Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 05.10.10 12:00 pm


As a skeptical guy, I’m generally uncomfortable with the description of any phenomenon as “unexplainable” — when something seems to “defy science,” my thought is that it probably does, and is therefore impossible.


Actual photo of what will come out of your ass.

As a skeptical guy, I’m generally uncomfortable with the description of any phenomenon as “unexplainable” — when something seems to “defy science,” my thought is that it probably does, and is therefore impossible.

I’ll confess to having a low tolerance for people who don’t share my view on this: They’re generally religious nuts, conspiracy theorists, and other peddlers of hocus-pocus ramblings who are either brainwashed or intentionally full of shit.

I have a particular distaste for religious tales — not necessarily because of the far-fetched nature of their “supernatural” details, but more because of their general function in our society: Human beings construct and utilize these stories to manipulate other people, to get them to act for personal or organizational gain, even up to and including inciting violence against their fellow man.

As a New Yorker and a Jew, I’ll also admit to harboring some unfashionable opinions about Islam as a particularly deft manipulator of these kinds of tales. Case in point: the supposed 72 virgins who were to be waiting for the 9/11 hijackers upon successful completion of their mission.

It’s all the more difficult for me, because of these personal tendencies, to come to terms with the extra-ordinary ramifications of Sheik Mos’ad Anwar’s recent account of “Toothpick.”

If you haven’t yet seen the evidence or read the transcript, take a minute to watch it yourself while keeping an open mind:

Now, I might be more at ease in writing-off the Sheikh’s (certainly outrageous) claims, if it wasn’t for a couple of key factors:

1. He has references: At 00:16 of the video, Mos’ad Anwar points out that in “Al-Bidaya wa’l-Nihaya,” one of the most authoritative sources on Islamic history, Sunni scholar Ibn Khelekan mentions the identical story on pages 72 and 263 (see Volume 13).

2. He cites multiple third-party sources: At 00:23 of the account, Sheikh Anwar refers to Volume 5 of “Sahib Shazarat Al Zahab” (page 457), which contains a second corroboration of the Sheik’s assertions.

3. In contrast to Christianity, where a “moderate” class is virtually non-existent, Muslim culture tends to entertain a broader spectrum of opposing viewpoints. Therefore, if this story was manufactured, we’d see a greater likelihood of condemnation or ridicule from the global community of Muslims, who are historically quick to condemn the actions of any community member that acts to bastardize the peaceful tenets of their core religion.

4. From a biological perspective, while anal impregnation via toothpick is clearly an impossibility, it’s statistically congruous that the resulting gestation period of such an occurrence would have a duration identical to that of traditional human pregnancy (see 01:24, re: “Nine months then passed” ).

Taking a step back, let’s posit that this event is actually what it appears to be: an unexplainable supernatural occurrence that has “no” scientific explanation. Now, does that mean I’m running off to go join a mosque? No, I didn’t say it did — and by the way, that’s not what Sheikh Anwar would WANT me to do. Islam isn’t “pushy” and it provides mechanisms of tolerance for my own familial traditions and ethno-religious background.

I’m not running off to join a mosque, but it IS difficult to reconcile this event with my worldview of science and the universe. While I try to be Spock-like in my logical proceedings, such an anomaly is especially troublesome, as the base prerequisite to a life of logic is a clean slate of consistency. This account, I fear, is an egg yoke landing smack in the middle of that god*mn slate.

While I won’t presume to tell anyone on this planet what to do, for my life and for those of my family and children, this is enough of an eye-opener to at least warrant some reflection.

Frankly, a pit in my stomach is causing me to pause and consider the pretenses under which I’ve lead my first few decades in this fleeting world.

In the end, I still feel as though I’m safe: Part of being human is the ability to learn from your mistakes. I may be guilty of mocking religion in the past, but I think a pretty good defense to a deity capable of this kind of supernatural power (should it ever get this far) is that for the first 35 years of my life, the deity had never revealed His work to me personally. Was I just to believe the word of one random zealot over another?

