Twitter may be headed to the Internet ghetto with Myspace and countless others because social media is fickle and all it takes is one good blow job
Come with me on a wonderful voyage of infinite possibilities.
Twitter may be headed to the Internet ghetto with Myspace and countless others because social media is fickle and all it takes is one good blow job from a new mistress and the old lady is in the trash with the rest of them. Instagram almost always gets “retweets” and it’s way easier than competing with The Sulk. You can also add funny quips with each one so it’s really Twitter +.
I got into it because like most people, I like catching up on stranger’s pets. No, but seriously folks, I got into it because I started taking more pictures with my iPhone than with my digital camera and was disappointed with the drop in quality. Instgram makes all my shitty phone pics look better than my digital camera pics and if you’re not impressed with the filters Instagram comes with, you can add on other apps like Instaplus and Camera+.
Here’s my top 30 so far.
Plugging my buddy’s restaurant The Cardinal on Fox News. It really is the best Southern food in NYC. He even makes his own bacon. Do you know how hard that is? I’m going to be doing that show again tonight by the way if you’re up at 3AM.
My daughter made this awesome hamburger watch. It’s all from one piece of paper. She invented the technique. (The lettuce is blue because she was out of green.)
Now, when I’m in the country I obsessively take pictures of the view trying to get the sun just right.
Amateur photographers love bouncing that sunlight.
This bonfire started spreading but I had to get the shot. Forest be damned.
My neighbor’s porch upstate.
On the way to the science museum in Queens we passed Darth Vader’s apartment.
This machine “proved” race doesn’t exist by taking a picture of you and then changing you into the race of your choice. Nice logic, science museum. Though the museum was filled with Orthodox Jews, the Asians were the only ones interested in this machine.
This filter allows you to zoom in 20x on beetle larvae.
Heat sensitive photo of me and the missus. I didn’t realize my mustache was so cold.
Watching iconic movies now means standing in front of the TV the whole time taking dozens of pictures. I must have snapped 50 shots of the Star Wars bar but none of them were right. I did get a good Tweet out of it though, “I think the only time multiculturalism works is at the Star Wars bar and even then it’s kind of tense.”
I like to tell people I’ve had a lot of trouble with my bowels and then ask, “Does this shit look normal” before pulling out the above photo of Chewie.
I actually have been having bowel troubles. I drank so much at all those stupid Christmas office parties, I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was what the professionals call “gut rot.” That giant placenta thing is my liver. It’s fucking big, eh?
Took a break from bawling my eyes out at the end of Warriors to get this.
This is the best thing I’ve ever bought. It swims EXACTLY like a shark and when you get good at it, you can make it follow people.
I spent about ten minutes trying to arrange garbage at the base of this so it looked more like skull teeth. Turns out no teeth worked best.
This crackhead spent about 15 minutes trying to find her PSP and it was in her fanny pack the whole time! When she finally figured it out she did a fist pump and got to work.
Makin’ pancakes for everybody.
Using the Zen Garden at work to find tranquility. I can’t remember what filter this was but it makes everything look like a picture of an old TV.
Even taking pics of pics is fun. This is by Janette Beckman. She also has great old punk stuff.
Seeing a typo on on a truck goes from boring to exciting.
And ridiculous shit like this has to be documented. Can you imagine the kind of woman who thinks this works? Her wealth must be inversely proportional to her IQ.
Yeesh, someone hates morning sex.
This photo of Reed, Jagger, and Bowie was on my hotel room wall in LA. I shudder to think what cocaine must do to Lead Singer Syndrome.
I drew this big, fat, piece of shit bawling his eyes out on the toilet.
Then I did a very unflattering self-portrait.
This was taken at House on the Rock, one of the most mind-melting places I’ve ever been incredibly stoned at.
The view from David Cross‘ apartment in Brooklyn. The new season of his IFC show “The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret” debuted Friday. It’s got that intertwangled thing Mr. Show sketches used to have so I suggest buying the box set of season one first and watching it all in one go.
Portalndia also debuted. That show is so funny I forgot to laugh. Like Curb Your Enthusiasm, I just sit there shaking my head thinking, “Holy shit, that was fucking hilarious.”
Had this made at Lite Brite in Brooklyn.
After you get it, I’d recommend following:
Oh yeah, I don’t do this but my single friends tell me it’s great for lurking. You find some hot girls in the “popular” section and then follow them around all day as they photograph themselves in provocative poses.
Instagram is only an iPhone app but you can view pics online using Instagre.at Oh wait, this is old news? Cut me some fucking slack, dicks, I’M 41 FUCKING YEARS OLD!