Posted by
John Pittsley
• 05.17.17 10:24 pm

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Imagine a mysteriously goofy group of people, who love attention more than anything else. Now, imagine a group of people, who love making themselves look great and everyone else feel like shit.

You don’t have to imagine, because that group of people is the Shriners and they’re constantly bumming people out all day and all night with their twisted ass commercials.

I’ve always known something was up with these kooky bastards because the Dead Kennedys had put them on the cover of Frankenchrist, riding those shitty little cars and wearing those retarded little hats of theirs. I hadn’t a fucking clue as to why they had done it but I knew it wasn’t a sign of loving support, and the fact the Shriners sued them over it sure as shit didn’t help. Now, after all these years, I’ve realized the band was probably trying to show what attention loving pricks the little assholes are.

Obviously, the Shriners are a bunch of dicks because of the whole lawsuit thing but the way they terrorize people with their fucking commercials is taking it way too far. It’s almost as bad as those KARS 4 KIDS lunatics. I understand they’re only trying to help crippled children out but holy fuck are they relentless. They don’t even bother to run the things at a reasonable hour.

I understand advertising ain’t cheap and when you’re looking for donations to fund your shortbus children’s hospital, spending a butt-ton of cash on prime advertising slots probably ain’t a good look either. Buying slots late at night or in the middle of the day is definitely cheaper but with the amount of times the Shriners run ‘em, it probably doesn’t make all that big of a difference. They’d be better off just having one run at a time when people are actually watching. I don’t think I’ve seen a single one of their commercials in primetime. The only time I have seen a Shriners hospital ad was at an hour that I should either be asleep or at work. What’s the goal there, get a bunch of jobless stoners and insomniacs to fund their hospitals? Way to help out the needy, jizz for brains.

The current advertising campaign must be getting some results. There’s no way they don’t get donations from the elderly by trotting out a bunch of sad little deformed creatures over and over again. Most old ladies sit at home all day, watching The Golden Girls, looking for ways to spend their retirement funds, and waiting to die. Beating them over the head with images of kids without arms and weirdo body casts must pull their heart strings and get ‘em to fork over a bit of that cash. but it’s a children’s hospital, little old ladies are gonna donate no matter what. There’s no need to parade those kids around like the freaks they are. They oughtta just run a normal hospital commercial that focuses on the facilities and stars the doctors, with only a few of those creepy little monsters in it. They’re pretty fucking vague about what they do and how they do it, too.

I know it’s only a commercial and they have a pretty limited amount of time to get their message across but maybe it would be more helpful if they focused a little more attention on the services they provide at these hospitals or how the donations go to use. Instead, they just say you’re giving them hope, strength, joy, and independence. From what, their mutations and maladies? I fucking hope so. It’s a hospital, that’s what they’re supposed to do. They don’t even bother naming the different deformities and diseases they treat. We have to figure that shit out on our own and from looks of it, they don’t really do all that great of a job. That one kid still has no arms and is smiling like he has a gun pointed at his head.

I’m sure it’s nice for some of these brats to be in the commercials. Almost every little kid wants to be rich or famous and being on TV is usually good enough for most. Having the kids limp around and really showcase their deformities and disabilities seems like a bit much, though. I get they want to show that the children are disabled and need help but getting these kids together and saying, “alright, kiddo. We’re gonna need you to hobble up these stairs and you to try and draw some shit with your feet” seems a bit fucked up, no? They’re supposed to be helping the kids out, not putting them to work.

Maybe the Shriners do have some good intentions and are actually helping some of these little freaks out. There’s no need for them to be doing it in the way they’ve been doing it, though. In fact, it’d probably help those suckers out more if they did it in a different manner. They can go ahead and keep those gay little Shriner bear blankets, too. Or, give ’em to the kids. No one needs to be reminded of their daily or monthly donations.

-JOHN PITTSLEY


Comments
  1. Barf says:

    Amen!

  2. proudest says:

    replace “shiner” with “proud boy” and the article still holds.

  3. Duh says:

    What ever happened to that shit eating, Trump loving, Jew hating faggot OogaBooga? Did he finally get a life?
    What’s your next target Johnny? Jerry’s spastic Kids? Make a death Wish Foundation? St. Judes bald tots?
    Real tough guy.

