Posted by
• 04.01.11 01:57 pm

This seems to be going mad viral. One thing worth noting about this guide is I am not even 1% kidding about any of it. This is all true and it all happened.

This seems to be going mad fucking viral. One thing worth noting about this guide is I am not even 1% kidding about any of it. This is all true and it all happened.

The YouTube version is longer because it includes a section on Sleep Pissing that Vans didn’t want (jump to 5:26).

The FunnyOrDie version is the same as the YouTube one but the funny rating is inaccurately low. Please rectumfy that immediately.


  1. Chumo says:

    Some good ones in there. Another good one for crowded places and if you have a car just pop the hood and do the botanical examiner, except say car stuff, like “hmmmmmmmmmm” and “okay” everything else is the same.

  2. Free Willy-Nilly says:

    college boy knows five ways to piss on his white boating shoes but he doesn’t know shit about cars. no wonder he bought a Land Rover, even a Dacia is more reliable.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Gavin has never once made me laugh. why do i keep subjecting myself to this crap?

  4. Christi Bradox says:

    The bed pissing was the best. Why’d they cut that shit? Idiots.

  5. John Hoe says:

    How do I pinch a loaf in public?

  6. JüCIFER says:

    Ahhhh, makes me think of a Descendents song…

  7. dragler says:

    John Hoe- use the force

  8. blaahus poopus says:

    how do i pinch a loaf in public?
    stuff it under your coat and run real fast.
    arf arf arf

  9. fizzzz says:

    didnt he already do this one a while back?

  10. Anonymous says:

    Funny shit!

  11. Sharky says:

    Before the skill set was perfected, our roving reporter accidentally pissed on some girl’s leg in Austin who was on a date with her boyfriend. Indoors. He’s come a long way.

  12. Shomov says:

    Peeing on the street is easy. Before cell phones, my father taught me how to pee while yelling into a pay phone. The other night I managed to piss not once, but twice, on a crowded, well lighted bus while standing about five feet from the driver. The only a minor glitch – the second time I ended up standing in a puddle of my own piss for about 45 minutes, which was a little embarrassing. So, I can use an instructional video on how to piss on a crowded bus while standing.

  13. Sooper Jeenyus says:

    “Gavin’s whole shtick is to be a jackass and rationalize it in a very intellectual manner”

    thanks for the keen insight

  14. yikes says:

    I think this is the laugh-out-loud funniest thing you’ve done.

  15. Dalemarktel says:

    Staple of mine in college: While standing at a busy bar whip it out and piss on the bar while ordering a drink. Never got caught once.

  16. Sooper Jeenyus says:

    hey taeil did you notice i actually gave an unsarcastic compliment to The Fool today for his brilliant anti-condom screed? Black swan event (no movie-go).

    While i’m feeling TGIF expansive, I really should assert to the first Anonymous (comment #3)that Gavin has actually done at least one truly hilarious vid:

    As for these Vans and Teva vids, I think if there was like super sketchy random chaotic endings, like in this one for instance at the end Gavin’s calmly performing one last piss and a fish truck creams him or a pit bull runs up and grabs his weiner and runs down the street with it while the camerawork goes dizzy running after him following the blood trail and then goes black with just Gavin screaming and swearing out of a black screen for the last three seconds.

    {…stay thirsty, my friend}.

  17. That Little Kelly Kid says:

    I make it a point of always going in the strett because …

    ” Ain’t Gonna Pee Pee My Bed ToNIGHT ”

  18. chillah says:

    can you see to it that pissing in public: ladie’s versh is produced? thx

  19. skeeter says:

    if you watch it on youtube and put that 1911 feature on for the last minute when he’s pissing in the bed, it will make you piss your bed

  20. Taeil says:

    @Snooper, the fact your use of sarcasm marks is fucking lame goes to show how much you’re not funny.

    @skeeter, you are absolutely correct about that “1911” feature.

  21. Sooper Jeenyus says:

    Taeil I will go tongue to tongue with you at the Korean Bell in San Pedro at high noon tomorrrow (yes homo)

  22. Needy says:

    vans cut out all the bad parts. good job fellas.

