Posted by
John Pittsley
• 12.04.17 04:49 pm

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There’s a lot of fucked up shit coming out of Hollywood and the media right now. Almost every day it seems like there’s some famous goon finally getting outed for years of sexual misconduct.

Some twisted cunts blame it on the male condition, think it has nothing to do with evil losers terrorizing women out of stupidity, and think we’re all guilty of it. Other human shit stains say it’s the women’s fault and think they’re only trying to gain something by waiting so long to speak out. But the only consistent factor here is assholes in power who either take advantage of their roles or are too oblivious to notice it. Any way you look at it there are some things that need to be changed. One thing that’s unfortunately overlooked and ignored in this whole mess is how the common man is affected by power dynamics in the work place.

It’s obviously terrible what many of these women have had to go through but the idea men don’t know or are able to understand what it’s like is sheer madness. Men have been dealing with something just as awful if not worse by being forced to laugh at our bosses’ jokes. Technically both men and women deal with it to a certain extent but due to the sexist landscape of the workplace in this country and how unfunny women naturally are, men have to put up with this bullshit to a far greater extent.

As Gavin has previously pointed out, only around five percent of people are actually funny but about 99.9 percent think they are. Some of this has to do with an individual’s personal taste in humor but most of it has to do with people trying to be polite by giving courtesy chuckles to shitty jokes. If individuals weren’t so worried about hurting others’ feelings and felt more comfortable letting them know when a joke bombed, more people would have a better understanding of how unfunny they were. While this tends to be difficult and awkward for people to do to an acquaintance, it’s damn near impossible to do to a boss.

If it hasn’t become clear already, people are willing to tolerate some pretty questionable things while at work. All this really boils down to is them not wanting to piss off their superiors and end up losing their jobs over it. I guess there are a few people out there who would be pissed if someone told them they weren’t funny and technically, not laughing at someone’s joke is kind of doing that. But only a raging psychopath would interpret their joke bombing as being told they weren’t funny. People do feel obligated to laugh when their boss tells a joke at work though.

A lot of the time it’s some kiss-ass laughing his head off at a terrible joke that makes everyone else feel like they have to join in. However, there are enough instances to fill an encyclopedia where a boss has tried to lighten the mood, after reprimanding an employee, with their shitty sense of humor and the only option left for the employee is to laugh. That isn’t just unacceptable behavior, it’s cruel and unusual punishment. It already sucks enough as it is being told you’re doing an awful job at work. Having someone point a gun at your head and forcing you to laugh at their cruiser line jokes is one of the most demeaning things ever.

It’s not just that we feel like we have to laugh at horrible jokes when we’re at work, though. It’s that superiors won’t return the “favor” and even punish us when we doll out some pretty good knee-slappers.

When a boss decides to joke around with their employees, they’re stepping outside of their role as enforcer and letting their guard down. That doesn’t just mean they should be prepared for a joke to flop, it means they should be ready for one in return. If Mr. “I need you to work late, again” is getting in the habit of telling dumpster jokes, he should be able to appreciate it when someone else tells a good one and makes the entire office genuinely laugh. Instead, most bosses get all butt hurt and tell everyone to get back to work. A lot of them won’t even applaud employees for thinking outside of the box.

When was the last time you saw someone get pantsed or pied in the face? It may sound a little Three Stoogesey but that shit can be funny as fuck, given the right timing and setting. Like say, when someone has just gotten done giving a presentation or when the boss is screaming at everyone. Bosses don’t tend to think that sort of thing is funny, though. I’ve even seen a guy get fired for it once before. How fucked up is that?

It’s truly awful what’s being exposed about sexual misconduct but we should all be grateful that these women feel comfortable enough to come forward. Hopefully it will encourage others to speak out sooner and maybe even keep people from acting in such a terrible way in the first place. Maybe then bosses will finally realize telling employees jokes is like rape.


  1. The Philosophical Penis says:

    Look, you can do and say a lot of stuff with a woman. Just be a little more cool about whipping it out and the jacking off. Know your room, so to speak.

  2. Ground Control To My Big Dong says:

    As much as I hate all this #MeToo hysteria I’m going to agree with The Philosophical Penis. If you know how to act, what to say and how to say it, SHE’LL be the one pulling your dick out of your pants. It doesn’t take that much time either. Also, you don’t need to make a shitload of money or have an interesting job but it does help. There’s really no need to whip out your dick and blast a load all over a potted fern or ficus when you haven’t even engaged in friendly chatter and flirting with the woman first.

  3. run 3 says:

    While this tends to be difficult and awkward for people to do to an acquaintance, it’s damn near impossible to do to a boss.

  4. Craig says:

    A Message to Idiots or practicing geniuses: (not you Gavin, and no Grammarly, I will not use your ‘s’)

    Don’t fucking lie to a Schizophrenic (seriously) A ruined Schizophrenic is someone too fucking stupid to understand the dangers of overthinking or too fucking stupid when allowing others to think for, or on behalf of them (I make exceptions to those that are aware of their Plight and who do not project their struggles onto others) we’re scared cornered animals with sharp teeth (do the math) not many of us survive less thrive. Think I’m mad? Apparently, I’m told that I have an IQ of 186 with a fistful temperament exceeding that. That “186” computation doesn’t even take into account, or even bother to consider the other 30% of my intelligence, (you might not understand what I just said, and that’s ok, it really is, I’m smart, yes, but not condescending) but if all I was left with, was that 30% of intelligence which would technically make me a stupid person, I’d still maintain that 186. So here it is: if you want to know how to tap into that 30%, I’m telling you; don’t bother. Unless you’re ok with being incarcerated, hated, medicated, ostracised, animalised, a threat to yourself and others and ultimately terrified, what’s the point? however, if vanity urges you to, then you’ll reap what you sow. Like I said: don’t fucking lie to a Schizophrenic, we’re hypersensitive and have the nostrils of bloodhounds. Leave us alone or be prepared to look into yourself, trust me; you aint gonna like what you find and you’ll probably end up dead or incarcerated (definitely angry) I’ve managed, maybe due to my 30% intellect/stupidity; to successfully, all but cure myself of Schizophrenia (the common-sense knowledge version that is) And remember this: we don’t lie, cos we can’t, don’t wish such a thing for yourself because you feel the need to have others tell you how smart you are, to me, that’s a grievous insult. Being smart isn’t fun, it’s a fucking curse. I’m also the funniest person I’ve physically encountered.

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