Posted by
Gavin
• 02.06.09 10:08 am


Two days ago everyone’s favorite spinster got an abortion. She’s not saying who the “baby” was but Aniston admits she was having second thoughts in the operating room.

Two days ago everyone’s favorite spinster got an abortion. She’s not saying who the “baby” was but Aniston admits she was having second thoughts in the operating room. That sucks. Apparently the pregnancy was kind of far along and it almost clogged the vacuum. Doctors reported a large THUD sound when it hit the Plexiglas. When asked to describe the fetus Dr. Carrie Picard said, “Imagine taking a loaf of white bread and just mushing it down with your hands to as small as you could make it. That’s exactly what it looked and weighed like.” This description brought up the possibility that it could have been a self-made pregnancy wherein a fetus is made up of hair and teeth and all the other parts women can do by themselves AKA a teratoma. Pathetic.
FOR THE RECORD: I am a male and would never pretend to say I know what women go through but I do occasionally have shits so big they split my ass in two. Like most people, I look at these shits as they’re going down the drain and take a mental picture of the beast. For hours after I will see that image in my brain and even think about it with some regret. That must be a tiny hint of what it’s like to have an abortion and my heart goes out to Aniston and the dozens of other women whom have done the same.


Comments
  1. ella says:

    shes hot.

  2. joese says:

    abortions make pussies smell sooo bad.

  3. Ted Danson says:

    This is either the dumbest thing I ever saw, or incredibly postmodern and smart.

  4. whiners suck says:

    What the hell ever happened to doctor/patient confidentiality? “Doctors reported a large THUD sound when it hit the Plexiglas.” What the fuck, a doctor reported that, and then went on to describe an aborted fetus as a squished loaf of white bread? I demand sources for this info!

  5. whiners suck says:

    Oh I guess I’m just really gullible and dense, sorry Gavin

  6. Anonymous says:

    classy. very classy.

  7. srsly says:

    everytime Aniston and dozens like her is forced to rip her asshole on a huge log she’ll be thinking the same thing, don’t worry. sucks to be them i guess. OH well. they’ll be back in the swing of things in no time. It’s the whole point. I imagine she fantasized the baby she was killing was a miniature version of brad pitt, therefore resolution to any unanswered questions she might hav had about jolie and pitt.

  8. thank god for abortions. Not just for the 2 kids it saved me from, but for the next 10 years of bikini pics of this aging impervious women. She’s time proof.

  9. pyuewbyert says:

    ha ha ha “dozens of other women”. That was genuinely funny. go gavin!

  10. i've never had, says:

    an abortion or an std. silly women letting men slip it in w/out rubbers. dummies. if a guy asks, pleads, begs to put it in w/out a rubber just tell him that you will as soon as you get done watching him take it up the ass bare from another guy that swears he is totally clean.

  11. whiners suck says:

    ^ FYI you can still get STIs when using a condom during sex, I did.

  12. fuck brooklyn says:

    well done.

  13. imyar says:

    source please

  14. Dizzy Dean says:

    pretty fucking funny

  15. HOMO says:

    dude, how stoned are you? this is great, I’m gunna go smoke some hash now!!!

  16. HOMO says:

    oh, best part “looked and weighed like” HAHAHAHAH

  17. still says:

    talk all the shit you want about aniston, i would still run up in her rawdog style. skeet skeet skeet. she can abort my kids any day

  18. garbagetits says:

    I’m surprised that it looked like white bread. I’d have thought that she was on Atkins and the fetus would have looked like a nut loaf.

  19. Rich says:

    More like Jennifer Aniston IS an abortion, amirite?

  20. wack-boy says:

    This is the funniest thing I have read so far on this site!

    PS: I wish I was an abortion.

  21. quaker ewey granola bars says:

    Jennifer Aniston would never have an abortion. She’d have to have ovaries n a uterus in the first place! zing!! p.s. Hahaha, whiners suck has STD’s and ur doing it wrongs going to hell!!!

  22. Splooge says:

    Jesus CHRIST that ass of hers is ROCKIN’.

  23. Snake says:

    Wow. I just remembered jerking off to that first photo when I was like, fifteen.

  24. Lady Friend says:

    ahah, Dozens

    Hey! anyone ever crush up crackers and put maple syrup on them?! YUM!

  25. kat says:

    i got dragged to see that ‘he’s just not that into you’ movie last night and i wanted to rip out my eyeballs.

    jennifer aniston was one of the only pseudo-redeeming things about it though so i’ll give her that.

  26. bj says:

    holy fucking shit, who wrote this??

    you broke new ground. good lord…

  27. StarWars says:

    Why do people find her attractive? She is less physically appealing than Renee Zelwegger by far to me. Is she a woman that women like because she is so non-threatening?

  28. Beef says:

    Blech! Get more men to write stuff, please!

  29. Beef says:

    # Beef Says:
    02.09.09 at 4:49 am

    Blech! Get more men to write stuff, please!

    – This was meant for the post below this. Oh, internet and your silly games.

  30. shellindina randleford says:

    she looks like a dude.

  31. grimey says:

    all of gwyneth paltrow’s babies end up coming out like toothpaste

  32. Cameron Diaz says:

    Jennifer Aniston would never have an abortion. She’d have to have ovaries n a uterus in the first place! zing!! p.s. Hahaha, whiners suck has STD’s and ur doing it wrongs going to hell!!!

  33. eva says:

    why would you write or say something without evidence? why would someone believe you??

  34. I think Jennifer Aniston is the best. Her character Rachel Green was so well played that I loved her even when she was a selfish young girl. She’s gorgeous in any attire, even the most ridiculous ones.

  35. Jennnifer Aniston is my idol. I am glad to hear that she is joing Courtney Cox in Cougar Town in season two. I love that show. It will be great to see them together again.


Leave A Reply