  23. Dude says:

    That’s funny.

    No sarcasm marks.

  24. WhoreDervz says:

    It was funny the way he looked at the black woman at 41 seconds in.

  25. megi says:

    I wonder if these negative gaylords at this hateful website will ever….and i mean fucking ever let me post one fucking comment without getting CENSORED!!!!Here goes nothing!!BTW.My sharp sighted exacting brilliance makes you homosexualists cower in the mere exalted presents of my undiminished luminosity.Quit Tricking Us Please!

  26. smut says:

    gavin has foreskin

  27. i jerkoff for the endorphins not the sex says:

    The only reason you’d need this advice is a) you drink a lot of beer and/or b) you’re over 40 and have to urinate every half hour because you drank a thimble of water that day.

    This was good though. Nice job making the funny build. I was LOL’ing by #5.


    it’s because you’re cussing in your comments.

  28. jennifer aniston says:

    nymag with two comments MAD FUCKIN VIRAL

  29. luke says:

    Why do people think they censor comments here? Sometimes it takes a minute for my comments to go up, and I’m pretty sure they aren’t censoring my usual happy time friendly compliments for everyone.

  30. n says:

    quit fuckin with me nigga!

  31. Joseph says:

    @ jennifer aniston
    Pretty sure 320,207 hits is considered viral.

  32. kaylaser says:

    gavin mcinnes is a fucking sell out.

    – @kaylaser

  33. Jim Goad says:

    @”Why do people think they censor comments here?”

    The site is set up in WordPress, and there is a small list of flagged words. One of those words is the name of that “V” magazine Gavin founded. Another is a word starting with “W” that’s used to designate a female spouse. Another is a plural word that starts with “K” and is used to describe one’s children. The “N” word is also flagged. So as long as one doesn’t attack his spouse and children, nor gratuitously mention his old magazine, nor use that filthy bastardization of “Negro,” everything usually goes up immediately. I haven’t known them to ever censor anything otherwise. But when someone whines that they’re being censored, it’s almost always because they’ve used one of the flagged words.

  34. Frankly Mr. Stankly says:

    I got censored once for saying something about some Street Boner’s pussy smell (it was a bad thing). Maybe she was a friend of the “W”.

  35. Gavin says:

    Gratuitously insulting women or talking about their bodies when it’s meant to be a satirical fashion column is also usually trashed. Guys talk about a woman’s eyeballs or her cheekbones or what her ankles look like. It’s a downer.

  36. […] co-founder of Vice Magazine‘s pissing is sponsored by Vans, who are apparently opening the field for a new extreme sport: professional urination. Now all […]

  37. wtf says:

    Holy shit, Vans really paid you to piss your pants. That is pretty fucking rad. When i’m 52 I hope to get paid to piss my pants.

  38. (not published or required) says:

    im not watching this for the simple fact that it is ‘Action Sports Industry’ marketing and i have had enough of that godforsaken wasteland of human endeavour to last me five lifetimes.
    other than that i support things of this nature.
    both stances being things not even one person in the entire universe gives a crap about including myself.
    i also have five minutes to spare before my flatmate gets out of the shower.

  39. homeless says:

    Urine control of your own destiny!

  40. homeless says:

    I performed the Piss Cup Hand Off la few summers ago at a Tom Petty concert. while standing in the crowd fill a cup up with piss and then while you pretend to take off your jacket or something ask a friend “Hold this please”.

  41. Danne C says:

    lol’d at wtf

  42. Brock Samson says:

    Didn’t you do this joke already?

  43. kure kure takora says:

    Bed pissing part was the best part!

  44. Anonymous says:

    Can someone please link the video he did with Tracy from Jezebel?

  45. […] articals: Frequency – HOW TO PISS IN PUBLIC (director’s cut) StreetBonersAndTVCarnage – HOW TO PISS IN PUBLIC HypebBeast – How to Piss in Public […]

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