If it ever does “go to court,” so to speak, I could say in complete honesty that once proof of the deity’s power was revealed to me personally, I changed my ways. Only an unreasonable god would punish someone for that.

-BENJAMIN LEO

Follow Benjamin’s tweets on @Street_Carnage.


Comments
  1. Zippy says:

    I heard that the legend of the jackalope from out west was that a lonely young cowboy runs across a scared little antelope…. but this thing is downright disturbing. Maybe a lonely bedouin meets up with a frisky young camel???? Ewwww.

  2. lair says:

    AAAHHHHHH ha ha ha this fucking religion

  3. Pee says:

    This guy sounds like a fucking clown.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Your a fucking idiot. His so called references are completely circular. He is a common psycopathic terrorist and your an asshole for even giving him a soapbox.

  5. OOO says:

    Gerbiling

  6. YOU'RE wrong says:

    at least get YOUR usage of “you’re” correct, anon

  7. Red Meat says:

    WHEN DID ALLAH GET SO FUCKING FUNNY? THAT’S THE KIND OF SHIT I’D DIE IF I WAS A GOD.

  8. Dragler says:

    this would almost have been funny in the aftermath of 9/11. now it’s entirely beside the point

  9. Julia Child Prodigy says:

    This was good. My mind never ceases to be blown by the double standard of the world’s perception toward Islam and it’s followers. What more proof does anyone need than simply just watching this video? We have taken a people barely out of the stoneage, and made believe that they are equals. We meet their violence with questions and pussy footing.

    Is there any wonder the war still rages on?

  10. re:tarded says:

    OOO haha exactly… Much in the same way some indigenous tribes justify boy fucking…

    Reference: http://www.gettingit.com/article/56

    They believe a man cannot make his own seamen until he get some pumped up his ass.

    One can as easily imagine how both of these myths came about. Someone happens to walk in on a tribal elder with some kind of esoteric insight to his credit in a compromising situation:
    A. Fucking a boy
    B. With a weird tapered rodent sticking halfway out of his ass.

    Instead of admitting his perversion he says: No wait, I know what you’re thinking, but…
    A: This boy needs my semen so he can be a man and make his own.
    B: This must be that tooth pick from 9 months ago, because this thing is coming out of my ass…

  11. TeeN BOP DISNEYCHANNEL says:

    OMG! THAT GIRBIL IS SOOOOOO CUTEZ!

  12. Dragler says:

    gavin finally finished all he had to say about 90’s political correctness, now he’s gotten all the way up to the early oughts and MEMRI weird muslim videos.

    welcome to the 21st century!

  13. Mark Methabane says:

    It’s true that one cannot make semen until one has had one pumped into the factory. That’s the reason I was willing to touch my toes. I’m going to be a father!

  14. fritz says:

    listen from 1:09 to 1:11. it totally sounds like he said “shoot the faggot. FAGGOT!!!” seriously.

  15. Anonymous says:

    3.In contrast to Christianity, where a “moderate” class is virtually non-existent, Muslim culture tends to entertain a broader spectrum of opposing viewpoints.

    lolwut.

  16. Jihad Joe says:

    Durka durka durka!

  17. Jerzoun says:

    That thing had cut my gut!!!!!!

    epic

  18. smash says:

    I thought this was funny but I wanted to let you know that the idea of 72 virgins is not mentioned ANYWHERE in the Holy Qur’an.. just so ya KNOW?!

  19. 72 virgins says:

    The fuck we’re not. Come and get us white boy.

  20. anne frank says:

    wait, what????

  21. stoops says:

    promising 72 virgins has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with getting young men to sacrifice themselves for your cause. Hasan i-Sabah, leader of the Assassins (a twelfth-century order of esoteric muslims) most likely used this technique in order to convince his followers to carry out targeted political assassinations. the leaders of al-queda are utilizing a military practice and dressing it up in religion.
    we tell our soldiers they’re dying protecting freedom. does anyone here believe that?
    anyway, my ‘stick a toothpick up yer arse’ theme party is ruined.

