in a great while it even happens to white people in Texas. And that is when it’s time to take action!

Although it’s not possible to make a blog for every baby who is dying at this very second (there’s a shitload million of ’em!), let’s take a moment of silence to at least consider the acutely malnourished babies sitting in buckets in the Sahel region of Africa today.

Then, do nothing. There’s nothing you can do. Sometimes, shit just dies. Go get lunch.




  1. Claudia says:

    Are they kidding. Who does this? That is depressing. I have lost a newborn, and the grieving process took time. But life goes on. I had things to do, and life does go on. Bucket lists I thought were for living people to do. A little weird I say.

  2. Anonymous says:

    i thoroughly enjoyed this

  3. Josh Dorn says:

    The loss of life is surely felt more by the parents than by the 18 month old baby. Of course it feeels nothing now, but even when it was alive I doubt it had much sense of self. That’s just a projection of the parents. To paraphrase Celine Dion “Once more, you opened the door
    And you’re here in my blog, and my blog will go on and on.”
    Hilarious article!

  4. the man says:

    “it’s never a good time to sniff glue until now” skull front

  5. Anonymous says:

    That’s obviously the parents way of coping,and who the hell are you to judge them on it?if u don’t like their blog dnt bloody read it!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Youre a fucking horrible person, Kyria. End of story. I have lost 2 children and coping/grieving a child is the worst fucking thing you could ever go though. Despite how awful of a person you are, I wouldn’t even wish this experience on your ignorant, mean soul.
    This is a mean post.. you should be completely ashamed of yourself. It’s not funny or entertaining.. it has no point other than to be love-less, soul-less and fucking awful.

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