  4. Ooga Booga of The Gods says:

    Pittsley planned to stand for an hour in front of a Wal-mart with a bucket and a sign that said “Help the Retarded”. He left in anger after 3 minutes and a $1 donation after some fatso told him “Hope this makes a difference in your life, little buddy!”

  5. The Real OogaBooga says:

    I haven’t gone anywhere Asshole.
    I’m alive and living well my fans, as I, the inimitable, the awesome, the stupendous, the brilliant one and only OogaBooga, above and beyond the gods, truly worthy of imitation if it were possible, and certainly deserving of your admiration, and am an ever present presence on Street Carnage who will never leave, and who is represented by legions of Cock Muppets when not here in my glorious name myself, may my name never be taken in vain, is the only reason this blog exists, for ME, MYSELF, and I, may all imitators die in shame.
    .
    .
    Some reading material for your Sunday morning pre-church coffee and bagel. ENJOY.

    https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Holocaust

  6. The Real OogaBooga says:

    The ancient Jewish holiday Hanukkah has gone on a great new twist: HANUKAUST. lulz holocaust. It’s also great pasta material. For extra lulz, use during the first days of December each year:

    Your uncle is a bar of soap, your cousin is a shoe,

    your best friend is a candle, and you’re a fucking Jew,

    Your neighbors are a landfill, too bad you got away,

    to open up a shitty deli and live another day

    50 years later, you’ve still got an agenda, for world domination, but you’d better remember,

    To when we had the upper hand, Der Fuhrer ruled the land,

    You kikes had fun for a century or two

    until the famous Auschwitz barbecue

    Think of all the friends and family you lost…

    Happy Hanukaust!

    You claim six million, I wish it were true,

    But you’re a pack of lying fucking Jews,

    A Holocaust memorial is built on the land where most of your relatives are buried in the sand,

    In bulldozed graves to cover the pollution,

    too bad you weren’t part of the final solution,

    Wearing long sleeves to cover your tattoo,

    will never hide the fact that you’re a dirty Jew,

    Think of all the friends and family you lost…

    Happy Hanukaust!

    Light the menorah and think of the time when you sold out your neighbors for a handful of dimes,

    All those filthy Jews… they must have been pissed,

    They couldn’t buy their way onto Schindler’s list,

    Think of all the friends and family you lost…

    Happy Hanukaust!

  7. The Real OogaBooga says:

    Laughter, the best medicine
    Q: Why are black Jews sad?
    A: They have to sit in the back of the oven.

    Q: What did Hitler buy his Jewish niece for her birthday?
    A: an Easy Bake Oven.

    Q: What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
    A: A pizza doesn’t scream when it is put in an oven OR People get sad when you burn a pizza.

    Q: What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
    A: About $5.95.

    Q: What’s the difference between Santa and Jews?
    A: Santa goes DOWN the chimney.

    Q: What did Hitler say to Himmler when he saw him in hell?
    A: “If I had known you were coming, I would have baked you a kike”

    Q: How many Jews can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle?
    A: 2 in the front, 2 in the back and 74 in the ashtray.

    Q: What’s the difference between a ton of coal and a thousand Jews?
    A: Jews burn longer.

    Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave?
    A: It’s got 20 seats inside.

    Q: Why does the alleged Holocaust get a B?
    A: Incomplete!

    Q: How many Jews died in the alleged Holocaust?
    A: Not Enough!

    Q: Why do Jewish people smell so terrible?
    A: They’re still afraid of the showers!

    Q: Why did so many Jews die in Auschwitz?
    A: The fare was free.

    Q: How do you know when Jews have moved in next door?
    A: There’s wet toilet paper on the clothesline.

    Q: What’s the difference between Jews and boy scouts?
    A: Boy scouts come back from their camps.

    Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
    A: Because air is free.

    Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
    A: Free pork.

    Q: What’s faster than a speeding bullet?
    A: A Jew with a coupon.

    Q: How was copper wiring invented?
    A: 2 Jews fighting over a penny.

    Q: Why doesn’t Germany have the death penalty?
    A: They already used up their quota.

    Q: How was the Grand Canyon formed?
    A: A Jew dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.

