Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 11.14.12 11:00 am

Can you geniuses help?

IF all goes as planned and my January business trip isn’t canceled, I would like to buy and enjoy marijuana legally in Colorado.

Here are my issues:

  • Where to buy it
  • How much it costs
  • What kind to get
  • Where best to enjoy it
  • If I get drug-tested back in NYC, is its regional legality an excuse?

I started by Googling, obviously, but I keep getting shit like this.

Then I went to craigslist Denver. If you search for marijuana, apart from going on an FBI list, you’ll see a whole bunch of listings but they’re still all medical:

I guess these guys are still scared that Obama is going to send in the National Guard? Talk about paranoid. (Holy shit though, $150 an ounce?? In college it was $400.)

I’d still prefer not.

OK, so before I go off to Colorado, I’d also like to understand this particular industry development: When I was a kid we had two kinds of pot: Mex and Kindbud.

Mex was dirty brown shit which we would pick the seeds out of, smoke in a joint, and get a headache from.

Kindbud was green with crystals and fur. You would smoke it from a bong, listen to Tortoise, and proceed to solve the world’s problems with the greatest of ease.

I’m aware that this is no longer the case. These days, there are billions of “strains” and “Indicas” and “Sativas”—and I understand that these variations can even target different effects. So with no time for trial and error, is there anyone out there who can tell me which product variant would best achieve the following goals:

1. I would like to be awake and clear-headed
2. I would like to stay smart and funny, not dumb and comatose—it’s not opium, right? Why would anyone want a “body high?”
3. I would like to be able to extra-enjoy music
4. I would like to jerk off and have a very strong orgasm
5. I would like to get hungry as a Somalian and then eat food and have it taste like white healing Jesus
6. I would like to watch Fawlty Towers and fall into a deep, non-headachy sleep.

With that as your diagnostic criteria, which would you recommend as be the best weed for me?

Now, back to acquisition: With the lack of current information available online, I’d really like to hear from some savvy Colorado resident who has, in the last week, observed the right way to do this:

Am I just supposed to walk into one of these medical dispensaries and wink at them because the proposition passed so I no longer need a medical card but it’s all still on the DL while they sort out the legal sitch? If so, that kinda sucks and I may cancel my trip. That’s just not what I’m out to do.

I would LIKE to walk into a local tobacco merchant or wine shop, proudly purchase a gram of “White Widow,” and smoke it out of a brown paper bag while walking freely down the street.

Please tell me if that’s doable. Again, I am NOT looking to walk around and wink at the natives and nervously be on a mission to score an eighth; I can do that in New York.


  1. Sniffy says:

    You need to smoke sativa during the day and indica at night.

  2. sweet moves bro says:

    you need a colorado drivers license and address dummy. also, ask for some jack herrer, its the strain youre looking for. stupid

  3. Runswithfarts says:

    The state government isn’t going to start licensing the liquor store style shops until the beginning of 2014 and who knows if that’s even going to happen. Your best bet is to find someone you know who knows somebody that has a card. Anything from a med shop in Denver will satisfy your list of requirements.

  4. zbow says:

    niggas be havin’ dem vacuum lungs

  5. Alex says:

    You can browse through strains here:

    I recommend a sativa for goals 1-6; Sour Diesel, for instance.

  6. Lorin says:

    Even with a state ID you cannot walk into a store and buy weed anywhere in CO. The capitol hill district of Denver has people smoking in the middle of the sidewalk, so there will be no winking required. Beware of edibles, as they are so strong you may as well take mushrooms.

  7. Yup says:

    Hahahaha Lorin, ftw

  8. senor tetris says:

    holla at me on twitter ben..i gotu

  9. esseff says:

    im pretty sure you need to be a CO resident, and even if you have a card from another state -licenses/prescriptions are not universal. so you’d have to have someone buy it for you “legally” and then they could sell it to you “illegally.”

  10. O.G. says:

    relax….is it really that hard to score in NYC? I am not sure about CO. It will probably be pretty easy though. Even if the legalities are not all in place by then. As far as strains, sativa will give you the high you want. Stony but not comatose.

    I can tell you for sure that regional legality is NOT an excuse in court. In California, folks have been fired for testing positive even with legal medical MJ recommendations. It depends on how hard ass the employer wants to be, some (so I hear) are enlightened and will accept Medical MJ.

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