  22. Scheisse Minnelli says:

    Stopped paying attention at “As a skeptical guy”

  23. smarts says:

    @stoops

    Yes yer fucking Stoops, in a big way, and there’s nothing cool about it. You’re like that re:tarded BE STUPID ad from Diesel. Fucking proud of it??

    How dare you compare marines fighting to protect you to the animals who destroyed the WTC. Fucking hipster scumfag who has had a silver spoon handed to him and now thinks he can distance himself and sound enlightened.

    You wouldn’t last a second in the real world you fucking ingrate. You know I’m right. Deal with it.

  24. Avocado Welch says:

    Wow, looks like “smarts” has a soft spot for the military. Anyways, marines and suicide bombers are both pawns who take orders. The world would be a better place if nobody was stupid enough to be anyone else’s pawn.

  25. stoops says:

    @smarts. um, okay. not a hipster, never have been. not american, never have been. i’ve lived in the real world for a long fucking time. sure, i respect the troops, and i hate watching young canadian, american, and british men and women sent home in boxes. it’s fucking tragic, is what it is. you’re the fucking dumb cunt, my friend, because you obviously can’t differentiate between the bravery of the troops and the cowardice of the men who send them to die for dubious reasons.

    in closing, FUCK YOU.

  26. no.thanks. says:

    this is why we cant have anything nice.

  27. stoops says:

    although i do enjoy your insult ‘fucking hipster scumfag’. i’m gonna use that myself, if you don’t mind. i’m actually a jock with a buzzcut that works for a living…so, no, you’re not even close to being right.
    our involvement in the middle east is not as simple as you seem to think it is, and the way the war is currently being conducted virtually insures that it will NEVER END. the powers of the west are occupying foreign lands and killing civilians, which is impossible to avoid in war. the killing of civilians on foreign soil guarantees that there will ALWAYS be young middle eastern men who will be easily convinced to enact vengeance upon their enemies. i could go on and on, but there’s probably no point. listen to a dan carlin podcast on afghanistan. he basically outlines what most people with half a brain already understand.
    obviously, none of this casts doubt on the bravery of the troops ffs.
    read some history, you dumb shit. understand the psychology at work in nations mobilized to fight. everything that is happening now has happened before.
    i suspect you’re the hipster scumfag–you obviously have a little pent up rage that needs working out–perhaps a little vigorous buttsex will do you good. cheerio!

  28. Sexy Creep says:

    Oh Boy!

    All religion is manufactured, whats new?

    Lets all die over fiction and money, why not fuck?

    We got no time for a race even it seems. Fuck you in the ass for your opinion
    my little Hebrite, it means errrm not much.

    I know you can paint, you can paint for sure!

  29. Anonymous says:

    yay, the black jew is picking on muslims again! he so reminds me of the hispanics who voted in droves for prop 8. anything to take the heat off your twice-loathed ethnic background, eh?

  30. Anonymous says:

    “In contrast to Christianity, where a “moderate” class is virtually non-existent…”

    Seriously, fuck you.

  31. LOL says:

    “i’m actually a jock with a buzzcut”
    fag.

  32. Janice says:

    that was rich.

  33. asdfeasd says:

    if two unverifiable, anecdotal claims about magic, and the assertion by an extremist cleric that this magic took nine months to occur are enough to make you reconsider your religious beliefs, youre gonna feckin love astrology

  34. babs says:

    This is just an early take on the whole gerbil up the ass thing. He beat out Richard Gere by a few centuries is all. The toothpick story was a cover.

  35. The Voice of Logic says:

    #3 Is a fat load of shit. Organized Muslim groups are quick to condemn the excessive actions of so many of their brethren, but it is simply lip service in the face of the fact their foolish abrahamic religion at its ‘core’ suggests (or prescribes because it is the perfect word of ‘allah’) plenty o’violence:

    (2:216) – “Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.”

    (8:12) When your Lord revealed to the angels: I am with you, therefore make firm those who believe. I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them.

  36. sahirbaloch says:

    ha red meat you got out of limit if u make fun of islam and ALLAH i promise i kill u and anyone make fun of it to i make an army of muslims and attack u all


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