IF all goes as planned and my January business trip isn’t canceled, I would like to buy and enjoy marijuana legally in Colorado.
Here are my issues:
I started by Googling, obviously, but I keep getting shit like this.
Then I went to craigslist Denver. If you search for marijuana, apart from going on an FBI list, you’ll see a whole bunch of listings but they’re still all medical:
I guess these guys are still scared that Obama is going to send in the National Guard? Talk about paranoid. (Holy shit though, $150 an ounce?? In college it was $400.)
OK, so before I go off to Colorado, I’d also like to understand this particular industry development: When I was a kid we had two kinds of pot: Mex and Kindbud.
Mex was dirty brown shit which we would pick the seeds out of, smoke in a joint, and get a headache from.
Kindbud was green with crystals and fur. You would smoke it from a bong, listen to Tortoise, and proceed to solve the world’s problems with the greatest of ease.
I’m aware that this is no longer the case. These days, there are billions of “strains” and “Indicas” and “Sativas”—and I understand that these variations can even target different effects. So with no time for trial and error, is there anyone out there who can tell me which product variant would best achieve the following goals:
1. I would like to be awake and clear-headed
2. I would like to stay smart and funny, not dumb and comatose—it’s not opium, right? Why would anyone want a “body high?”
3. I would like to be able to extra-enjoy music
4. I would like to jerk off and have a very strong orgasm
5. I would like to get hungry as a Somalian and then eat food and have it taste like white healing Jesus
6. I would like to watch Fawlty Towers and fall into a deep, non-headachy sleep.
With that as your diagnostic criteria, which would you recommend as be the best weed for me?
Now, back to acquisition: With the lack of current information available online, I’d really like to hear from some savvy Colorado resident who has, in the last week, observed the right way to do this:
Am I just supposed to walk into one of these medical dispensaries and wink at them because the proposition passed so I no longer need a medical card but it’s all still on the DL while they sort out the legal sitch? If so, that kinda sucks and I may cancel my trip. That’s just not what I’m out to do.
I would LIKE to walk into a local tobacco merchant or wine shop, proudly purchase a gram of “White Widow,” and smoke it out of a brown paper bag while walking freely down the street.
Please tell me if that’s doable. Again, I am NOT looking to walk around and wink at the natives and nervously be on a mission to score an eighth; I can do that in New York.