Posted by
Benjamin Leo
• 09.02.11 12:05 pm

“Why is it better than YouPorn?” Why is it– wha?? Man, get the fuck outta my face.

“Why is it better than YouPorn?”

Why is it– wha?? Man, get the fuck outta my face.

I was trying to change this guy’s LIFE, and he’s asking me grampa questions.

ooooh, YouPorn, I get it – it sounds like YouTube but with PORN in the name, and they have streaming videos you can search and stroke your cock to, ooooh, can’t top that!

Seriously, get the fuck outta my face.

YOUPORN?? Nigga please, this is a THOUSAND youporns.

In fact, short of actual tactile equipment that your wear on your dick while some e-hooker blows you, this is the single biggest revolution in porn since the internet first enabled perverts to stop interacting with Arab store clerks.

In some ways, it’s sad that this sort of paradigm shift is necessary: I mean, when I stop to think that from 1984-1986 I had ONE picture from the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue under my bed – and it was these three girls diving into the water, taken from above so that you could see their pointed toes and wet asses – and I jerked off to ONLY THAT and my mindseye for three FUCKING years!

But the next year I got porno mags, and that didn’t help, because soon I needed more.

Can’t use that one! Already did ‘er!

Oooh, that one’s recharged, it’s fresh again, haven’t done ‘er in weeks!

And the evolution of it all just snowballed, pause, like human progress; ruining everything in its wake.

And now, no magazine would ever be good enough. No IMAGE is good enough. NO VIDEO IS GOOD ENOUGH. I need thousands of videos, always changing, always different, always free:

And therefore: No website is good enough; what I needed was a revolution.

Most of you don’t deserve to come with me, and besides, as a friend of mine once said, sending a friend a porn links is gay because you’re helping a guy beat off.

So be it; let me show you the door:
The Big List Of Porn –

See you on the other side.

For more life-changing shit, follow TheBenWord on Twitter.

  1. MORNING COKE says:

    Sweet link to a picture bro.

  2. Ask Bart says:

    You’re a god. Thank you.

  3. Tony Shararagus says:

    I’m surprised to you YouJizzz so far down the list. That’s usually my shit.

  4. Anonymous says:

    You are making me nervous.this was a big deal a few years ago, and it’s supposed to still be relevant enough to base a post on now? I wish I was being snooty in a yea I already knew that kind of way.

  5. i hear ya says:

    On YouJizz. that usually is my jam but this one, fuckin BEEG kills it.

  6. Drippy Dog Dix and Cum Bubbles or Something says:

    I dont masterbate.

  7. cook says:

    but no japanese sites

  8. Jesus Cries says:

    Damn. This is gonna fuck up my weekend.

    Anonymous@1:45 I didn’t have this site. You are being exactly that guy so at least don’t have the bazoonkas to say you’re not even being that guy.

  9. no.thanks. says:

    holy shit.

    good thing i’ve curbed my intake to about every other day.

  10. bill lee says:

    oh man this the most exciting article of 2006!!!

  11. Cable guy says:

    Sick but needs fetishes

  12. Boner says:

    It’s like the Yahoo from 1995 of porn!!

  13. luke says:

    Ha. Look at all these next-level porn pedants in here.

  14. IP Address says:

    Welcome to 5 years ago. Also, tl;dr.

  15. blah says:

    They need check ins and badges to make it really cool.

    “Pervydude has checked in at YouPorn.” “Pervy dude earns the 2 hours of video in a night badge.”

  16. GG Allin says:

    I wanna fuck your brains out. I wanna stick my cock in your mouth.

  17. skull front says:

    i think “kills it” is over. tell your friends

  18. hahahah says:

    This summarizes the SC community. Everyone has seen it. SEEN IT FUCK YOU

  19. Fuck you all says:

    Ben changed my life today.

  20. pogi says:

    Xhamsters my fave. Good stuff they have there and its all categorized.

  21. yikes says:

    the male character in the iPorn image looks like a troglodyte.

  22. haha says:


  23. jethronh says:

    im too afraid to click.

  24. ElAngelo says:

    Is tblop still being updated? There seem to be a ton of dead links on that site. Currently, I’m using Same concept, but fresher design and also more sites and categories.

    Just wish that there was also a lesbian and cuckold category 😀

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    ɡߋ ɑlоng ᴡіtҺ ʏⲟսг ѵіᥱաѕ οn thіѕ wеƄ sіtᥱ.

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