  8. The Real OogaBooga says:

    The alleged Holocaust, drama or opportunity? you decide
    Besides all the whinning BS on one side and denial BS on the other, what concerns rational humans the most is why did the state took so much trouble to exterminate the Übermenschen when so many resources were needed in the east. Simple answer: under a Corporativist government people can be turned into shields, pretty much like when you create and disband lots of workers to zerg rush a more powerful unit in Civ 3 (because the other versions suck). Therefore, after a slave worker died, the corpse was utilized with German efficiency and Native American tradition, to the last meschling foreskin. Bones made bottons, hair provided an excellent U-boat insulating material, skulls could be shrinked into art, and who can forget those classy human skin lamps? But what really troubles us the most, is the case against Cannibalism: Why were crematoria built to destroy perfectly good cartilage and bones, when hungry slave laborers could have produced a lot more munition with a daily dose of Birkenau BBQ and Jüdenblootwurst? Maybe if the fags at the SS had spent a little more time thinking creatively and less time fucking younger recruits, Germany could have stopped the evil Communists from taking half of Europe and Transmissible Spongiform Encephalopathy would have been discovered earlier saving millions of lives in New Guinea.

  9. The Real OogaBooga says:

    So a Jew walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink, the bartender says: “Get the fuck out of this bar, you dirty stinking Jew bag! You are the scum of the earth, if there were no Jews the world would be a perfect place! You are nothing but evil, greedy, weak pieces of shit who deserve nothing but pain! You’re the reason I have hate in my heart, because if it were not for kykes, everything would be free and we would all live happier lives! (add Truth here ___________)” The Jew says: “That’s racist!” Bartender replies: “No it’s not! For it to be racist, first you need to be part of a race, which you are not. I can’t believe you’re even considered a religion! You are beasts from the depths of hell, sent here to destroy the environment and brain wash us through the media. You’re nothing but maggots feeding off the decaying entities of greater creatures. You piece of shit, Get out of my BAR!!” Jew says: “You bastard, I’m going to phone my lawyer and I’m going to sue your ass to the ground! You’ll never work again in this town!” (in whiny Jew voice) Bartender realizes: “Oh lulz! You were just kidding about being a Jew. Because if you were really were a Jew you wouldn’t have to phone a lawyer, because a real Jew would be a lawyer himself.” Jew says “Actually, I’m a doctor.” Bartender says “There you go, lying again! If you were really a doctor you would cure yourself of being a Jew.” Jew turns around to walk out of the bar, but then the bartender stops him half way to tell him: “Hey jew, you forgot something.” Jew says: “What?” Bartender tells him: “A bullet through the fucking dome!” Jew gets shot for the greater lulz.

  10. The Real OogaBooga says:

    Armenian Holocaust
    The Armenians had something similar to the Jewocaust before World War I, only instead of Jews there were Armenians, and instead of Nazis there were Turks and instead of not happening it did happen and nobody gave a fuck. Some people think the Armenians had it coming for having so much hair. The Armenian Holocaust is often overlooked because the alleged Jewish Holocaust was much huger and Jews have a far greater bitching capacity which assures nobody will ever be able to go on a ten minute kike-rant without being reminded that we’re supposed to be pretending like the alleged Holocaust happened or else Iran is right and we can’t have that.

  11. The Real OogaBooga says:

    Future alleged Holocaust plans

    Joe “Eternal Jew” Lieberman’s health care trolling caused the alleged Great American Holocaust of 2010.
    Instead of focusing on solely the Jews, The USA wants to control the minority population from overwhelming the white Aryan majority. The niggers will be first and this time, it will be fo’ realz niggas.

  12. The Real OogaBooga says:

    How to make juise
    Given the comforts of modern life such as ovens that take longer to break down and dumber Jews, it is a pressing concern how so many people don’t know how to make a proper batch of juise. This guide is an attempt to fix it.

    1. Find a Jew.
    2. Cremate him for shits and giggles.
    3. Mix the ashes with water and sugar, or just water if you’re on a diet.
    4. ???
    5. No profit except sharing the delectable taste of juise with your family.

  13. The Real OogaBooga says:

    Hip hopping to the Holocaust
    https://youtu.be/hM4P3E1hFgU

  14. A Big Pile of Meh says:

    Ooga is like the little dog down the street. All you need to do is say “Jew” and he starts yapping and fussing and straining at his tether until the owner comes out and taps him with a rolled up paper and tells him to “Settle Down!”.

    HAHAHAHA


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