If Jimi Hendrix hadn’t choked to death on his own vomit in 1970, he would have turned 70 this past Tuesday.
Even though I’m a racist, I give credit where it’s due, and there will never be another guitarist remotely as innovative as he was. He was so good, I can partially forgive him for the way he spelled “Jimmy.”
Now that I’ve gotten the giving-him-props part out of the way, I’ve taken to wondering what he’d be doing if he was still alive. I suggest the following:
1) He’d try playing the guitar with his teeth, but his dentures would get stuck on the strings and pop out of his mouth.
2) He’d try setting his guitar on fire and accidentally set himself on fire.
3) He’d puncture his colostomy bag while trying to use his whammy bar.
4) He’d do a meandering psychedelic instrumental called “Third Kidney Stone From the Sun.”
5) He’d be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for literally trying to kiss the sky.
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